I've been hearing so much about parents being/getting divorced and how it can sometimes affect the children.
I also heard that children can/will often learn to blame themselves for their parents divorce and think it must've been something they did to cause their parenst to split up.
While volunteering in a school classroom prior to spring break the other day I overheard a little boy who's parents were divorced tell his teacher that maybe if he'd been good and hadn't got into so much trouble then maybe his parents would still be together.That little childs comments pulled at my heart strings and I was close to tears.It saddened me to learn just how parents seem to hurt their children and sometimes use them as pons in order to get back at their exes.No wonder there are so many messed up children.
I say Never make your kids choose sides.Keep your anger and bitterness away from the kids no matter what the reasons why the divorce.This is NOT the fault of the kids and certainly NOT their fight.Never place the total blame on either parent no matter who's fault for the marriage breakup.Never put a ex-spouse down to the children.
After the children return or go for a visit with either parent never ever "pump" the children for info about the other parent.Like asking if mommy or daddy have a boyfriend or girlfriend.Don't make them pay for something to which they had no control over.
mickybwoysheffield, South Yorkshire, England UK2,075 posts
god aint it so horrible... i have children n i know my child has become to this behaviour from my past partner! i have to try hard when i have my kids not to spread poision towards her mum...
When my older sister and her husband were divorced she would constantly run down her two childrens father to them.They're now adults and they both refuse to have anything to do with their mother.She's not even welcome in their homes.
somechick: I've been hearing so much about parents being/getting divorced and how it can sometimes affect the children.
I also heard that children can/will often learn to blame themselves for their parents divorce and think it must've been something they did to cause their parenst to split up.
While volunteering in a school classroom prior to spring break the other day I overheard a little boy who's parents were divorced tell his teacher that maybe if he'd been good and hadn't got into so much trouble then maybe his parents would still be together.That little childs comments pulled at my heart strings and I was close to tears.It saddened me to learn just how parents seem to hurt their children and sometimes use them as pons in order to get back at their exes.No wonder there are so many messed up children.
I say Never make your kids choose sides.Keep your anger and bitterness away from the kids no matter what the reasons why the divorce.This is NOT the fault of the kids and certainly NOT their fight.Never place the total blame on either parent no matter who's fault for the marriage breakup.Never put a ex-spouse down to the children.
After the children return or go for a visit with either parent never ever "pump" the children for info about the other parent.Like asking if mommy or daddy have a boyfriend or girlfriend.Don't make them pay for something to which they had no control over.
Sadly, people do it {using their kids as a tool for revenge} and will continue doing it.
If reading OP will stop at least one parent from this disgrace, it's so worth talking about it.
elssonLondon, Greater London, England UK1,864 posts
My ex wife thinks I was a crap husband and I think she was a crap wife. However, I get any access to my son whenever I want. I get to take him on holidays and see him 4 days a week. My marital relationship was something that just fell apart. When I have my son with me, I reassure him that his mum is a good mother (she is) and she always tells him I am a good dad (I try my best) He feels happy and content, sees it as having equal access to both parents. Please do not dismiss me on this as I am so happy that he has this feeling of both parents being together on his emotional and educational needs.
elsson: My ex wife thinks I was a crap husband and I think she was a crap wife. However, I get any access to my son whenever I want. I get to take him on holidays and see him 4 days a week. My marital relationship was something that just fell apart. When I have my son with me, I reassure him that his mum is a good mother (she is) and she always tells him I am a good dad (I try my best) He feels happy and content, sees it as having equal access to both parents. Please do not dismiss me on this as I am so happy that he has this feeling of both parents being together on his emotional and educational needs.
Laura25: 's OK I'd stop them, but I would have to go to jail for that And I have my own family to take care of.
You`re not alone in that sentiment, Love. Just be the one they know they can always count on, the one who`s door is always open. That`s all they really need in the end.
mickybwoysheffield, South Yorkshire, England UK2,075 posts
LadyPhoenix1965: You`re not alone in that sentiment, Love. Just be the one they know they can always count on, the one who`s door is always open. That`s all they really need in the end.
Next comes the Ankle-biting or what is considered brainwashing of the child/children.
Where either parent is alittle late for their childrens sports events ect.Either of the parents make comments that if they really cared that they would've shown up 5 minutes early.
Or if either parent had promised the children that they would take them to a movie ect.Or when either parent complains about the other enforces the rules when the child/children on visiting days.
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I also heard that children can/will often learn to blame themselves for their parents divorce and think it must've been something they did to cause their parenst to split up.
While volunteering in a school classroom prior to spring break the other day I overheard a little boy who's parents were divorced tell his teacher that maybe if he'd been good and hadn't got into so much trouble then maybe his parents would still be together.That little childs comments pulled at my heart strings and I was close to tears.It saddened me to learn just how parents seem to hurt their children and sometimes use them as pons in order to get back at their exes.No wonder there are so many messed up children.
I say Never make your kids choose sides.Keep your anger and bitterness away from the kids no matter what the reasons why the divorce.This is NOT the fault of the kids and certainly NOT their fight.Never place the total blame on either parent no matter who's fault for the marriage breakup.Never put a ex-spouse down to the children.
After the children return or go for a visit with either parent never ever "pump" the children for info about the other parent.Like asking if mommy or daddy have a boyfriend or girlfriend.Don't make them pay for something to which they had no control over.