How do you break a Red Flag Dating patern? ( Archived) (48)

I met a guy from here this past week. He seems like a really nice guy. Problem is he don't have a car. Then he expects to take a bus from MA to RI and stay the night with my mom and I the 1st time meeting him. I know I should just tell him it won't work out but, at the same time, I have it conditioned in me that I will never find anyone better. I have even started looking in other countries to see if I can try to break this cycle. I haven't even gotten one bite and I am on 3 different dating sites including this one! What would you do?

For a first date or meeting, don't let him know where you live until you feel comfortable with him.

He should make arrangements for a place to stay such as a motel/hotel

You can't really be totally comfortable with the requested arrangements can you? Its not what you really want so just say no. It will be tough but you need to make sure that you look out for number one which is you, not him. Good luck.

No No No He absolutely does not stay with you...do not even give him your address...He needs to make his own arrangement as to where he stays.

As for not finding someone..YES you will..be patient and it will happen. You are worth more than you think!

See, that's the thing! I know what I should and should not do...it's more of how to break old patterns. The old me, well....the younger one at least, would be all on board for this idea. Now I am getting red flags. I have grown up! Now it's a matter of pushing through the old barriers and going on with the new.

Go with the red flags. When they pop up, listen to them and you can't go wrong.

I agree with the others. He should make arrangements of his own in regards for somewhere to sleep. He can't expect you to put your Mum in danger. After all, you hardly know him. He could be one of America's most wanted for all you know.

Obviously, that's the worst case scenario, but you get my meaning?

Take a short break from looking for a partner, and use that time to build up your confidence. You can do better than what you have got, you just have to believe in it. Maybe join a class to mingle with others. Something where you will get a small confidence boost, as the smallest boost will grow as you get used to it.

There's no rush to get a partner is there? You may find that when you're not looking, that someone will come along and spoil it for you by asking you out.

Only you can break the pattern, so grasp it by the balls and shake it off. Sometimes the red flags won't appear until you have given it a bit of thought, as you can get 'caught up in the moment', but soon as you see them, back off.

Well trust yourself to do the right thing, which logically speaking is to meet this person in a public place where you feel comfortable, and do not invite them to stay at your house. You do not know them. Your safety is of upmost importance.