Family first. (13)
I am thinking about this...how to answer you in a way that makes sense...that won't be taken the wrong way. But, I do know that above all else...you have to look after yourself first, put your own needs first as you cannot be of help to someone else when you are miserable...::going to think:: it's a tough one 
eyesthatknowwhy: I am thinking about this...how to answer you in a way that makes sense...that won't be taken the wrong way. But, I do know that above all else...you have to look after yourself first, put your own needs first as you cannot be of help to someone else when you are miserable...::going to think:: it's a tough one
Well here is the thing about what you have wrote. If I stay some will call me selfish for putting my own needs over my own sisters. Some will no doubt say it is a no brainer. Go and help your sister because you can always get work in TO. So that camp would be fore me going.
On the other hand if I go there will be some that say stay where you are. You would be foolish to move now because you just begun a good job. If I go this camp will say I made the wrong decision.
It is not like I really care if people disagree with my decision. What I am struggling with is knowing what the right thing to do is. I am the type of person that is not selfish. I was raised not to be that way. In fact I always was someone with compassion and I if can help anyone I will. That is just me.
canuckken: Well here is the thing about what you have wrote. If I stay some will call me selfish for putting my own needs over my own sisters. Some will no doubt say it is a no brainer. Go and help your sister because you can always get work in TO. So that camp would be fore me going.
On the other hand if I go there will be some that say stay where you are. You would be foolish to move now because you just begun a good job. If I go this camp will say I made the wrong decision.
It is not like I really care if people disagree with my decision. What I am struggling with is knowing what the right thing to do is. I am the type of person that is not selfish. I was raised not to be that way. In fact I always was someone with compassion and I if can help anyone I will. That is just me.
On the other hand if I go there will be some that say stay where you are. You would be foolish to move now because you just begun a good job. If I go this camp will say I made the wrong decision.
It is not like I really care if people disagree with my decision. What I am struggling with is knowing what the right thing to do is. I am the type of person that is not selfish. I was raised not to be that way. In fact I always was someone with compassion and I if can help anyone I will. That is just me.
My heart goes out to your sister and you.
It is a very difficult decision to make. Only one person can make that decision and that is you. Others will have opinions on what you should do. Some will expect you to do what they would not do themselves. Eyes I right. You have to also do what is right for you. You can love someone and be close to them, but you still have to look out for yourself. It is never easy when a family member is so far away, and needs you.
My mother's sister was retired, and came to help. It gave me a break since I had to work, and could not keep going to help look after the kids etc, work, and look after my mother.
I have a friend who lost everything when she looked after her mother and she ended up bankrupt. She said she would never give up the time she took to help her mother, but the after math of what happened has made her a very bitter woman. She even had to get a new job after having to move in with a family member who willingly gave her a home and financial help.
Are there other people who can step in and help your sister? Are there other relatives etc.? What ever actions you decide to do, make sure it is one you can live with. Just a suggestion... what ever you choose, do not let others make you feel guilty.
Best of luck in what ever you decide.
canuckken: Here is something I would like some feedback on. If you had a family member that was battling cancer would you give up your job and move to another city to look after them?
That is what I am facing right now and it sucks. My sister lives in Toronto and has stage 4 cervical cancer. She also is dealing with blood clots and hemorrhaging. She wrote me today and asked if I would come live with her to look after her needs. She is in hard shape and cannot do even the simple things like shop for groceries. I really want to help her. For me family always comes first. The thing is i just moved to Edmonton and began a new job here that I like. I know I could get another in Toronto but it might not be as good and a lower salary. I do not want to put work or money over a families needs, especially a sibling with cancer. I also do not want to give up a good job. I have never been in this situation before and hope I never will be again.
Any thoughts or suggestions?
That is what I am facing right now and it sucks. My sister lives in Toronto and has stage 4 cervical cancer. She also is dealing with blood clots and hemorrhaging. She wrote me today and asked if I would come live with her to look after her needs. She is in hard shape and cannot do even the simple things like shop for groceries. I really want to help her. For me family always comes first. The thing is i just moved to Edmonton and began a new job here that I like. I know I could get another in Toronto but it might not be as good and a lower salary. I do not want to put work or money over a families needs, especially a sibling with cancer. I also do not want to give up a good job. I have never been in this situation before and hope I never will be again.
Any thoughts or suggestions?
I am not here to tell you what to do. But here is what I would do. Find out from EI if they are willing to cover you,( because they have all different clauses) while you look after your sister. I think she mainly wants to see you, to say goodbye before the final goodbye. I think you may ask for a leave of absence for a short while. Then when you arrive in Toronto, you will be able to talk to her doctors and find out the best care for her, remaining at home or a hospice. Prayers are with you and for your sister. The best thing for your peace of mind is to go see her, nothing wrong with that.
Thanks KHD100 and mychelle for your comments and suggestions. Money is not really the issue. I also asked her if she needed me or does she simply want me there? I can go visit her no problem but she needs more then just a visit. there are no other relatives in TO. My family is from NS. They will give her some help with in home care but that is limited. They will not do things like buy her groceries and do errands for her. She was just accepted for disability so she could name me as her care giver which would provide me with a little cash. Again I am not in it for the money.
I just wish I was not in this situation but it is much harder for my sister and it is my sister that I am thinking about.
I just wish I was not in this situation but it is much harder for my sister and it is my sister that I am thinking about.
canuckken: Thanks KHD100 and mychelle for your comments and suggestions. Money is not really the issue. I also asked her if she needed me or does she simply want me there? I can go visit her no problem but she needs more then just a visit. there are no other relatives in TO. My family is from NS. They will give her some help with in home care but that is limited. They will not do things like buy her groceries and do errands for her. She was just accepted for disability so she could name me as her care giver which would provide me with a little cash. Again I am not in it for the money.
I just wish I was not in this situation but it is much harder for my sister and it is my sister that I am thinking about.
I just wish I was not in this situation but it is much harder for my sister and it is my sister that I am thinking about.
Your heart is in the right place, no question about that. Hopefully you have a good supervisor/boss at work and you can explain your need for a temp work absence on humanitarian grounds, and take it from there. Most people love that you have a caring heart/attitude, and that goes a long way!
That is harsh. 
One question, does she have family there?
If not why don't you bring her out here????
One question, does she have family there?
If not why don't you bring her out here????
mychelle: I am not here to tell you what to do. But here is what I would do. Find out from EI if they are willing to cover you,( because they have all different clauses) while you look after your sister. I think she mainly wants to see you, to say goodbye before the final goodbye. I think you may ask for a leave of absence for a short while. Then when you arrive in Toronto, you will be able to talk to her doctors and find out the best care for her, remaining at home or a hospice. Prayers are with you and for your sister. The best thing for your peace of mind is to go see her, nothing wrong with that.
I am with mychelle and think this is something to explore. Forget what other people say, it isn't their life and they are not living it and therefore have no right to place judgement on your decisions. Tell them to you know what. You need to do what you believe is the best. There are options I am sure where both you and your sisters needs are met. You might be able to work out an arrangement with your employer based upon compassionate reasons. As mychelle suggests, check with EI.
I can only wish you the best and hope it all works out for you. It is a tough decision no doubt. Good luck.
geo
gemery: I am with mychelle and think this is something to explore. Forget what other people say, it isn't their life and they are not living it and therefore have no right to place judgement on your decisions. Tell them to you know what. You need to do what you believe is the best. There are options I am sure where both you and your sisters needs are met. You might be able to work out an arrangement with your employer based upon compassionate reasons. As mychelle suggests, check with EI.
I can only wish you the best and hope it all works out for you. It is a tough decision no doubt. Good luck.
geo
Mychelle and Geo have given great suggestions. Going to visit your sister is a very important suggestion. You sister might just need to have some hugs and talk with you in person and help her get her affairs in order.I can only wish you the best and hope it all works out for you. It is a tough decision no doubt. Good luck.
geo
P.S. There is the Cross Cancer Clinic and other great cancer supports here in Edmonton. I know it might be too much for your sister to come here, but it's just one of those thinking out loud moments.
Thanks everyone. I can't bring my sister here because of her condition and do to the fact I just moved here and I am renting a house that may have just been sold. My life is still in the adjustment phase after being here less then a month. A couple of you mentioned EI but that is not an option. I moved here from another country so I do not qualify because I do not have the months needed to be eligible for the benefits.
I think for now I will try to pay her a visit and see if I can find some full time care for here which I will help pay for.
I think for now I will try to pay her a visit and see if I can find some full time care for here which I will help pay for.
Cannuck
You're in a rock and a hard place here. I've got some suggestions here for you. It would seem to me that your sister needs some support and thats' what she is asking for. That, and maybe she's scared. Sounds like she doesn't have any family etc out this way?
I've worked in Toronto for years and years and I can suggest some ideas for you that might help? It might provide you with the option of just flying out here every couple of weeks to be with her for support and if things worsen, by that time you'll have been at your job longer and can hopefully ask for a short leave of absence? Most employers aren't such pricks that they couldn't wrap their heads around this? Possibly even some extended weekends initially rather than leave of absence?
I understand the "Me first" perspective but that doesn't really apply here because this person could be terminally ill. There is no justification for not spending time with someone who may be critically ill but there is a chance,at the very least, of temporarily rearranging priorities so you can accomodate both. You don't get that time back with the person who is ill and you will not benefit from it in the long run. You'll have a job and a conscience full of regret and grief. That might sound cold but it's the truth and the truth ain't pretty some times
Whatever hospital she is in should have a social work division? OR respite?. That division is also responsible for helping people set up home care referrals etc.(Government subsidized program) In other words, they can arrange to have home care provided so someone helps get groceries, housecleaning, assistance with hygene (?)appts etc. Does she have any private insurance?
There are also many many support groups out in the community that are willing to give help as well. V.O.N can assist her with the meds etc. Canadian Cancer Society can provide help driving to Dr's appts etc, get a wig for her if she needs one and other services.
There are many services available to help her in this situation if that is what she needs. The key for all of this is knowing that they exist and many people don't.
I'd be more than happy to give you more info if you need it but this might be a temporary stopgate to relieve the pressure from you for a bit?
Let me know
You're in a rock and a hard place here. I've got some suggestions here for you. It would seem to me that your sister needs some support and thats' what she is asking for. That, and maybe she's scared. Sounds like she doesn't have any family etc out this way?
I've worked in Toronto for years and years and I can suggest some ideas for you that might help? It might provide you with the option of just flying out here every couple of weeks to be with her for support and if things worsen, by that time you'll have been at your job longer and can hopefully ask for a short leave of absence? Most employers aren't such pricks that they couldn't wrap their heads around this? Possibly even some extended weekends initially rather than leave of absence?
I understand the "Me first" perspective but that doesn't really apply here because this person could be terminally ill. There is no justification for not spending time with someone who may be critically ill but there is a chance,at the very least, of temporarily rearranging priorities so you can accomodate both. You don't get that time back with the person who is ill and you will not benefit from it in the long run. You'll have a job and a conscience full of regret and grief. That might sound cold but it's the truth and the truth ain't pretty some times
Whatever hospital she is in should have a social work division? OR respite?. That division is also responsible for helping people set up home care referrals etc.(Government subsidized program) In other words, they can arrange to have home care provided so someone helps get groceries, housecleaning, assistance with hygene (?)appts etc. Does she have any private insurance?
There are also many many support groups out in the community that are willing to give help as well. V.O.N can assist her with the meds etc. Canadian Cancer Society can provide help driving to Dr's appts etc, get a wig for her if she needs one and other services.
There are many services available to help her in this situation if that is what she needs. The key for all of this is knowing that they exist and many people don't.
I'd be more than happy to give you more info if you need it but this might be a temporary stopgate to relieve the pressure from you for a bit?
Let me know
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That is what I am facing right now and it sucks. My sister lives in Toronto and has stage 4 cervical cancer. She also is dealing with blood clots and hemorrhaging. She wrote me today and asked if I would come live with her to look after her needs. She is in hard shape and cannot do even the simple things like shop for groceries. I really want to help her. For me family always comes first. The thing is i just moved to Edmonton and began a new job here that I like. I know I could get another in Toronto but it might not be as good and a lower salary. I do not want to put work or money over a families needs, especially a sibling with cancer. I also do not want to give up a good job. I have never been in this situation before and hope I never will be again.
Any thoughts or suggestions?