Tomorrow will be two years since my late husband died.... Sure hope the link is in blue so you can just click on it to hear the song!!!!
I sure hope you understand what I'm feeling right now?????
I'm sooooooooo very sorry to have lost it at times at the forums..It's just my eyes are filled with water, yet, NOT one tear with fall from my eyes.... NO relief in sight to relieve the built up stress and ever soooooooo much anxiety...Even guilt that I had to be the one to sign the papers to stop all life saving drugs to keep him alive...All other meds to keep him out of pain and very much out of it was supplied...Nevertheless, I feel like a murderer!!!
Please feel free to post your song that you're feeling right now!!!!
Tomorrow will be two years since my late husband died.... Sure hope the link is in blue so you can just click on it to hear the song!!!!
I sure hope you understand what I'm feeling right now?????
I'm sooooooooo very sorry to have lost it at times at the forums..It's just my eyes are filled with water, yet, NOT one tear with fall from my eyes.... NO relief in sight to relieve the built up stress and ever soooooooo much anxiety...Even guilt that I had to be the one to sign the papers to stop all life saving drugs to keep him alive...All other meds to keep him out of pain and very much out of it was supplied...Nevertheless, I feel like a murderer!!!
Please feel free to post your song that you're feeling right now!!!!
Give yourself permission to feel sorrow, anger, loss, depression etc., it's the only way to clear the path ahead.
Tomorrow will be two years since my late husband died.... Sure hope the link is in blue so you can just click on it to hear the song!!!!
I sure hope you understand what I'm feeling right now?????
I'm sooooooooo very sorry to have lost it at times at the forums..It's just my eyes are filled with water, yet, NOT one tear with fall from my eyes.... NO relief in sight to relieve the built up stress and ever soooooooo much anxiety...Even guilt that I had to be the one to sign the papers to stop all life saving drugs to keep him alive...All other meds to keep him out of pain and very much out of it was supplied...Nevertheless, I feel like a murderer!!!
Please feel free to post your song that you're feeling right now!!!!
Tomorrow will be two years since my late husband died.... Sure hope the link is in blue so you can just click on it to hear the song!!!!
I sure hope you understand what I'm feeling right now?????
I'm sooooooooo very sorry to have lost it at times at the forums..It's just my eyes are filled with water, yet, NOT one tear with fall from my eyes.... NO relief in sight to relieve the built up stress and ever soooooooo much anxiety...Even guilt that I had to be the one to sign the papers to stop all life saving drugs to keep him alive...All other meds to keep him out of pain and very much out of it was supplied...Nevertheless, I feel like a murderer!!!
Please feel free to post your song that you're feeling right now!!!!
paws4: Give yourself permission to feel sorrow, anger, loss, depression etc., it's the only way to clear the path ahead.
You don't understand!!!! I kept the house up inside and out the first year of his death... NOW!!! I don't do anything at all. I should be getting better..NOT, ever so much worse!!! Even I know this is NOT normal!!!
Please..by all means..post your song that happens to strike your fancy at this particular moment....Just,maybe it will change my mood..LOL..
starshinebrightRiverside, California USA6,305 posts
hopeeyefindyou: You don't understand!!!! I kept the house up inside and out the first year of his death... NOW!!! I don't do anything at all. I should be getting better..NOT, ever so much worse!!! Even I know this is NOT normal!!!
Please..by all means..post your song that happens to strike your fancy at this particular moment....Just,maybe it will change my mood..LOL..
Hope
You are not alone, you did everything you could humanly do. Tonight, sit and write him a letter, tell him everything, then burn then letter and begin to live again...............
OutofafricaPerth, Western Australia Australia1,296 posts
hopeeyefindyou: You don't understand!!!! I kept the house up inside and out the first year of his death... NOW!!! I don't do anything at all. I should be getting better..NOT, ever so much worse!!! Even I know this is NOT normal!!!
Please..by all means..post your song that happens to strike your fancy at this particular moment....Just,maybe it will change my mood..LOL..
Hope
Hope, this is good advice, perhaps consider getting some professional help.
When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone, When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes
Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on) If you feel like letting go, (hold on) When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on
'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone
If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long, When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on
Well, everybody hurts sometimes, Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on Everybody hurts. You are not alone
jac379pontyclun, South Glamorgan, Wales UK12,293 posts
hopeeyefindyou: You don't understand!!!! I kept the house up inside and out the first year of his death... NOW!!! I don't do anything at all. I should be getting better..NOT, ever so much worse!!! Even I know this is NOT normal!!!
Please..by all means..post your song that happens to strike your fancy at this particular moment....Just,maybe it will change my mood..LOL..
Hope
Actually, I think that is normal.
It was three years before I stopped feeling like a murderess after assisting my first dog to die, even though rationally, I knew it was the right thing to do.
I think its normal to have a period of shock where you carry on almost "normally" before reality sinks in.
I think its normal to have a very high arousal/anxiety level for a long period of time after something like this and that helps you cope and keeps you active a busy.
At some point, though, its possible to push yourself too far and become just plain exhausted. This can include a breakdown/exhaustion of your limbic system which is the real physical illness that is depression.
Its then normal to go through a period of lethargy. You need to rest in order to recover. The housework can wait, you can't.
Anti-depressants support the limbic system enabling you to mend yourself, but they work best in conjunction with some kind of emotional support, such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or bereavement therapy.
You've said you've had outbursts, which I've not witnessed. This is normal. Anger during the grieving process is normal.
You might not feel it at the moment, but you are in recovery. Its just that it takes an awful long time, especially when grief is complex, like yours, (the decisions you had to take complicate the grief).
2intrigued: Although sad, this song has brought me strength through some difficult times.....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijZRCIrTgQc
When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone, When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes
Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on) If you feel like letting go, (hold on) When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on
'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone
If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long, When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on
Well, everybody hurts sometimes, Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on Everybody hurts. You are not alone
2intrigued: Although sad, this song has brought me strength through some difficult times.....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijZRCIrTgQc
When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone, When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes
Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on) If you feel like letting go, (hold on) When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on
'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone
If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long, When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on
Well, everybody hurts sometimes, Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on Everybody hurts. You are not alone
Thank you 2triniqued... You hit the nail right on the head with this song!!!
It was three years before I stopped feeling like a murderess after assisting my first dog to die, even though rationally, I knew it was the right thing to do.
I think its normal to have a period of shock where you carry on almost "normally" before reality sinks in.
I think its normal to have a very high arousal/anxiety level for a long period of time after something like this and that helps you cope and keeps you active a busy.
At some point, though, its possible to push yourself too far and become just plain exhausted. This can include a breakdown/exhaustion of your limbic system which is the real physical illness that is depression.
Its then normal to go through a period of lethargy. You need to rest in order to recover. The housework can wait, you can't.
Anti-depressants support the limbic system enabling you to mend yourself, but they work best in conjunction with some kind of emotional support, such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or bereavement therapy.
You've said you've had outbursts, which I've not witnessed. This is normal. Anger during the grieving process is normal.
You might not feel it at the moment, but you are in recovery. Its just that it takes an awful long time, especially when grief is complex, like yours, (the decisions you had to take complicate the grief).
I wish I could believe you on your theory of progress. It has been over 16 years ago when I had to put down my first pet. I still feel like I murdered her, even though I had her sadated before for the IV killled her her...She never even flitched an eye much less gasped for air...It was over as soon as the suringe went into her vein........ I still can't get over the thought I killed her....Can you imagine how I feel doing this to my husband??? Only, it wasn't quick like my dog!!!
The death rattle was unberable for me...Everyone told me he was NOT in any pain or aware of the dying process because Of the drugs I insisted on him having....I made my decision based on what I would want if it were myself going through what he was going through......I don't believe he would have done the same for me.. He never would take any of our babies (pets) to be put down!!! I always had to be the strong one to do all the dirty work; He never had the strength to do that kind of stuff...
Now do you se why I fel sooooooooo guilty????
Thank you for caring enough to reply to my thread.
God bless you
Hope
PS...I'm NOT looking over my post to look for any mistakes..Just don't feel like it it...Hope you don't mind!!!
starshinebright: You are not alone, you did everything you could humanly do. Tonight, sit and write him a letter, tell him everything, then burn then letter and begin to live again...............
your friend.........
I will try to do as you asked..... Thank you once again for taking your time to contact me... My very dear friend!!!
hopeeyefindyou: Thank you 2triniqued... You hit the nail right on the head with this song!!!
You're very welcome hun, it expresses it quite well when you're in that "zone". I know, been there and done that....not pleasant. There is no set time frame for getting over grief...it varies with each individual. Time does heal and it's important for you to reach out to friends...be with friends.
2intrigued: You're very welcome hun, it expresses it quite well when you're in that "zone". I know, been there and done that....not pleasant. There is no set time frame for getting over grief...it varies with each individual. Time does heal and it's important for you to reach out to friends...be with friends.
I just want to thank you all for your kind words. Private emails and flowers to me... You are all great people to respond to my despair in my time of need!!!!
I also want to thank you for the songs all of you sent me.... How sweet and understanding... the whole lot of you are!!!
I mean this with my whole heart!!! to all of you!!
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Tomorrow will be two years since my late husband died.... Sure hope the link is in blue so you can just click on it to hear the song!!!!
I sure hope you understand what I'm feeling right now?????
I'm sooooooooo very sorry to have lost it at times at the forums..It's just my eyes are filled with water, yet, NOT one tear with fall from my eyes.... NO relief in sight to relieve the built up stress and ever soooooooo much anxiety...Even guilt that I had to be the one to sign the papers to stop all life saving drugs to keep him alive...All other meds to keep him out of pain and very much out of it was supplied...Nevertheless, I feel like a murderer!!!
Please feel free to post your song that you're feeling right now!!!!