I NEED to be loved! ( Archived) (18)

Why is it that women need a man to pay romantic attention to them all the time?

I think it's pretty obvious that most men don't require this.

What is it with women that they need to be fussed over all the time? They need to feel that someone is paying attention to them. They get all bent out of shape if they start to feel like they are being "neglected" in the romance department.

The reason I'm asking is because I just talked with a woman on another forum site. She is married and is flirting with all the guys on the internet. She says her husband pretty much ignores her from a romantic point of view. Although, she readily admits that he's a really nice guy and takes care of everything. He just isn't making her feel "romanced" so she seeks that out on the Internet. I'm guilty of writing a few romantic poems for her myself. I even made her a fancy animated graphic for her screen name. She thought that was super.

Anyway, I told her to go spark things up with her husband. In short, I told her to initiate the romance. But she won't hear of that. She wants HIM to woo HER.

And so it goes with most women. They need to be wooed constantly. Why is that? And why don't men need this?

Well I actually don't think its a need that women feel ALL the time .... but I do believe its important to receive attention and love on a consistant basis. Obviously he was doing this at the beginning of their relationship and over time he has probably stopped for reasons unknown.

I think its about keeping the sparks alive ... having fun, having dates, just like when you were first dating. Being silly, laughing together, chatting about anything and everything, holding hands, stolen kisses when no one is looking ..... its a combination of all things together that make a woman feel special to a man.

It would be easy to be roommates and I think that's what a lot of relationships become .... because they forget to have those special times together as well. Hopefully a relationship would have so much more depth and meaning - so I think its just a conscious effort to show this person that you care that makes it special.


Unfortunately I don't understand why she's placing the blame at his feet .... when it should be her telling him what she needs instead of going on a dating site and seeking out other men. Communication is a two-way street and she obviously isn't making an attempt to change or resolve this issue - so personally I'd probably be running the other way as it speaks volumes about how poor her communication skills are. More than likely to be a repeat pattern with a new partner as well.

Well, I agree with most everything you said Langleygirl.

Except I still think there is a huge difference between the needs of men and women in this areas.

You said,
" so I think its just a conscious effort to show this person that you care that makes it special."

I think women need this more than men do. Women tend to feel neglected or unloved if they aren't getting specific attention. Men basically have the attitude, "Well she's still here she must still like me".

Perhaps that's it right there. Maybe I just hit the nail on the head.

Men are just more logical. They figure that if the woman is still hanging around and isn't complaining too much she must care about them. That's all the logical proof they need to feel loved.

Women aren't so logically-minded, so they need some other method of validation I guess.

That's probably the difference right there. Men are satisfied by logic and women need to have their intuition satisfied in a more dynamic way.

Well I actually agree with you at least from my own personal point of view as opposed to Lori's ..... I can be logical, committed, but I also want to be romanticed and need that attention from a man.

I think it comes down to the way that we each interpurt being loved ..... so its about finding out how that person needs to know that they are loved.

There is a great book by Gary Chapman called the Five Love Languages wherein he discusses the way that people express and recieve love. He has broken it down into the following:

Quality Time
Words of Affirmation
Gifts
Acts of Service; and
Physical Touch.

So these are actually applicable to both men and women as we all require love to be expressed to us in one form or another. So its a matter of learning how your partner perceives love and in what fashion.


This woman that you were referring to earlier ..... sounds like she needs words of affirmation from her husband ..... because she seeks the attention of words of others to fulfill a need that she feels that itsn't being met in her relationship. I bet if her husband took the time and effort to start telling her that she was special to him and that he loved her .... her whole outlook on her marriage would start to change as she felt loved again.

Well, yes, it was a generalization. I never meant to imply that it was true of every women. I've met women who don't require this. And I've heard of men who do.

But I think it's a pretty common scenario. It's pretty common to hear women complaining about how their husbands do pay enough attention to them anymore. You seldom hear it the other way around, although I'm sure that occurs too.

Like I said in the OP, my post was sparked by a woman on another forum who was seeking attention from other men because her hubby was neglecting her at home. I just thought I'd run it by this forum to see the responses. By I think I already figured out the basic reason for it as I stated in my last post.

i wonder...if maybe she's not just an attention-hound...and it wouldn't matter what did or did not happen at home?

my last ex used to whine that i didn't go to bed with him...at seven at night...all he managed was to piss me off, lol.

Langleygirl wrote:
"I think it comes down to the way that we each interpurt being loved ..... so its about finding out how that person needs to know that they are loved"

Yes, but why is it even important to people to feel loved?

I don't think that's what I need from a partner at all really. I already feel loved living alone. Perhaps that's because I feel in touch with God and I feel loved in that way. I really don't need to feel loved by a human partner.

My main reason for wanting a partner is simply for companionship. Someone to share life with. I don't really need a partner to feel loved. Although I certainly wouldn't want a partner who doesn't like me either.

I mean, I want the freindship, and companionship and the sharing. But I really don't need a partner for the purpose of feeling loved. I already feel loved. That love must be coming from God I suppose since there's no one else here for it to be coming from. Except me of course. Perhaps I love myself. I dunno.

Abra, I do enjoy romance, but I don't crave it. If it happens,
without any prompting, then it was meant to be and go for it.
But if you let something such as saying you are not getting
enough romance, then there is something more serious going on.
Lack of communication is not a good thing in a relationship.
Nick and I have been together less than 2 weeks, he has proposed,
I have accepted and I am moving in. Some say that is way too fast.
Difficult to explain but I know I love him and he loves me and we
talk about everything. Yes we also have our cuddle up on the sofa,
hold hands and just look at each other and smile time. But it
is what we are both feeling at that moment.