A Collection ( Archived) (2)

1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman
in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was
reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, ’Mom, that
lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!’


2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.
The note read, ’The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his
parents.’


3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone
rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. ’Mommy can’t come to
the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.’


4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he
was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for
cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, ’What’s the matter, haven’t you
ever seen a little boy before?’

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a
little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, ’Are you a
cop? Yes,’ I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed
help I should ask the police. Is that right?’ ’Yes, that’s right,’ I told her. ’Well, then,’ she said
as she extended her foot toward me, ’would you please tie my shoe?’


6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered
my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
’Is that a dog you got back there?’ he asked. ’It sure is,’ I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked
at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, ’What’d he do?’

7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my
4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various
appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her
staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage
of questions, she merely turned and whispered, ’The tooth fairy will never believe this!’

8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his
tuxedo, she warned, ’Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.’ ’And why not, darling?’ ’You know
that it always gives you a headache the next morning.’

9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a
prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had
found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small
box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned
his version of what he thought his father always said: ’Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the
Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.’ (I want this line used at my funeral!)



10 ) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw
was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. ’Mama, look what I found,’ the boy
called out. ’What have you got there, dear?’ With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he
answered, ’I think it’s Adam’s underwear!’



NOW IF THIS DIDN’T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT.