Seriously. Life has it's ups and downs. You may be exiting a long, horrible relationship. Taking that emotional baggage with you on a date or into a new relationship is a sure turnoff except, perhaps, to someone who's controlling.
If you're still licking your wounds from all the damage done by your past relationship, you're not ready for a new one. Put the past behind you, get over your stupid mistakes and choices, figure out why you made them and don't do it again. But for God's sake, move on. If you want to be happy and meet Mr. Right, then please do. And you need to do it in that order because Mr. Right is probably not going to come along if you aren't happy already.
This isn't about anyone in particular, just about life, in general. PMS is a turnoff (Poor Me Syndrome) and it afflicts men and women equally. Of course, if that's how you feel about life, then by all means, go ahead and communicate it because you need to be upfront and you'll get figured out soon enough if you don't. But if that's not who you really are or how you feel day to day, then.... I'd recommend talking about your hopes, aspirations, interests, fascinations and dreams. You're single. You need to have those things and pursue those things and find someone that won't be a roadblock to those things.
And, of course.... that's just my perspective and advice. It's free, so take it for what it's worth, LOL. :)
gardenhackle: Seriously. Life has it's ups and downs. You may be exiting a long, horrible relationship. Taking that emotional baggage with you on a date or into a new relationship is a sure turnoff except, perhaps, to someone who's controlling.
If you're still licking your wounds from all the damage done by your past relationship, you're not ready for a new one. Put the past behind you, get over your stupid mistakes and choices, figure out why you made them and don't do it again. But for God's sake, move on. If you want to be happy and meet Mr. Right, then please do. And you need to do it in that order because Mr. Right is probably not going to come along if you aren't happy already.
This isn't about anyone in particular, just about life, in general. PMS is a turnoff (Poor Me Syndrome) and it afflicts men and women equally. Of course, if that's how you feel about life, then by all means, go ahead and communicate it because you need to be upfront and you'll get figured out soon enough if you don't. But if that's not who you really are or how you feel day to day, then.... I'd recommend talking about your hopes, aspirations, interests, fascinations and dreams. You're single. You need to have those things and pursue those things and find someone that won't be a roadblock to those things.
And, of course.... that's just my perspective and advice. It's free, so take it for what it's worth, LOL. :)
it's worth a lot..it's free and well said. you have obviously been through the mill and come out the other side a little bruised but none the worse for wear.
demonfairyNewton,hickory, North Carolina USA5,654 posts
I saw you looked at my profile...and i think i have a positive profile...its what every normal person is looking for.Its nobodys place to say what a person can say on there profile,it tells us a lot about a person...if i see a profile i don't like i move own,because im not interested in that person have a good day..
Proudamerican100Somewhere, California USA570 posts
Thank you for showing us all the right way to behave and wanting to guide us to the light of redemption. I will keep this in mind everytime I want to actually let someone know I am human and not a robot. And also when a man wants to actually show he is capable of showing feelings I will ask him to save it I only want positive vibes in my leave it to beaver world.
cherrybrandycambridge, Cambridgeshire, England UK7,473 posts
Proudamerican100: Thank you for showing us all the right way to behave and wanting to guide us to the light of redemption. I will keep this in mind everytime I want to actually let someone know I am human and not a robot. And also when a man wants to actually show he is capable of showing feelings I will ask him to save it I only want positive vibes in my leave it to beaver world.
I would say gardenhackle has faced some serious circumstances, and over come them, without continuosly dwelling on woulda, shoulda, coulda. A very good course to take, and to move on with head held high. "Shake the dust from sandals", and get away from it.
demonfairy: I saw you looked at my profile...and i think i have a positive profile...its what every normal person is looking for.Its nobodys place to say what a person can say on there profile,it tells us a lot about a person...if i see a profile i don't like i move own,because im not interested in that person have a good day..
Not for nuthin', but I looked at your profile because I thought you made some remarks I liked in another subject. Just curious because I liked what you said. :)
jac379pontyclun, South Glamorgan, Wales UK12,293 posts
Personally, I don't mind if folk want to talk about their hurt, so I object to the title of this thread.
You refer to people who like to control, but isn't that what you are doing here? Whilst there's some very sound advice in your thread, you are trying to control what others talk about.
Its a free sight, with freedom of speech and if I don't want to be involved in a particular thread, I move on.
I think this is so much more than a dating website. The fact that there are options for friendship, talk/email/penpal, not single/not looking, etc. suggests in itself that its not compulsory to be single and looking for a date as a membership requirement.
This allows people to remain members regardless of whether, in this particular instance, they ready for a relationship, or not.
It allows people to toe-dip and test the water.
It allows people the room to grow, to heal, to explore all those things that you advise them to do.
Proudamerican100: Thank you for showing us all the right way to behave and wanting to guide us to the light of redemption. I will keep this in mind everytime I want to actually let someone know I am human and not a robot. And also when a man wants to actually show he is capable of showing feelings I will ask him to save it I only want positive vibes in my leave it to beaver world.
You're welcome. :) There's someone for everyone and I'm sure you'll find him. You might note that I did mention that if you really are all about the "I've been hurt so badly so many times" thing, then it's definitely the right thing to say in your profile. Otherwise, you might not find someone that appreciates it.
I don’t know, maybe that is about men. As a woman I wouldn’t mind to hear what a person have been through. The cheerful “I am always glad and happy” person seems unnatural to me and would be probably irritating. I think it ok if someone shows me his weakness, it would only fill relationship with substance. When you read books and watch movies the heroes are often in some trouble and help each other thruough that and in that way become a couple.
Proudamerican100Somewhere, California USA570 posts
gardenhackle: You're welcome. :) There's someone for everyone and I'm sure you'll find him. You might note that I did mention that if you really are all about the "I've been hurt so badly so many times" thing, then it's definitely the right thing to say in your profile. Otherwise, you might not find someone that appreciates it.
Do you have anymore advice on what one should put in their profile That is silly. A profile is an outline of something. Not a life story. If we are doing a life story I think arrogant people should also disclose that information. Where would the list stop soup preferences?
Personally I would want to know what was important to a woman I was interested in for this way I could better understand who she was, perhaps even aid one another in that department. However, there are lots of different kinds of people, so many women and men might want the same things gardenhackle does from a relationship, while others may be more attuned on an emotional level.
But, I would agree with a general statement that such things are a turn off to all men, nor would I suggest all people dislike narcissism.
nevica: I don’t know, maybe that is about men. As a woman I wouldn’t mind to hear what a person have been through. The cheerful “I am always glad and happy” person seems unnatural to me and would be probably irritating. I think it ok if someone shows me his weakness, it would only fill relationship with substance. When you read books and watch movies the heroes are often in some trouble and help each other thruough that and in that way become a couple.
that's fair enough, but shouldn't your profile be a positive 'advertisement' of yourself? JMO but i never saw a tv advertisement giving us the downside/reality of any product.. i think demon is a really nice person, but i get what the OP is making a point about..
jac379: You refer to people who like to control, but isn't that what you are doing here? Whilst there's some very sound advice in your thread, you are trying to control what others talk about.
Not at all. Free speech is important. If me saying that "no one wants to hear about how hurt you've been" forces you to stop telling people about how hurt you've been, then you got the wrong message. I didn't say you couldn't do it. I didn't say you shouldn't do it.
I'm just stating the fact that normal, sane, happy, healthy people don't really want to hear about how used, abused, broken hearted, etc., you've been. They WILL listen. They'll probably be kind and nice to you. And I guess if you're thinking it's just a good way to throw up a red flag to say, "I'm not in any kind of emotional shape to meet anyone", then it's one way of saying that.
And you know what.... I wouldn't be surprised if someone, agitated by the direct, unvarnished, blunt title reads this sometime today and thinks to themself, "you know, that guy's got no tact whatsoever, but.... I think I'm going to tone down the whining in my profile.
Nothing attracts a predator more quickly than the bleating of a fawn in distress.
Now, in case some of you who felt like I was making some personal message to you (and I'm not) didn't catch it the first time. That's my opinion. Take it for what it's worth and agree or disagree if you wish and by all means speak your mind either way if you're compelled to do so. I was hoping to "provoke" some thoughts and figured it would be a pretty good mix across the spectrum.
Apologies, of course, to anyone who erroneously felt like this was personal. Keep in mind that if someone announces "will all the silly people in the room please stand up", and a few people stand up, the announcer wasn't calling those people silly.
Report threads that break rules, are offensive, or contain fighting. Staff may not be aware of the forum abuse, and cannot do anything about it unless you tell us about it. click to report forum abuse »
If one of the comments is offensive, please report the comment instead (there is a link in each comment to report it).
If you're still licking your wounds from all the damage done by your past relationship, you're not ready for a new one. Put the past behind you, get over your stupid mistakes and choices, figure out why you made them and don't do it again. But for God's sake, move on. If you want to be happy and meet Mr. Right, then please do. And you need to do it in that order because Mr. Right is probably not going to come along if you aren't happy already.
This isn't about anyone in particular, just about life, in general. PMS is a turnoff (Poor Me Syndrome) and it afflicts men and women equally. Of course, if that's how you feel about life, then by all means, go ahead and communicate it because you need to be upfront and you'll get figured out soon enough if you don't. But if that's not who you really are or how you feel day to day, then.... I'd recommend talking about your hopes, aspirations, interests, fascinations and dreams. You're single. You need to have those things and pursue those things and find someone that won't be a roadblock to those things.
And, of course.... that's just my perspective and advice. It's free, so take it for what it's worth, LOL. :)