Real Love, True Love ( Archived) (16)

Sep 30, 2010 3:58 PM CST Real Love, True Love
StressFree
StressFreeStressFreesmall city, Kalmar Sweden176 Threads 16 Polls 8,986 Posts
It seems that most of us have a list about what constitutes "real love". Many of us even like to put a patent on what "true love" is. And yes, our definitions of true or real love may conflict with other versions of true love.

Love can be very subjective, even selfish in many ways. I've seen all the expectations and conditions attached to true and real love, many of which that turn out to be counter-productive in the long run.

The high divorce rates in our society speak a cruel truth as to how we define love in our modern day society. Perhaps our definitions of love is not sound? Perhaps we do have too many expectations, maybe we do expect our partners to fill a void that we can only fulfill from within?

Maybe we've become to impatient, we've become too selfish, and we've become too arrogant? Maybe we are better off being single?

Maybe we've been fooled into thinking that love should never encounter adversities and challenges? Maybe we give up too soon? Maybe we look for this idea of perfect love elsewhere when our relationships encounter a hiccup---only to run into the same problems elsewhere?


True love, real love---what do expect of your partner and in a relationship? What is true and real love to you? When do we draw the line to look elsewhere?

To be honest, we've become a reflection of our selfish and impatient society where happiness is dependent from outside the self. If our partners make any kind of mistake, we perceive that as a weakness that diminishes our views of just how strong the love and relationship is. We demand that our partners fit in with our ideal picture of how a partner should act and react, and forget to give them the liberty to be themselves. We take things too personal, have too much need to change our partners. We want more and more and more while forgetting to look in the mirror.

It's no coincidence that nobody stays together. We've been trained to give up, indoctrinated to demand, conditioned to not respect and roll with the changes...
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Sep 30, 2010 4:17 PM CST Real Love, True Love
StressFree
StressFreeStressFreesmall city, Kalmar Sweden176 Threads 16 Polls 8,986 Posts
venus2010: Real Love, True Love.

What? What are you talking about? There is no love. Ask women. They will ask you how much money do you make? Do you own your own house? then they will compare with how much do they make. And only then they may talk with you seriously.

Get down on earth man. You are in the year 2010.


Yes, I'm aware of that. I'm from Silicon Valley, and have experienced that sort of materialism.

There is love. Depends where and how you look for it. I am firmly planted with earthly ways in this world...
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Sep 30, 2010 4:26 PM CST Real Love, True Love
demonfairy
demonfairydemonfairyNewton,hickory, North Carolina USA120 Threads 17 Polls 5,654 Posts
There are different kinds of love..the love i have for my family(daughter,brothers,mother)The love of life,living each day to the fullest,....the love of a man,i have found that each time i fell in love it was different,over time it deepened with each one.I never expect from someone more then i can give myself.All i ask is to be yourself,treat me like you want to be treated,work with me to improve our love and life.all one needs is the basics in life,roof over our head,food on the table,to be warm in winter,cool in summer,a little money in the bank in case its needed,a job,way to get to work...and love each other.
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Sep 30, 2010 4:36 PM CST Real Love, True Love
bodleing
bodleingbodleingGreater Manchester, England UK238 Threads 8 Polls 13,810 Posts
StressFree: Lust and love are two different things. Experiencing lust is imperative in forming our awareness of love. The love I speak of is loving our partners for who they are, because we chose them as life partners---we give them the liberty to be themselves and to allow them to love us in their own way---not how we demand they should love us.

Love is slippery my friend...


Indeed.

"Love is wanting the other to be."

St Augustine.
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Sep 30, 2010 4:44 PM CST Real Love, True Love
StressFree
StressFreeStressFreesmall city, Kalmar Sweden176 Threads 16 Polls 8,986 Posts
venus2010: I don't think love is needed at all. Just a little bit respect for the men would be fine.

If women say we are looking for a man who has at least same house like we do, or who earns at least as we do., or a man should be "ambitious and should have goals", or a man should live in the US, then i see it as there is no respect to men. Men are treated like money making mashine or career making mashine today. In this situation love cannot exist. I cannot love women like that. No one gonna love them.


Then don't. They are not for you, move on and find somebody who matches your vibration and thoughts.

Love is all we need my friend. It is needed, it gives us meaning and purpose. Love in all of its forms conquers darkness.
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Sep 30, 2010 4:47 PM CST Real Love, True Love
lifeisadream
lifeisadreamlifeisadreamMexi Go, Mexico State Mexico156 Threads 20 Polls 16,713 Posts
Of course there is true love and it goes with commitment and respect for each other!

And I do not expect society to dictate me what is good or not for me nor statistics rule my life.

I do believe in Love, still.

wine
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Sep 30, 2010 4:49 PM CST Real Love, True Love
StressFree
StressFreeStressFreesmall city, Kalmar Sweden176 Threads 16 Polls 8,986 Posts
demonfairy: There are different kinds of love..the love i have for my family(daughter,brothers,mother)The love of life,living each day to the fullest,....the love of a man,i have found that each time i fell in love it was different,over time it deepened with each one.I never expect from someone more then i can give myself.All i ask is to be yourself,treat me like you want to be treated,work with me to improve our love and life.all one needs is the basics in life,roof over our head,food on the table,to be warm in winter,cool in summer,a little money in the bank in case its needed,a job,way to get to work...and love each other.


Yes, this is adapting to the modern world, but love being attached to a bank account does not seem real to me. This is adapting to love in our world construct, where labels, job titles, and values are applied in the one's sense of love. I don't see this as true love. Sorry. What if this person become rich? And you never gave him the chance to succeed in this materialistic sense?
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Sep 30, 2010 4:57 PM CST Real Love, True Love
demonfairy
demonfairydemonfairyNewton,hickory, North Carolina USA120 Threads 17 Polls 5,654 Posts
StressFree: Yes, this is adapting to the modern world, but love being attached to a bank account does not seem real to me. This is adapting to love in our world construct, where labels, job titles, and values are applied in the one's sense of love. I don't see this as true love. Sorry. What if this person become rich? And you never gave him the chance to succeed in this materialistic sense?
What choices he makes,be it job or what every,i would be behind him 100%....what i meant by what i said was you don't have to be rich to be happy,i don't think love chooses whether you are rich or not.Theres nothing wrong with bettering your life,by hard work..as long as it doesn't take over your whole life,people need together time to.
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Sep 30, 2010 5:09 PM CST Real Love, True Love
Bental
BentalBentalAttard, Majjistral Malta2 Threads 574 Posts
venus2010: I don't think love is needed at all. Just a little bit respect for the men would be fine.

If women say we are looking for a man who has at least same house like we do, or who earns at least as we do., or a man should be "ambitious and should have goals", or a man should live in the US, then i see it as there is no respect to men. Men are treated like money making mashine or career making mashine today. In this situation love cannot exist. I cannot love women like that. No one gonna love them.



I don't get you!

Reading your profile and reading your post, are two completely different things. Decide, which side of the fence do you want to be on.dunno

Love is what makes the world go round, and if you haven't got it, it is because you have not earned it. If all you can say is in your profile, then I am really sorry for you.
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Sep 30, 2010 5:14 PM CST Real Love, True Love
opentuit
opentuitopentuitKnoxville, Tennessee USA14 Threads 2 Polls 2,014 Posts
I think the original post has "love" and "commitment" all jumbled up together. Sometimes the two occur together, and sometimes they don't.

A marriage is a partnership with certain shared goals, like traveling, continuing education, participating in community service, buying a home, raising children, putting them through college, saving for retirement, or whatever is important to the two people involved. Some people make good "business partners" this way, but they don't seem especially lovey-dovey....lol

Love all by itself requires no commitment and implies no goals; it makes no demands and has no expectations. Love comes easy to me, and it's natural to want to share it. Some people let it in, and some people don't. I don't concern myself with that end of it. All that matters is that I continue to love. I can't imagine living any other way. Life would seem to have no point otherwise.

I guess what you are calling "true love" is when each person is able to share a pure love without expectation AND they have chosen to pursue certain common goals as a team, including the goal of maintain the purity of that love for the duration.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on it for the moment...

teddybear
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Sep 30, 2010 5:32 PM CST Real Love, True Love
BellaTheRebel48
BellaTheRebel48BellaTheRebel48Minneapolis, Minnesota USA7 Threads 2 Polls 242 Posts
OP, I agree with you on this one, basically I agree with everything you stated.

"We've become a reflection of our selfish and impatient society."I've been saying the very same thing for I don't know how long. For so many people, it's a me, me, me thing, I don't give a damn about you and what you want or need as long as you take care of MY needs and wants and I want them all taken care of immediately!!! Seriously, this is what we've come too and we have been conditioned into this type of behavior and the conditioning has been going on for quite sometime.

Yes, people may feel love for their children, parents or whatnot, but love between a man and a woman, real love, true love???, ha!! It's next to impossible to see people actually living out the life of real love, true love with one person. Our grandparents did, many of them spent 50+ years together, but they were already settled when things began to change into what we see today.

"We want more and more and more while forgetting to look in the mirror."

There can be several meanings to that. One can take that as to mean, I want you to look as you did when you were sixteen, however, that does not apply to me. Or, I expect you to be this and be that. I do not expect you to grow old, become wrinkled and we grow old together.

Or it can be taken to mean we want more from the other person without feeling the need to offer them more. We become instead only takers and not givers. We don't understand the concept of share. You've got this and I want a part of it, so since I've got to take you in order to get what you got, so be it. I can look in the mirror and still like myself even though I know I'm just using you.

I'll stick with the single life because I really don't think real love, true love exits.uncertain
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Sep 30, 2010 8:10 PM CST Real Love, True Love
StressFree
StressFreeStressFreesmall city, Kalmar Sweden176 Threads 16 Polls 8,986 Posts
opentuit: I think the original post has "love" and "commitment" all jumbled up together. Sometimes the two occur together, and sometimes they don't.

A marriage is a partnership with certain shared goals, like traveling, continuing education, participating in community service, buying a home, raising children, putting them through college, saving for retirement, or whatever is important to the two people involved. Some people make good "business partners" this way, but they don't seem especially lovey-dovey....lol

Love all by itself requires no commitment and implies no goals; it makes no demands and has no expectations. Love comes easy to me, and it's natural to want to share it. Some people let it in, and some people don't. I don't concern myself with that end of it. All that matters is that I continue to love. I can't imagine living any other way. Life would seem to have no point otherwise.

I guess what you are calling "true love" is when each person is able to share a pure love without expectation AND they have chosen to pursue certain common goals as a team, including the goal of maintain the purity of that love for the duration.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on it for the moment...


Yes opentuit, great points. The idea is that a commitment to love and partnership is entangled, and not independent.

Love, commitment, and responsibilities all go together. There are the practical things in life that we must do together in order to help out each other, that is part of a loving relationship---those are the things we accept instead of resist. I'm not speaking in terms of happiness, but rather in terms of support. Supporting each other without expecting something in return means love---in an emotional sense and even in an economical sense should the situation arise. Once we cut each other off due to financial reasons, than that is the world dividing us, not lack of love.

It is expected that our partners will emotionally support us when we need it in tough times---that is sustainment and survival in a secure relationship. However, to expect our partners to act and react in a fashion that only suits us is counter productive since our partners cannot read minds and are not on this planet to serve us. That would be unfair. They may elevate our levels of happiness, but our happiness should not be dependent on how our partners deliver happiness to us.
For instance, if my girlfriend forgets to get me a turkey sandwich from the deli, and I define that as her not loving me enough since she should have not forgotten to do that, and if I add that with her not watching this tv show with me as some reasoning that our love is not real, well, that is a false belief of love.
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Sep 30, 2010 8:14 PM CST Real Love, True Love
StressFree
StressFreeStressFreesmall city, Kalmar Sweden176 Threads 16 Polls 8,986 Posts
demonfairy: What choices he makes,be it job or what every,i would be behind him 100%....what i meant by what i said was you don't have to be rich to be happy,i don't think love chooses whether you are rich or not.Theres nothing wrong with bettering your life,by hard work..as long as it doesn't take over your whole life,people need together time to.


Yes, so true DF. Unfortunately, many Americans don't have so much free time to have this quality time with all the hours a couple may work. So, when there is such little time a day to spend together, a sense of personal liberty may present some problems---and how a couple defines how free time should be spent. The core of this problem is the society we live in. The world has presented so many challenges to love.
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Sep 30, 2010 8:25 PM CST Real Love, True Love
plainlyjune
plainlyjuneplainlyjuneLegazpi City, Bicol Philippines12 Threads 2 Polls 8,175 Posts
hmmm... I think love is caring. I love every person who come into my life and leave a mark. I say every person because even for those people who have left me with scars, my hurt and pain is still borne out of love. My love for them may change in nature but i still love them. I don't think there is such a thing as a false love or a love that is not real for an honest person.dunno
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Sep 30, 2010 8:34 PM CST Real Love, True Love
StressFree
StressFreeStressFreesmall city, Kalmar Sweden176 Threads 16 Polls 8,986 Posts
BellaTheRebel48:


"We want more and more and more while forgetting to look in the mirror."

There can be several meanings to that. One can take that as to mean, I want you to look as you did when you were sixteen, however, that does not apply to me. Or, I expect you to be this and be that. I do not expect you to grow old, become wrinkled and we grow old together.

Or it can be taken to mean we want more from the other person without feeling the need to offer them more. We become instead only takers and not givers. We don't understand the concept of share. You've got this and I want a part of it, so since I've got to take you in order to get what you got, so be it. I can look in the mirror and still like myself even though I know I'm just using you.

I'll stick with the single life because I really don't think real love, true love exits.


Yeah, great points that are parcels of the whole. The idea I meant with the mirror, is that we ambitiously look for harmony, happiness, and love from outside, instead of from within. Once you are stable and can love yourself for who you are, you don't need so to desperately look outside for this sense of balance. It makes it easier to give and receive love from our partners, since we are able to do this with the Self. It makes it easier to embrace and appreciate who we are with, instead of trying to form them into some idea that aligns our picture of a perfect partner. Very unfair to do that.
So we project these illusory needs and expectations upon our partners and external experiences. I know, not an easy task in this world.

What you believe and how you define your reality, will only reflect what you project. The choice is always yours. Being is believing, and believing is being.
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Sep 30, 2010 8:39 PM CST Real Love, True Love
FreddyFudpucker
FreddyFudpuckerFreddyFudpuckerObamaville, Indiana USA10,179 Posts
drinking

I want to see how this unfolds.
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