No one wants to hear about how hurt you've been. ( Archived) (184)

Jul 8, 2010 9:09 AM CST No one wants to hear about how hurt you've been.
gardenhackle
gardenhacklegardenhackleStratford, Connecticut USA55 Threads 9 Polls 2,067 Posts
Seriously. Life has it's ups and downs. You may be exiting a long, horrible relationship. Taking that emotional baggage with you on a date or into a new relationship is a sure turnoff except, perhaps, to someone who's controlling.

If you're still licking your wounds from all the damage done by your past relationship, you're not ready for a new one. Put the past behind you, get over your stupid mistakes and choices, figure out why you made them and don't do it again. But for God's sake, move on. If you want to be happy and meet Mr. Right, then please do. And you need to do it in that order because Mr. Right is probably not going to come along if you aren't happy already.

This isn't about anyone in particular, just about life, in general. PMS is a turnoff (Poor Me Syndrome) and it afflicts men and women equally. Of course, if that's how you feel about life, then by all means, go ahead and communicate it because you need to be upfront and you'll get figured out soon enough if you don't. But if that's not who you really are or how you feel day to day, then.... I'd recommend talking about your hopes, aspirations, interests, fascinations and dreams. You're single. You need to have those things and pursue those things and find someone that won't be a roadblock to those things.

And, of course.... that's just my perspective and advice. It's free, so take it for what it's worth, LOL. :)
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Jul 8, 2010 10:38 AM CST No one wants to hear about how hurt you've been.
gardenhackle: Seriously. Life has it's ups and downs. You may be exiting a long, horrible relationship. Taking that emotional baggage with you on a date or into a new relationship is a sure turnoff except, perhaps, to someone who's controlling.

If you're still licking your wounds from all the damage done by your past relationship, you're not ready for a new one. Put the past behind you, get over your stupid mistakes and choices, figure out why you made them and don't do it again. But for God's sake, move on. If you want to be happy and meet Mr. Right, then please do. And you need to do it in that order because Mr. Right is probably not going to come along if you aren't happy already.

This isn't about anyone in particular, just about life, in general. PMS is a turnoff (Poor Me Syndrome) and it afflicts men and women equally. Of course, if that's how you feel about life, then by all means, go ahead and communicate it because you need to be upfront and you'll get figured out soon enough if you don't. But if that's not who you really are or how you feel day to day, then.... I'd recommend talking about your hopes, aspirations, interests, fascinations and dreams. You're single. You need to have those things and pursue those things and find someone that won't be a roadblock to those things.

And, of course.... that's just my perspective and advice. It's free, so take it for what it's worth, LOL. :)
wow
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Jul 8, 2010 10:43 AM CST No one wants to hear about how hurt you've been.
cherrybrandy
cherrybrandycherrybrandycambridge, Cambridgeshire, England UK24 Threads 7,473 Posts
yeah..i read it too..laugh
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Jul 8, 2010 10:44 AM CST No one wants to hear about how hurt you've been.
Ladybee42
Ladybee42Ladybee42East Liverpool, Ohio USA4 Threads 1,316 Posts
it's worth a lot..it's free and well said. you have obviously been through the mill and come out the other side a little bruised but none the worse for wear.

wine handshake
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Jul 8, 2010 10:46 AM CST No one wants to hear about how hurt you've been.
cgedvr
cgedvrcgedvrSo. Cal, California USA40 Threads 2,088 Posts
cherrybrandy: yeah..i read it too..
Well...he told us....now shape up and fly rightgrin
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Jul 8, 2010 10:47 AM CST No one wants to hear about how hurt you've been.
demonfairy
demonfairydemonfairyNewton,hickory, North Carolina USA120 Threads 17 Polls 5,654 Posts
I saw you looked at my profile...and i think i have a positive profile...its what every normal person is looking for.Its nobodys place to say what a person can say on there profile,it tells us a lot about a person...if i see a profile i don't like i move own,because im not interested in that person have a good day..handshake
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Jul 8, 2010 10:51 AM CST No one wants to hear about how hurt you've been.
Proudamerican100
Proudamerican100Proudamerican100Somewhere, California USA2 Threads 1 Polls 570 Posts
Thank you for showing us all the right way to behave and wanting to guide us to the light of redemption. I will keep this in mind everytime I want to actually let someone know I am human and not a robot. And also when a man wants to actually show he is capable of showing feelings I will ask him to save it I only want positive vibes in my leave it to beaver world. laugh
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Jul 8, 2010 10:54 AM CST No one wants to hear about how hurt you've been.
cherrybrandy
cherrybrandycherrybrandycambridge, Cambridgeshire, England UK24 Threads 7,473 Posts
cgedvr: Well...he told us....now shape up and fly right
angel2 angel2 angel2 that good enough?laugh
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Jul 8, 2010 10:57 AM CST No one wants to hear about how hurt you've been.
cherrybrandy
cherrybrandycherrybrandycambridge, Cambridgeshire, England UK24 Threads 7,473 Posts
Proudamerican100: Thank you for showing us all the right way to behave and wanting to guide us to the light of redemption. I will keep this in mind everytime I want to actually let someone know I am human and not a robot. And also when a man wants to actually show he is capable of showing feelings I will ask him to save it I only want positive vibes in my leave it to beaver world.
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughingwhen you say something its worth reading Proud..bouquet
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Jul 8, 2010 10:57 AM CST No one wants to hear about how hurt you've been.
Abram
AbramAbramGoshen, Ohio USA9 Threads 2,077 Posts
I would say gardenhackle has faced some serious circumstances, and over come them, without continuosly dwelling on woulda, shoulda, coulda. A very good course to take, and to move on with head held high. "Shake the dust from sandals", and get away from it. handshake
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Jul 8, 2010 10:58 AM CST No one wants to hear about how hurt you've been.
gardenhackle
gardenhacklegardenhackleStratford, Connecticut USA55 Threads 9 Polls 2,067 Posts
demonfairy: I saw you looked at my profile...and i think i have a positive profile...its what every normal person is looking for.Its nobodys place to say what a person can say on there profile,it tells us a lot about a person...if i see a profile i don't like i move own,because im not interested in that person have a good day..


Not for nuthin', but I looked at your profile because I thought you made some remarks I liked in another subject. Just curious because I liked what you said. :)
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Jul 8, 2010 11:01 AM CST No one wants to hear about how hurt you've been.
jac379
jac379jac379pontyclun, South Glamorgan, Wales UK25 Threads 3 Polls 12,293 Posts
Personally, I don't mind if folk want to talk about their hurt, so I object to the title of this thread.

You refer to people who like to control, but isn't that what you are doing here? Whilst there's some very sound advice in your thread, you are trying to control what others talk about.

Its a free sight, with freedom of speech and if I don't want to be involved in a particular thread, I move on.

I think this is so much more than a dating website. The fact that there are options for friendship, talk/email/penpal, not single/not looking, etc. suggests in itself that its not compulsory to be single and looking for a date as a membership requirement.

This allows people to remain members regardless of whether, in this particular instance, they ready for a relationship, or not.

It allows people to toe-dip and test the water.

It allows people the room to grow, to heal, to explore all those things that you advise them to do.

Jac xxx
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Jul 8, 2010 11:02 AM CST No one wants to hear about how hurt you've been.
gardenhackle
gardenhacklegardenhackleStratford, Connecticut USA55 Threads 9 Polls 2,067 Posts
Proudamerican100: Thank you for showing us all the right way to behave and wanting to guide us to the light of redemption. I will keep this in mind everytime I want to actually let someone know I am human and not a robot. And also when a man wants to actually show he is capable of showing feelings I will ask him to save it I only want positive vibes in my leave it to beaver world.


You're welcome. :) There's someone for everyone and I'm sure you'll find him. You might note that I did mention that if you really are all about the "I've been hurt so badly so many times" thing, then it's definitely the right thing to say in your profile. Otherwise, you might not find someone that appreciates it. cheers
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Jul 8, 2010 11:08 AM CST No one wants to hear about how hurt you've been.
Abram
AbramAbramGoshen, Ohio USA9 Threads 2,077 Posts
I gotta ask you, how are your groups in archery? thumbs up
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Jul 8, 2010 11:11 AM CST No one wants to hear about how hurt you've been.
nevica
nevicanevicabeautiful, Gavleborg Sweden11 Threads 640 Posts
I don’t know, maybe that is about men. As a woman I wouldn’t mind to hear what a person have been through.
The cheerful “I am always glad and happy” person seems unnatural to me and would be probably irritating. I think it ok if someone shows me his weakness, it would only fill relationship with substance.
When you read books and watch movies the heroes are often in some trouble and help each other thruough that and in that way become a couple.
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Jul 8, 2010 11:14 AM CST No one wants to hear about how hurt you've been.
Proudamerican100
Proudamerican100Proudamerican100Somewhere, California USA2 Threads 1 Polls 570 Posts
gardenhackle: You're welcome. :) There's someone for everyone and I'm sure you'll find him. You might note that I did mention that if you really are all about the "I've been hurt so badly so many times" thing, then it's definitely the right thing to say in your profile. Otherwise, you might not find someone that appreciates it.
Do you have anymore advice on what one should put in their profiledunno That is silly. A profile is an outline of something. professor Not a life story. If we are doing a life story I think arrogant people should also disclose that information. Where would the list stopdunno soup preferences? roll eyes
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Jul 8, 2010 11:15 AM CST No one wants to hear about how hurt you've been.
venusenvy
venusenvyvenusenvyCalgary, Alberta Canada27 Threads 20,003 Posts
Only a fool seeks to control Love. wine
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Jul 8, 2010 11:16 AM CST No one wants to hear about how hurt you've been.
SortaSag
SortaSagSortaSagDenver, Colorado USA8 Posts
Personally I would want to know what was important to a woman I was interested in for this way I could better understand who she was, perhaps even aid one another in that department. However, there are lots of different kinds of people, so many women and men might want the same things gardenhackle does from a relationship, while others may be more attuned on an emotional level.

But, I would agree with a general statement that such things are a turn off to all men, nor would I suggest all people dislike narcissism.
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Jul 8, 2010 11:16 AM CST No one wants to hear about how hurt you've been.
Ladybee42
Ladybee42Ladybee42East Liverpool, Ohio USA4 Threads 1,316 Posts
nevica: I don’t know, maybe that is about men. As a woman I wouldn’t mind to hear what a person have been through.
The cheerful “I am always glad and happy” person seems unnatural to me and would be probably irritating. I think it ok if someone shows me his weakness, it would only fill relationship with substance.
When you read books and watch movies the heroes are often in some trouble and help each other thruough that and in that way become a couple.


that's fair enough, but shouldn't your profile be a positive 'advertisement' of yourself? JMO but i never saw a tv advertisement giving us the downside/reality of any product..dunno
i think demon is a really nice person, but i get what the OP is making a point about..
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Jul 8, 2010 11:18 AM CST No one wants to hear about how hurt you've been.
gardenhackle
gardenhacklegardenhackleStratford, Connecticut USA55 Threads 9 Polls 2,067 Posts
jac379: You refer to people who like to control, but isn't that what you are doing here? Whilst there's some very sound advice in your thread, you are trying to control what others talk about.


Not at all. Free speech is important. If me saying that "no one wants to hear about how hurt you've been" forces you to stop telling people about how hurt you've been, then you got the wrong message. I didn't say you couldn't do it. I didn't say you shouldn't do it.

I'm just stating the fact that normal, sane, happy, healthy people don't really want to hear about how used, abused, broken hearted, etc., you've been. They WILL listen. They'll probably be kind and nice to you. And I guess if you're thinking it's just a good way to throw up a red flag to say, "I'm not in any kind of emotional shape to meet anyone", then it's one way of saying that.

And you know what.... I wouldn't be surprised if someone, agitated by the direct, unvarnished, blunt title reads this sometime today and thinks to themself, "you know, that guy's got no tact whatsoever, but.... I think I'm going to tone down the whining in my profile.

Nothing attracts a predator more quickly than the bleating of a fawn in distress.

Now, in case some of you who felt like I was making some personal message to you (and I'm not) didn't catch it the first time. That's my opinion. Take it for what it's worth and agree or disagree if you wish and by all means speak your mind either way if you're compelled to do so. I was hoping to "provoke" some thoughts and figured it would be a pretty good mix across the spectrum.

Apologies, of course, to anyone who erroneously felt like this was personal. Keep in mind that if someone announces "will all the silly people in the room please stand up", and a few people stand up, the announcer wasn't calling those people silly.
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