My story... Long Distance relationship ( Archived) (32)

Aug 29, 2006 8:54 AM CST My story... Long Distance relationship
Mike1162
Mike1162Mike1162Over the Rainbow, Pennsylvania USA70 Threads 1,694 Posts
I have been here for months now and have occassionally began new threads, occassionally responded to threads, Have made a few new friends, And have sent teddy bears and hugs to some of you in appreciation of your friendship.

I began a Long Distance Relationship with a woman in 1997. Her and I are to this day still involved with each other. We have gone two years without seeing one another over the past 9 years. Then when we did find the opportunity to see each other it was for only 1 or 2 weeks at a time. The longest visit was when I went to her world for 5 months back in 2001. 1 month before 9/11 and 4 months after 9/11

I have spent two of my birthdays there, two thankgiving dinners there, one christmas day there, and one new years eve there. She was here for one thanksgiving dinner, one halloween night, I took her to see the home of the famous "Punxetawny Phil", and have also taken her on a road trip to Mississippi.

This began when she was 42 and I was 34. Now she is 51 and I am 43. We have actually been together for 1 full year out of the last 9 years.

We have had our differences of course, we have broken up a few times because it was simply too hard for either of us to go on loving someone neither of us could touch.

And yet we go on. We hold on to each other for support through the bad times, comfort through the good times, talking, laughing, yelling, hurting, learning. All things found in a normal relationship with the exception of not being able to look in her eyes, hold her hand, touch her face, on and on.

We understand each other has a life of our own, has a world of our own, has a family of our own.

And so the 3,000 mile barrier still stands.

Just this morning her and I were talking and her cousins relationship came up. Another Long Distance Relationship. However they had gotten together, had gotten married, and now are getting a divorce. My first question was how long did they do the LDR thing before making the decision to take the leap of faith. The answer was a relatively short amount of time. Now Six months after the marriage it is all over.

My point is that even though feelings may be strong online and love may exist you have to be careful simply because the internet world and the real world are two different worlds. Even if and when my 9 year Long Distance Relationship becomes real there are no guarantees we'd be compatible in the real face to face, live, wakeup in the morning with each other world.

In many ways her and I have the best kind of relationship because she doesn't have to put up with me and I don't have to put up with her on a 24/7/365 basis.

Do Long Distance Relationships work? Absolutely they do. Do Long Distance Relationships take time? Without a doubt it takes time to know each other.

You may be asking why then am I on a dating site? I am here to make friends, to enjoy the fun times, to validate my feelings for her, to learn about myself, and to learn about other people. I thank each and every person that posts to these forums for allowing me to read your words and understand perspectives that are not my own.

Life is a lesson, Learn it well
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Aug 29, 2006 8:59 AM CST My story... Long Distance relationship
SusieRR
SusieRRSusieRRnortheast, Ohio USA78 Threads 3 Polls 2,122 Posts
You and her are a lot stronger than I could be.
That sounds just too hard, not being able to see eachother at least every weekend.
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Aug 29, 2006 9:03 AM CST My story... Long Distance relationship
Tumpa
TumpaTumpaottawa, Ontario Canada88 Threads 7,091 Posts
I could say "whatever floats your boat".. however, I have been in that boat.

I only encourage you to stay true to heart is all....

The rest is merely a sail away...
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Aug 29, 2006 9:04 AM CST My story... Long Distance relationship
Mike1162
Mike1162Mike1162Over the Rainbow, Pennsylvania USA70 Threads 1,694 Posts
Yes Susie, it takes alot of inner strength, and even more courage to do this. Breaking up was easy. Staying together is extreme
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Aug 29, 2006 9:04 AM CST My story... Long Distance relationship
Meilandra
MeilandraMeilandraEden Prairie, Minnesota USA25 Threads 1,186 Posts
Yeah, I've done the long-distance thing, and I'm definitely too high-maintenance physically for that... My fiance and I pretty much started living together as soon as we started dating, months after we'd met and become close friends.
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Aug 29, 2006 9:06 AM CST My story... Long Distance relationship
Mike1162
Mike1162Mike1162Over the Rainbow, Pennsylvania USA70 Threads 1,694 Posts
Thanks Tumpa and you're right. A Long Distance Relationship is not for everyone.
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Aug 29, 2006 9:09 AM CST My story... Long Distance relationship
Mike1162
Mike1162Mike1162Over the Rainbow, Pennsylvania USA70 Threads 1,694 Posts
I wasn't sure if I could do this 9 years ago Meilandra.
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Aug 29, 2006 9:09 AM CST My story... Long Distance relationship
native_grl38
native_grl38native_grl38Belleville, Canada10 Threads 4,332 Posts
WOW! My hats off to you and your SA for sticking together and being able to make it work over such a long period of time!

An inspiration for all long distance couples!!!!!!


conversing conversing
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Aug 29, 2006 9:11 AM CST My story... Long Distance relationship
Mike1162
Mike1162Mike1162Over the Rainbow, Pennsylvania USA70 Threads 1,694 Posts
Thank you Native. When it does become real and lasts into our final days then it will be an inspirational story.
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Aug 29, 2006 9:17 AM CST My story... Long Distance relationship
Mike1162
Mike1162Mike1162Over the Rainbow, Pennsylvania USA70 Threads 1,694 Posts
Exactly Tumpa

Stay true to yourself and continue learning about yourself and you will go far. The only person that can get me there is..... Me
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Aug 29, 2006 9:18 AM CST My story... Long Distance relationship
gentlepaws
gentlepawsgentlepawsAny town, Ontario Canada1,019 Threads 13 Polls 9,583 Posts
Mike, your situation is rare indeed. Good luck and may it continue. And thanks for your story it may encourage more to think outside of the box and take a chance. Paws
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Aug 29, 2006 9:20 AM CST My story... Long Distance relationship
Mike1162
Mike1162Mike1162Over the Rainbow, Pennsylvania USA70 Threads 1,694 Posts
Thanks Paws. I respect your words, always have.

Now I have to go to work so I can pay for the next plane ticket

Latah
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Aug 29, 2006 9:20 AM CST My story... Long Distance relationship
Justadreamerhere
JustadreamerhereJustadreamerhere39 Threads 3,444 Posts
I dont know how you do it Mike. My love is about 2,000 miles away right now and I am going crazy. Its one thing to carry on online and get to know one another and chat and all that online thing we do. After spending time with him, to know his scent, his smile, his laughter, his kisses, his touch...even how he likes his coffee and the color of his bath towels! This long distance thing is for the birds LOL Can it work yes, will it work, yes...but the between, the waiting time for things to be as it needs to be for me to move...SUCKS!! 9 years would make me insane. Im SO not the type to wait around and do nothing when I can see ways to bring us together NOW...get up and go...go for it...do something...live for today not pine for tomorrow...sighhhhh...

nope, i know i couldnt handle seperation for long...
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Aug 29, 2006 9:22 AM CST My story... Long Distance relationship
Tumpa
TumpaTumpaottawa, Ontario Canada88 Threads 7,091 Posts
Mikey,

Been awhile since we "posted" thoughts....but my sentiments exactly.
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Aug 29, 2006 12:06 PM CST My story... Long Distance relationship
EnigmaticExistnc
EnigmaticExistncEnigmaticExistncSouthCoast, British Columbia Canada8 Threads 802 Posts
Mike

I understand.

angel
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Aug 29, 2006 9:02 PM CST My story... Long Distance relationship
Itmightbeme
ItmightbemeItmightbemeOkotoks, Alberta Canada44 Threads 792 Posts
Thanks for your insightful letter.

I have a dear friend - who is a LDR. Still, we e-mail each other most days. When one of us doesn't hear from the other - there is concern expressed. It is wonderful to have someone really care about you and how you are doing. You are blessed to have your sweet friend. Don't let go of her.

L.
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Aug 29, 2006 9:19 PM CST My story... Long Distance relationship
Mike1162
Mike1162Mike1162Over the Rainbow, Pennsylvania USA70 Threads 1,694 Posts
Thanks for the replies. Some days are harder than other days. Some years have been harder than other years.

Everyday, Every year is still a blessing for the both of us. There are children at both ends of this Long Distant Relationship and we pride ourselves on being good parents. We acknowledge each other for being good parents putting priorities above our own relationship. Our bond is an amazing bond without a doubt.
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Aug 29, 2006 10:25 PM CST My story... Long Distance relationship
damion1
damion1damion1123 Posts
been there done that and it never works..cheers
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Aug 30, 2006 6:07 AM CST My story... Long Distance relationship
Mike1162
Mike1162Mike1162Over the Rainbow, Pennsylvania USA70 Threads 1,694 Posts
Damion,
I have been married and divorced twice so I have been there done that but I can't say marriage never works because it can and does work.
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Aug 31, 2006 4:25 PM CST My story... Long Distance relationship
Itmightbeme
ItmightbemeItmightbemeOkotoks, Alberta Canada44 Threads 792 Posts
Hi Mike,

If the bond that the two of you share is amazing, as you say it it is, then don't let go of it. Nurture the relationship. All that your kids are going to do is to get older, move away and start their own lives. Hang on closely to your friend.

Cheers,

L.
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