When Do You Stop? (33)
Hiya.I dont.
That is one of the many reasons i choose to be single and i wouldnt wish to introduce someone to my children who may not hang around.They have been through enough downs in life than to have someone else enter their lives and leave.
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While my daughter was growing up,i tried to keep my family life separate from my social life.Their was one man i dated off and on for about 10 years.He had a son my daughters age,over the years my daughter came to know about him,as his son knew about me.If my daughter needed some thing and couldn't find me she would go see him,if his son needed some thing couldn't fine his dad he would drop by my house and get money.we all got along fine,but my friend never spent the night at my house,except one time when he showed up drunk, i put him in the spare bedroom to sleep it off.But over time my friend and i drifted a part due to this arrangement.We became just friends, nothing more.To be truthful about it,i believe if we all had lived together it wouldn't have lasted 10 years.
i put him in the spare bedroom to sleep it off.But over time my friend and i drifted a part due to this arrangement.We became just friends, nothing more.To be truthful about it,i believe if we all had lived together it wouldn't have lasted 10 years.------ This thread is Archived ------
wikked: What guidelines do you use to introduce your new partner to your child/children...
and secondly...
If it does not work out, how many "partners" do you introduce them to before you stop?...or do you stop trying?
and secondly...
If it does not work out, how many "partners" do you introduce them to before you stop?...or do you stop trying?
If I had children I wouldn't intorduce them to anyone I wasn't planning on marrying if they were under 13 yrs. old. If the children are 13 or older, I'd be honest with them about the firstdate and wait until THEY get curious about who is making youso happy and want to meet your partner. In general, a child over 5 yrs will not accept another person as a replacement for their birth parent. If the parent is totally abscent from the childs life then the child may want and desire a replacement even if they are older than 5 yrs. However, this can't be done immediately. I have always told girlfriends children they don't need me as a father because they already have one. I rather be their friend and expect to be treated the same as I am treated by any of my friends. Since I am older then them I will be happy to help them in whatever they need, play catch, help with homework, talking to mom about something they find difficult to talk to her about, ect. In the end I tell them their mom gets the final say and I, like them, have to listen to her. This takes away the fear that a stranger is going to run their lives and tell them what to do. This always worked for me.
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wikked: What guidelines do you use to introduce your new partner to your child/children...
and secondly...
If it does not work out, how many "partners" do you introduce them to before you stop?...or do you stop trying?
and secondly...
If it does not work out, how many "partners" do you introduce them to before you stop?...or do you stop trying?
When it comes to meeting my children, that's something I best leave to my gut instincts.
I've only introduced my girls to two people in the past 10 years and both have been a man I was engaged too.
I think it is up to the person individually as to how much is too much, etc. But, I also believe it is a decision to make with much thought and a person needs to be extremely careful because children form attachments quickly and people being in and out of their lives like a revolving door is not a good thing either.
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lilmamma71: When it comes to meeting my children, that's something I best leave to my gut instincts.
I've only introduced my girls to two people in the past 10 years and both have been a man I was engaged too.
I think it is up to the person individually as to how much is too much, etc. But, I also believe it is a decision to make with much thought and a person needs to be extremely careful because children form attachments quickly and people being in and out of their lives like a revolving door is not a good thing either.
I've only introduced my girls to two people in the past 10 years and both have been a man I was engaged too.
I think it is up to the person individually as to how much is too much, etc. But, I also believe it is a decision to make with much thought and a person needs to be extremely careful because children form attachments quickly and people being in and out of their lives like a revolving door is not a good thing either.
------ This thread is Archived ------
wikked: What guidelines do you use to introduce your new partner to your child/children...
and secondly...
If it does not work out, how many "partners" do you introduce them to before you stop?...or do you stop trying?
I have never introduced any. I have been seeing one for ten years. They do not approve. Life is very hard. Maybe if they grow ( ha ha) move out. I will be with this man maybe not. I wish so much everyone could be happy especially me. I want a great man who wants to marry me or live with me and be tall dark and handsome and know how to do the damn thingand secondly...
If it does not work out, how many "partners" do you introduce them to before you stop?...or do you stop trying?
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heatherhuntsman: I have never introduced any. I have been seeing one for ten years. They do not approve. Life is very hard. Maybe if they grow ( ha ha) move out. I will be with this man maybe not. I wish so much everyone could be happy especially me. I want a great man who wants to marry me or live with me and be tall dark and handsome and know how to do the damn thing
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Amity: Hiya.
I dont. That is one of the many reasons i choose to be single and i wouldnt wish to introduce someone to my children who may not hang around.
They have been through enough downs in life than to have someone else enter their lives and leave.
I dont. That is one of the many reasons i choose to be single and i wouldnt wish to introduce someone to my children who may not hang around.
They have been through enough downs in life than to have someone else enter their lives and leave.
But you have a secret love, don't ya
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Never. Raised my daughters on my own. Didn't want some man other than their father being a disciplinar. So really can't help you out other than I guess one had better be serious about their partner that is, marriage in mind.
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heatherhuntsman: I have never introduced any. I have been seeing one for ten years. They do not approve. Life is very hard. Maybe if they grow ( ha ha) move out. I will be with this man maybe not. I wish so much everyone could be happy especially me. I want a great man who wants to marry me or live with me and be tall dark and handsome and know how to do the damn thing
why are you here then?
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my last child is 12 years behind the others
a bit of a surprise that came after i had learned some stuff by trial and error
with her she was 4 before she met anyone
we ended up living together for 4 years
then that ended...a few dates but nothing got off the ground
then a dear friend whom she had known all her life proposed- and i said yes- and he died soon after 
after that- no dating to speak of or introductions for almost 7 years. i just felt it was best
i feared what she might get out of the revolving door scene
or that she would ever come to believe there was something unloveable about her- you know how kids process that sort of 'loss'
turns out she is smarter and more emotionally healthy/makes better choices than perhaps i EVER will.
not sure why but really relieved its worked out that way
a bit of a surprise that came after i had learned some stuff by trial and error
with her she was 4 before she met anyone
we ended up living together for 4 years
then that ended...a few dates but nothing got off the ground
then a dear friend whom she had known all her life proposed- and i said yes- and he died soon after
after that- no dating to speak of or introductions for almost 7 years. i just felt it was best
i feared what she might get out of the revolving door scene
or that she would ever come to believe there was something unloveable about her- you know how kids process that sort of 'loss'
turns out she is smarter and more emotionally healthy/makes better choices than perhaps i EVER will.
not sure why but really relieved its worked out that way
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meltonera: But you have a secret love, don't ya
Do i??
Please do tell.....think im missing something?
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Amity: Do i??
Please do tell.....think im missing something?
do you?Please do tell.....think im missing something?
tell me tell meeeeeeee
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mindfful: do you?
tell me tell meeeeeeee
tell me tell meeeeeeee
when i find out who it is i will
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something to look fwd to
this is what i am needing
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wikked: What guidelines do you use to introduce your new partner to your child/children...
and secondly...
If it does not work out, how many "partners" do you introduce them to before you stop?...or do you stop trying?
and secondly...
If it does not work out, how many "partners" do you introduce them to before you stop?...or do you stop trying?
I say meet your new daddy.........
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magsx: I say meet your new daddy.........
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wikked: What guidelines do you use to introduce your new partner to your child/children...
and secondly...
If it does not work out, how many "partners" do you introduce them to before you stop?...or do you stop trying?
and secondly...
If it does not work out, how many "partners" do you introduce them to before you stop?...or do you stop trying?
Time and trust. My kids will never meet a new partner of mine until at least after 2-3 months. Also, I have to feel that the relationship is going in the direction of long term---and that I am deeply in love.
If it doesn't work out, life goes on. We can't assume how our kids will think---they're smarter and more understanding than we realize. It's our reactions after break ups in front of them is what plays a huge role in all of this, so even if there are "many partners", that doesn't automatically mean it's such a bad thing if the relationships were not destructive and that the kids were treated with respect by the partners of their mom or dad.
On the other hand, there is an ugly side to this if mom or dad introduces you to a new partner every other month---and if the new partner did not care about the kids in any way---as well as if the kids witnessed ongoing fights.
Lot of variables involved here, and wise discretion should always be used in an unselfish manner. This topic has many complexities to it since answers will vary from individual to individual due to belief systems. All I know is, the kids factor into the decision, so be wise and patient with who you introduce your kids to as far as new intimate partners go.
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I've been single for 10 years, and in that time my child has met 2 people that I've been dating. Both of these where relationships that lasted over 12 months and I'd been in for around 7-8 months before the introduction.
Do I regret the introductions? Yes very much so, when the relationships broke down my child was very upset as attachments had started to form.
I think that I will continue to do what I do, no one meets my child until Im sure that I am in a long term lasting relationship.
Do I regret the introductions? Yes very much so, when the relationships broke down my child was very upset as attachments had started to form.
I think that I will continue to do what I do, no one meets my child until Im sure that I am in a long term lasting relationship.
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Created: Dec 2010
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and secondly...
If it does not work out, how many "partners" do you introduce them to before you stop?...or do you stop trying?