Mind over heart to get over an ex (36)
missingLondonMsida, Majjistral Malta101 Threads 11 Polls 455 PostsWhy is it such a struggle to break the emotional bond with an ex with whom you were together for a long time? When does the battle between mind telling you they're not worth it and heart wanting the bond back stop?
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I think it's a little different for everyone... but changing your routines can really speed it up because old routines trigger thoughts/feelings about someone who was part of that routine in any way.
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missingLondon: Why is it such a struggle to break the emotional bond with an ex with whom you were together for a long time? When does the battle between mind telling you they're not worth it and heart wanting the bond back stop?
I don't really know how to answer your question... I guess it takes a different amount of time for each of us. In my situation, once I made the decision to split, I was sure, and this was after 23 years of marriage. When the divorce was finalised, I was even more certain I'd done the right thing, and now almost 3 years later, I haven't changed my mind. We're all different, but we all need time to heal after the demise of a long relationship. Good luck sweetpea!
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missingLondon: Why is it such a struggle to break the emotional bond with an ex with whom you were together for a long time? When does the battle between mind telling you they're not worth it and heart wanting the bond back stop?
It is a struggle because your logical sense is in conflict with what you feel. It stops when the two are in agreement.
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The process is different for everyone. I choose to look at each "emotional" loss as a learning experience, even if I do not immediately understand what lessons I've learned. I focus my energies on other things. When I find myself thinking maudlin thoughts, I get into something physical to break away from thinking.
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I am going through the same thing with my ex. Although we haven't talk for a while now, but i still think about her like crazy. It's hard letting go of the past. But I try working out, going fishing, going out with friends. just being around people seem to help. I tell you one thing though... healing takes time. eventually that person will be a past memory and experience learn from. so hang in there, we will be ok.
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missingLondon: Why is it such a struggle to break the emotional bond with an ex with whom you were together for a long time? When does the battle between mind telling you they're not worth it and heart wanting the bond back stop?
ya it took me at least 7 months to get over my last bf
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Maybe never?
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missingLondon: Why is it such a struggle to break the emotional bond with an ex with whom you were together for a long time?
The emotional bond was built over a period of time, and it sure is not going to magically disappear over night. All kinds of experiences were shared together---visions were shared together, adversities were shared together, love was shared together, life changing moments were shared together etc.
We tend to identify ourselves through our partners and relationships, some even define their lives and happiness by this since it harbors the deepest meaning to them. Many individuals depend on and need someone outside of the self in order to be happy. So when we lose our partners, we tend to think that we have lost a part of ourselves.
We all felt at one time, that our ex was possibly going to be with us forever, so when the relationship fails, it can be hard to react to and manage in that sense. Ideally, we all want to find somebody special, and stay with them forever in bliss.
Yeah, that's life and it takes time to accept the new reality. A significant factor I've observed, is how an individual invests his or her focus after the breakup. Continually focusing on thoughts such as "why me", "I need him, I can't go on without him", or "I'll never find somebody else, I'll be lonely forever" only bring emotions such as pain and fear---disharmony---and prolongs the recovery process.
On the other hand, and with time, realizing that the relationship is no longer serving anybody, and that you can be hopeful about the future about being happy alone and finding another loved one really helps with the recovery process.
missingLondon:
When does the battle between mind telling you they're not worth it and heart wanting the bond back stop?
When does the battle between mind telling you they're not worth it and heart wanting the bond back stop?
Perspective, time, and realization. Getting perspective during that process is very important---talk to friends, family, and read any material relating to that so you can begin to come out of the static. The main thing is acknowledging that the relationship was no longer serving either of you two and that people do go in different directions for various reasons that may seem unfair. In other words, letting go. And love does mean letting go. Love for yourself, and your partner. Holding on too long is not being fair and honest with yourself since it only brings disharmony. The moment you begin to let go of ideas and thoughts that don't work for you, the sooner and quicker you'll be on the path to recovery and moving on with no hard feelings---but understanding.
There is no standard of time for the letting go and recovery process, it's up to you. It can be a couple of months or years. We can still always remember the good times, but at the same time, we must live in the now and go forward with happiness and confidence.
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missingLondon: Why is it such a struggle to break the emotional bond with an ex with whom you were together for a long time? When does the battle between mind telling you they're not worth it and heart wanting the bond back stop?
I think it's when you have enough self esteem.
Many romanticize their past relationship like it's out of a movie when in reality if it was so great, the other person would not have left.
Always cracks me up when someone cries over someone that cheated or used them for money or whatever. I mean good riddance. Who wants that?
it's ok to be sad but in time you should move on. If you can't it's on each of us. Obviously the other person moved on.
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Doesn't have to be this way!!! Best recipe I ever found was just go find another. Sure, some people lost are special, but we have to live life on life's terms...agree? Obviously, we're adaptable, or we wouldn't have ex's...hmmm? Get intent to recover and move on whether he ever comes back or not! Just get that right foot in front and start moving again. MOVE it, NOW!
I speak from experience.
****This one won't respond to other's posts over my commmentary, so don't waste precious time****
I speak from experience.
****This one won't respond to other's posts over my commmentary, so don't waste precious time****
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I had a sad experience. I got involved with my ex for 1 year after we broke up. Its hard break the emotional thing when lot of things between us were "emotional" special...
So, you need to be occupied. Busy, make things.. and you will see time runs.
Just try to do different things.. away from those things you used to do
So, you need to be occupied. Busy, make things.. and you will see time runs.
Just try to do different things.. away from those things you used to do
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Since there must have been something that attracted you to them in the first place, it would take longer to get over them. The feelings can be over come, yet it will take perseverance to put them in the past. I have been there and done that and it comes down to how you broke up and how they treated you while you were with them.
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Remember the good times, be happy that you shared them, then bless the person, wish them well and release them from your heart and mind.
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StressFree - thank you for your post. Though I didn't start this thread, I have been feeling the same as "Missing London". I hope your answer helped her as much as it did me.
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PrettyfoxAZ: Doesn't have to be this way!!! Best recipe I ever found was just go find another. Sure, some people lost are special, but we have to live life on life's terms...agree? Obviously, we're adaptable, or we wouldn't have ex's...hmmm? Get intent to recover and move on whether he ever comes back or not! Just get that right foot in front and start moving again. MOVE it, NOW!
I speak from experience.
****This one won't respond to other's posts over my commmentary, so don't waste precious time****
I speak from experience.
****This one won't respond to other's posts over my commmentary, so don't waste precious time****
I agree when your attention is focussed on another relationship you let go of the fear of being alone forever and never loving the same way. The problem is when you remain single and fearing you will never feel that way about anybody else and will always love that person in a special way. Perhaps you never stop loving from a distance somebody you spent years with talking 12 years here even though rationally you know it cannot work and you can't make each other happy.
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missingLondon: Why is it such a struggle to break the emotional bond with an ex with whom you were together for a long time? When does the battle between mind telling you they're not worth it and heart wanting the bond back stop?
In my opinion it is a continued reaction of how we have reacted in the past. I personally treat, affirm and declare to release the need or the reaction to the past. I know I tended to carry the same experience threw most relationships. I am threw. I release my reaction to the past. I have learned to rejoice give thanks. See my part in my pain, process the hurt, anger ,fear , be grateful and know never a failure always a lesson. It will not last forever. I have been threw so many experiences. I have now learned to trust. I know what happens is for my highest good. I know the hurt you speak of. I have the power in my life now. I tried and worked along time . I know now how to understand. I do not waste time. I make good use of what I have. Any energy that relates to hurt I process in to creativity or doing something of service or a random act of kindness. There are more loves than romantic. We have to go threw experiences to prepare us to understand and then we can handle what cycles us up. It is going to be ok
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well im going through the same thing right now..i cant give you an answer. but time heals. what im trying to do is be engaged in new activites and be around ppl..but not to worry..we'll get over it someday
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Time takes time...we all heal at our own speed. Just be easy on yourself for awhile doll
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PrettyfoxAZ: Doesn't have to be this way!!! Best recipe I ever found was just go find another.
That is a recipe for disaster...
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Created: Sep 2010
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