Children as Friends (16)
wikked: Is it possible to be a parent AND a friend to your child/children?
Does being their "friend" hinder the decisions you would make as a parent?
Do you "parent" the friends you have in your social circle?
Does being their "friend" hinder the decisions you would make as a parent?
Do you "parent" the friends you have in your social circle?
Absolutely it's possible.
There's a time to be there for your child and have them feel as though they can tell you anything or discuss anything.
However, there is also quite another time to be there to nurture them and to discipline them.
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IMHO, I think it's quite possible to be a friend to your child, once that child has reached a reasonable age. Until a child has reached about 15 years old (and proven their relative maturity), their thinking can be muddled and they can get confused quite easily. That happens throughout life, but it's something that a child does not and will not understand how to handle without parental guidance.
I knew a woman who was trying to be her son's best friend, so she was buying a 12-year old beer and cigarettes and allowing him to run around with guys twice his age. He had no respect for her or for authority in general. I tried to explain to her that he needed her to be his mother, not his best friend, at that stage of his life. As a result of her being his best friend (and he admitted that she was), he ended up in serious trouble, spent time in a mental institution, and all 3 of her kids ended up in foster care.
It's a fine line that separates friend and parent. Children are forced to grow up so quickly these days. That makes our job as parents much more difficult.
I knew a woman who was trying to be her son's best friend, so she was buying a 12-year old beer and cigarettes and allowing him to run around with guys twice his age. He had no respect for her or for authority in general. I tried to explain to her that he needed her to be his mother, not his best friend, at that stage of his life. As a result of her being his best friend (and he admitted that she was), he ended up in serious trouble, spent time in a mental institution, and all 3 of her kids ended up in foster care.
It's a fine line that separates friend and parent. Children are forced to grow up so quickly these days. That makes our job as parents much more difficult.
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wikked: Is it possible to be a parent AND a friend to your child/children?
Does being their "friend" hinder the decisions you would make as a parent?
Do you "parent" the friends you have in your social circle?
Does being their "friend" hinder the decisions you would make as a parent?
Do you "parent" the friends you have in your social circle?
possible???? yep
vise ???? Nope
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Yes...esp as they grow and mature.....begin to understand that you ain't so stupid after all
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wikked: Is it possible to be a parent AND a friend to your child/children?
Does being their "friend" hinder the decisions you would make as a parent?
Do you "parent" the friends you have in your social circle?
Does being their "friend" hinder the decisions you would make as a parent?
Do you "parent" the friends you have in your social circle?
HELL NO..!!!
One's "job/duty as a parent is to raise that child
in a manner that will prove invaluable for the said child
to succeed in life, survive in the world, become a respected
and contributing member of society,
and go on to raise similar children of their own..
You want "friends"..?/
go to a date site...
YOU got or want kids...??
DO YOUR JOB..!!
---SoldierByte---
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SoldierByte: HELL NO..!!!
One's "job/duty as a parent is to raise that child
in a manner that will prove invaluable for the said child
to succeed in life, survive in the world, become a respected
and contributing member of society,
and go on to raise similar children of their own..
You want "friends"..?/
go to a date site...
YOU got or want kids...??
DO YOUR JOB..!!
---SoldierByte---
One's "job/duty as a parent is to raise that child
in a manner that will prove invaluable for the said child
to succeed in life, survive in the world, become a respected
and contributing member of society,
and go on to raise similar children of their own..
You want "friends"..?/
go to a date site...
YOU got or want kids...??
DO YOUR JOB..!!
---SoldierByte---
I agree.Also, in the business world you don't see supervisors being friends with the people they supervise. THIS DOES NOT WORK!!!
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err i agree with your point that you have to raise a child to be strong and independent.
But as a single parent I have raised my children to rely on me as a friend if they ever have problems and need to talk things out ( in other words i allow them to feel comfortable in being open with me )
I can guaranty all my kids know how to cook a meal, iron clothes , load the washing machine and take out the trash , saying this none of them help me do the house work because the elder two are at work and uni and have no time for such things, plus i insist that school comes first not the dishes ( they only clean there rooms ) but they know if mum is ill or in hospital or overseas they have learnt to cope in such situations..
More so my teenagers ( two eldest ) often travel with me not because i insist they do its because they wish to ( they pay for there own fare as well ! )
Also if i have a lunch date with friends often or not one of my teens would want to come .. unlike most which are ashamed of there parents and wouldn't be seen dead with them!
So yes i do agree there can be a parenting bond and a friendship bond ! but there are limitations on how much a friend u can be to a child.
But as a single parent I have raised my children to rely on me as a friend if they ever have problems and need to talk things out ( in other words i allow them to feel comfortable in being open with me )
I can guaranty all my kids know how to cook a meal, iron clothes , load the washing machine and take out the trash , saying this none of them help me do the house work because the elder two are at work and uni and have no time for such things, plus i insist that school comes first not the dishes ( they only clean there rooms ) but they know if mum is ill or in hospital or overseas they have learnt to cope in such situations..
More so my teenagers ( two eldest ) often travel with me not because i insist they do its because they wish to ( they pay for there own fare as well ! )
Also if i have a lunch date with friends often or not one of my teens would want to come .. unlike most which are ashamed of there parents and wouldn't be seen dead with them!
So yes i do agree there can be a parenting bond and a friendship bond ! but there are limitations on how much a friend u can be to a child.
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missha72: err i agree with your point that you have to raise a child to be strong and independent.
But as a single parent I have raised my children to rely on me as a friend if they ever have problems and need to talk things out ( in other words i allow them to feel comfortable in being open with me )
I can guaranty all my kids know how to cook a meal, iron clothes , load the washing machine and take out the trash , saying this none of them help me do the house work because the elder two are at work and uni and have no time for such things, plus i insist that school comes first not the dishes ( they only clean there rooms ) but they know if mum is ill or in hospital or overseas they have learnt to cope in such situations..
More so my teenagers ( two eldest ) often travel with me not because i insist they do its because they wish to ( they pay for there own fare as well ! )
Also if i have a lunch date with friends often or not one of my teens would want to come .. unlike most which are ashamed of there parents and wouldn't be seen dead with them!
So yes i do agree there can be a parenting bond and a friendship bond ! but there are limitations on how much a friend u can be to a child.
But as a single parent I have raised my children to rely on me as a friend if they ever have problems and need to talk things out ( in other words i allow them to feel comfortable in being open with me )
I can guaranty all my kids know how to cook a meal, iron clothes , load the washing machine and take out the trash , saying this none of them help me do the house work because the elder two are at work and uni and have no time for such things, plus i insist that school comes first not the dishes ( they only clean there rooms ) but they know if mum is ill or in hospital or overseas they have learnt to cope in such situations..
More so my teenagers ( two eldest ) often travel with me not because i insist they do its because they wish to ( they pay for there own fare as well ! )
Also if i have a lunch date with friends often or not one of my teens would want to come .. unlike most which are ashamed of there parents and wouldn't be seen dead with them!
So yes i do agree there can be a parenting bond and a friendship bond ! but there are limitations on how much a friend u can be to a child.
Cripes...
I did the EXACT oppisite..
( taught them to rely on NO one,
or nothing but themselves)
I'll contact my youngest daughter( deputy with law enforcement)
and my oldest girl (pediatrician)
my second youngest (corporate manager)
and my second oldest (lawyer - corporate law)
And I will immediately apologize for
my failure as a parent, citizen,
and member of society..
---SoldierByte---
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You are being their best friend, IF you are being a good parent, in a parental role, not otherwise.
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With my girls its become a blend of respect for me as a parent, as well as an open friendship. Mind you I was very young when I had my chickadees and we sort of grew up together. I learned as much from them as they ever did from me. Im blessed now that they have grown into wonderful young women with good hearts and thier heads on straight. 
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SoldierByte: Cripes...
I did the EXACT oppisite..
( taught them to rely on NO one,
or nothing but themselves)
I'll contact my youngest daughter( deputy with law enforcement)
and my oldest girl (pediatrician)
my second youngest (corporate manager)
and my second oldest (lawyer - corporate law)
And I will immediately apologize for
my failure as a parent, citizen,
and member of society..
---SoldierByte---
I did the EXACT oppisite..
( taught them to rely on NO one,
or nothing but themselves)
I'll contact my youngest daughter( deputy with law enforcement)
and my oldest girl (pediatrician)
my second youngest (corporate manager)
and my second oldest (lawyer - corporate law)
And I will immediately apologize for
my failure as a parent, citizen,
and member of society..
---SoldierByte---
Regarding your post. i merely said u can be a great parent and a good friend , the mixture of two can work.
But as a single parent I have raised my children to rely on me as a friend if they ever have problems and need to talk things out ( in other words i allow them to feel comfortable in being open with me )
My children are still young 13 18 19 and they live at home !
Plus you have to remember one thing as well soldierbyte not all kids have great fathers and maybe you were very close with yours and there for them ! other kids arent so lucky !
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missha72: Regarding your post. i merely said u can be a great parent and a good friend , the mixture of two can work.But as a single parent I have raised my children to rely on me as a friend if they ever have problems and need to talk things out ( in other words i allow them to feel comfortable in being open with me )
My children are still young 13 18 19 and they live at home !
Plus you have to remember one thing as well soldierbyte not all kids have great fathers and maybe you were very close with yours and there for them ! other kids arent so lucky !
My children are still young 13 18 19 and they live at home !
Plus you have to remember one thing as well soldierbyte not all kids have great fathers and maybe you were very close with yours and there for them ! other kids arent so lucky !
You are a good womn and mother..
I make no judgements..
enough have made on I for my
profession and career..
we are but comparing notes, and just
busy-bodying with each other..
---SoldierByte--------- This thread is Archived ------
missha72: Regarding your post. i merely said u can be a great parent and a good friend , the mixture of two can work.But as a single parent I have raised my children to rely on me as a friend if they ever have problems and need to talk things out ( in other words i allow them to feel comfortable in being open with me )
My children are still young 13 18 19 and they live at home !
Plus you have to remember one thing as well soldierbyte not all kids have great fathers and maybe you were very close with yours and there for them ! other kids arent so lucky !
My children are still young 13 18 19 and they live at home !
Plus you have to remember one thing as well soldierbyte not all kids have great fathers and maybe you were very close with yours and there for them ! other kids arent so lucky !
------ This thread is Archived ------
missha72: Regarding your post. i merely said u can be a great parent and a good friend , the mixture of two can work.But as a single parent I have raised my children to rely on me as a friend if they ever have problems and need to talk things out ( in other words i allow them to feel comfortable in being open with me )
My children are still young 13 18 19 and they live at home !
Plus you have to remember one thing as well soldierbyte not all kids have great fathers and maybe you were very close with yours and there for them ! other kids arent so lucky !
My children are still young 13 18 19 and they live at home !
Plus you have to remember one thing as well soldierbyte not all kids have great fathers and maybe you were very close with yours and there for them ! other kids arent so lucky !
Well said
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Children growing up need to feel that they can count on their parents to be parents. A parents job is to provide a safe environment for their children. The safe environment is a continual haven where a child knows what to expect and thrives in its presence. The child knows that the parent will be the authority therefore they will know the boundaries of their own behaviour and act accordingly. And obviously they will push the boundaries and expect the parent to enforce the laws. This is when a child lies, even when it is blatant. This is a funny time. They can be so cute. During the teenage years a parent is considered mean, cruel and stupid. This is when the parent is almost invisible. All one can do is to continually set a good example and be there to give advice and a shoulder. When the child becomes an adult then and only can the parent become a friend. A parent can give advice as a friend and hope all that one has done in the past has rubbed off on your adult child.
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Does being their "friend" hinder the decisions you would make as a parent?
Do you "parent" the friends you have in your social circle?