A not so great date (29)
RadioheadFan123Rochester, New York USA115 Threads 28 Polls 471 PostsSo I arranged and went on a date with this girl I met on a different dating site. It seemed things went alright. I was wrong though since I didn't hear back from her after that night. During the date we went to see a movie and then she drove me back home. Over the course of a few weeks I texted her 3 times and sent her a few e-mails on the dating site I met her on. I felt as if I made an effort to keep in contact with her. I finally heard back from her yesterday and she said she felt like we didn't have a lot in common and that she would be boring to talk to. She mentioned the difference in age and the fact that we have different career choices. I sent her a message telling her I felt the opposite way and thought we had quite a few things in common. We both like some of the same bands, similar interests in movies, and she's a musician (plays the drums) and I play guitar. Even if she and I didn't have as much in common we would have enough things in common to at least start a conversation. I also told her that we could introduce each other to things we didn't know existed like bands we never heard of. I told her if she just doesn't think a relationship can work out that I can respect that but I think that she and I could at least be friends. I value my friendship with her and I want to talk to her and get to know her better. Did I do the right thing or could I have done something different?
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If your interested in being friends with her...be that. But honest friends with no hidden agenda 
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She probably felt the way I have in the past. No chemistry for her and she saw that there was for U. Sighhhh Not a good thing for sure, but just the way it is sometimes....
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Sounds like she was trying to be kind....shes just not into you it seems...if the chemistry is not their,theirs nothing you can do but move on...trying to force her to like you will only make her run faster...
good luck on the next greet and meet.
good luck on the next greet and meet.
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a person convinced against their will is never convinced. 
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Well, you did do the right thing - provided she´s in the same debating club with you and you were exercising...
I´m very sorry, but it´s very clear that the lady isn´t interested, arguing against it will be futile and just annoy her.
I´m very sorry, but it´s very clear that the lady isn´t interested, arguing against it will be futile and just annoy her.
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demonfairy: ...DEEP....
another one of my many "thruthisms"
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Buffy327: Freddie, This may well be the first thing that U and I have agreed upon....I love this quote...and will give u the credit if I get to use it...Wow, wonders never cease....
...and we may not agree on that... another truthism.
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Buffy327: THAT"S TRUE, What was I thinkin?????
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I could see that quote working for a Dem, but not a republican....Boy, I am glad we got that straightened out, had me worried for brief moment.
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I received a reply from the e-mail I sent and yes it is true she didn't want to hurt me but from what she said she is busy with grad school and wouldn't have time for a romantic relationship. She agreed that we can be friends and hang out when her schedule permits her to do so.
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That's cool rheadfan... glad for you. Sometimes you just have to deal with "she's just not that much into you."
Best of luck
Best of luck
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wow long time no see radio
happy new year
glad to see you getting out there
new pics are good
gosh youre growin up
long time no see radiohappy new year
glad to see you getting out there
new pics are good
gosh youre growin up
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Just get yourself out and on it a bit more, chat more women up, meet more people, make different kinds of friends(real life friends).
I'd say the reason why you feel down has more to do with you than it does with her, look to the inner reasons why you are pining for a woman you've only met once and why you feel the need to analyse and justify your own behaviour towards her.
Afterall if she isn't interested in you then that's her loss - there's no better way of looking at it.
I'd say the reason why you feel down has more to do with you than it does with her, look to the inner reasons why you are pining for a woman you've only met once and why you feel the need to analyse and justify your own behaviour towards her.
Afterall if she isn't interested in you then that's her loss - there's no better way of looking at it.
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You let her know that your interested in knowing her, and your sure she know's that.Let it be, and if you never hear from her again respect that, don't pressure her.She might call one day out of the blue and you might say "I think I do remember you".Best of luck ,life goes on either way. 
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RadioheadFan123: I received a reply from the e-mail I sent and yes it is true she didn't want to hurt me but from what she said she is busy with grad school and wouldn't have time for a romantic relationship. She agreed that we can be friends and hang out when her schedule permits her to do so.
Tell her to call you when she has no Class.
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TrueBlue1986: [. . .]I'd say the reason why you feel down has more to do with you than it does with her, look to the inner reasons why you are pining for a woman you've only met once and why you feel the need to analyse and justify your own behaviour towards her.[. . .]
I'd say his desire to understand whether or not he did the right thing shows a good degree of emotional maturity. From his post, it didn't appear that he was "pining" or trying to justify anything, only to learn how he can improve himself if needed. He didn't seem to press the issue, just left the door open for friendship. The number of messages it took to get a reply from her seemed a bit much, though, and could be seen as "pining" instead of sincere interest. She should have replied to the first message with at least a short "sorry, can't talk right now" out of courtesy. Not responding at all is quite inconsiderate, even for a potential friend.
To the O.P., my advice would be to call or email one time after, but not immediately after the first date. If you write or call too soon, women tend to think you're too eager or needy. If there's not a reply within a few days after your first message, it's ok to send one more message just in case she's been too busy to reply or in case the first message was lost in the digital void. After that, it's time to shrug and move on. Don't let inconsiderate people waste your life.
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RadioheadFan123: So I arranged and went on a date with this girl I met on a different dating site. It seemed things went alright. I was wrong though since I didn't hear back from her after that night. During the date we went to see a movie and then she drove me back home. Over the course of a few weeks I texted her 3 times and sent her a few e-mails on the dating site I met her on. I felt as if I made an effort to keep in contact with her. I finally heard back from her yesterday and she said she felt like we didn't have a lot in common and that she would be boring to talk to. She mentioned the difference in age and the fact that we have different career choices. I sent her a message telling her I felt the opposite way and thought we had quite a few things in common. We both like some of the same bands, similar interests in movies, and she's a musician (plays the drums) and I play guitar. Even if she and I didn't have as much in common we would have enough things in common to at least start a conversation. I also told her that we could introduce each other to things we didn't know existed like bands we never heard of. I told her if she just doesn't think a relationship can work out that I can respect that but I think that she and I could at least be friends. I value my friendship with her and I want to talk to her and get to know her better. Did I do the right thing or could I have done something different?
I think what you did was fine. I cannot see why she wouldn't want to stay friends, but don't be surprised if you have to stay friends from a distance. If I were her, my concern would be that staying friends wuld just keep your hopes up that something more will come of it -like a future romantic relationship. So that would just be harder to deal with as time goes on and painfl for you, particularly if your younger, she might feel ethically responsible for not giving you false hopes. So she probably wants a clean break before anyone gets hurt.
It sounds like she is really concerned about your age difference, and honestly, her lack of response definitely indicates a lack of interest. I think you should respect that. There are a lot of guys who I have things in common wiht - doesn;t mean that I want to date all of them though
Talk to her about remainig friends & see what she says
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thelastgoodman0: I'd say his desire to understand whether or not he did the right thing shows a good degree of emotional maturity. From his post, it didn't appear that he was "pining" or trying to justify anything, only to learn how he can improve himself if needed. He didn't seem to press the issue, just left the door open for friendship. The number of messages it took to get a reply from her seemed a bit much, though, and could be seen as "pining" instead of sincere interest. She should have replied to the first message with at least a short "sorry, can't talk right now" out of courtesy. Not responding at all is quite inconsiderate, even for a potential friend.
To the O.P., my advice would be to call or email one time after, but not immediately after the first date. If you write or call too soon, women tend to think you're too eager or needy. If there's not a reply within a few days after your first message, it's ok to send one more message just in case she's been too busy to reply or in case the first message was lost in the digital void. After that, it's time to shrug and move on. Don't let inconsiderate people waste your life.
To the O.P., my advice would be to call or email one time after, but not immediately after the first date. If you write or call too soon, women tend to think you're too eager or needy. If there's not a reply within a few days after your first message, it's ok to send one more message just in case she's been too busy to reply or in case the first message was lost in the digital void. After that, it's time to shrug and move on. Don't let inconsiderate people waste your life.
All I can say is it's a fine line between being sensitive and being insecure.. the fact that many attempts have been made to contact her, coupled with the thread itself suggests this girl matters quite alot to the guy, perhaps more so than she should do. To me this looks like insecurity more than it does sensitivity and in honesty I wouldn't be surprised if the girl got this impression from him too.
You're right though in an ideal world it would be better if she would of just been forthcoming with him in the first place, but many people don't say what they truly think especially if it may hurt feelings - so I wouldn't hold it against her.
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thelastgoodman0: I'd say his desire to understand whether or not he did the right thing shows a good degree of emotional maturity. From his post, it didn't appear that he was "pining" or trying to justify anything, only to learn how he can improve himself if needed. He didn't seem to press the issue, just left the door open for friendship. The number of messages it took to get a reply from her seemed a bit much, though, and could be seen as "pining" instead of sincere interest. She should have replied to the first message with at least a short "sorry, can't talk right now" out of courtesy. Not responding at all is quite inconsiderate, even for a potential friend.
To the O.P., my advice would be to call or email one time after, but not immediately after the first date. If you write or call too soon, women tend to think you're too eager or needy. If there's not a reply within a few days after your first message, it's ok to send one more message just in case she's been too busy to reply or in case the first message was lost in the digital void. After that, it's time to shrug and move on. Don't let inconsiderate people waste your life.
To the O.P., my advice would be to call or email one time after, but not immediately after the first date. If you write or call too soon, women tend to think you're too eager or needy. If there's not a reply within a few days after your first message, it's ok to send one more message just in case she's been too busy to reply or in case the first message was lost in the digital void. After that, it's time to shrug and move on. Don't let inconsiderate people waste your life.
agreed - she could have been more considerate, and the OP hasn't asked anything out of the ordinary, but he is being given the brush offmy expereince with these things is to just Chill OP - remain friends as she's indicated. If something is meant to happen , it will - and you sound like a GREAT guy, so some other lucky gal might just snap you up before chick#1 even realized what she's missed
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Created: Jan 2011
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