How can a woman find out what a man is looking for? (25)
Hi Emma 
To be honest it could put the guy off. I think if you & i were to meet for a drink & you said to me something like " exactly what are you looking for from a relationship " i would feel real pressure. From a male point of view i think you have to leave it 2 or 3 dates & maybe then you would know if it was going to work out long term. Also until 2 people actually meet face to face you really do not know how you will get along. Lets face it most people do not jump into bed with one another after just one or two dates so my advice would be to see how it goes on the first few dates,
Darren
To be honest it could put the guy off. I think if you & i were to meet for a drink & you said to me something like " exactly what are you looking for from a relationship " i would feel real pressure. From a male point of view i think you have to leave it 2 or 3 dates & maybe then you would know if it was going to work out long term. Also until 2 people actually meet face to face you really do not know how you will get along. Lets face it most people do not jump into bed with one another after just one or two dates so my advice would be to see how it goes on the first few dates,
Darren
Personally, I wouldn't just agree to go on a first date,(you may be a total bawheed) without some emails, calls etc first. So hopefully we would have gotten a bit of a feel for what each of is looking for!!
Hi Darren,
Thanks so much for your reply. It's really useful to hear it from a man!
I had a feeling it might put guys off if I asked something like that on a first date.
Thing is I don't really want to go on three dates with a man who may just want something casual.
My girlfriends say:
"If a man wants to get into a relationship, he won't mind you asking what he's looking for on a first date. He'll just say: "I'm looking to get into a relationship" because that's the truth"
But that's my girlfriends. You're a man and clearly know men
more than they do!
I'd sooner take your advice!
So what if I went on 2-3 dates with a man and then brought it up?
Also, how would you recommend I do it?
You can probably empathize with me - I don't want to get more and more involved with a guy who may just want something casual.
Suppose I go on 2-3 nice dates with a guy, but still don't know if only wants something casual.
What should I say on date 3 to find out?
Thanks again Darren!
Best
Emma
P.S. That's a very nice pic of you!
Thanks so much for your reply. It's really useful to hear it from a man!
I had a feeling it might put guys off if I asked something like that on a first date.
Thing is I don't really want to go on three dates with a man who may just want something casual.
My girlfriends say:
"If a man wants to get into a relationship, he won't mind you asking what he's looking for on a first date. He'll just say: "I'm looking to get into a relationship" because that's the truth"
But that's my girlfriends. You're a man and clearly know men
more than they do!
I'd sooner take your advice!
So what if I went on 2-3 dates with a man and then brought it up?
Also, how would you recommend I do it?
You can probably empathize with me - I don't want to get more and more involved with a guy who may just want something casual.
Suppose I go on 2-3 nice dates with a guy, but still don't know if only wants something casual.
What should I say on date 3 to find out?
Thanks again Darren!
Best
Emma
P.S. That's a very nice pic of you!
Hi Estate,
Thanks for your reply. I really appreciate it.
That's what I'd do online yes - some emails at least, and then maybe I'd ask: "So what are you looking for?"
Also, I can see in a man's profile if he says he's looking for "long-term" or "casual" or whatever.
But what if I meet a guy in "real life" and he asks me out?
I don't want to get involved with a guy who only wants something casual.
What would you recommend I say/ask (and when) so as not to put him off?
Thanks again!
Emma
Thanks for your reply. I really appreciate it.
That's what I'd do online yes - some emails at least, and then maybe I'd ask: "So what are you looking for?"
Also, I can see in a man's profile if he says he's looking for "long-term" or "casual" or whatever.
But what if I meet a guy in "real life" and he asks me out?
I don't want to get involved with a guy who only wants something casual.
What would you recommend I say/ask (and when) so as not to put him off?
Thanks again!
Emma
Hi Livelife 36
Ive just wread your thread and maybe put a bit of an input in ...
Iff you think im out of order just tell me to sod off ,,no offense taken ,,we all have different views ..
I think i know what im looking for ,,going on my own past personal experiance {s}
Ive just looked at your profile as well ...
Here goes ,,
You shouldnt be asking a potential partner what they want ,,,{words are words are words }
The most important person is you ,,,you should be asking yourself "what do you want "
ie your profile ,, your 26 , you have a long life ahead of you ..
Pick someone that enhanses your well being .
It shouldnt be to long to discover that yourself in a relationship ..
Never think that a Leapard changes its spots iether ,cause it doesnt ....
Ramble ramble ramble
Hope ive made some sense here and there
Ive just wread your thread and maybe put a bit of an input in ...
Iff you think im out of order just tell me to sod off ,,no offense taken ,,we all have different views ..
I think i know what im looking for ,,going on my own past personal experiance {s}
Ive just looked at your profile as well ...
Here goes ,,
You shouldnt be asking a potential partner what they want ,,,{words are words are words }
The most important person is you ,,,you should be asking yourself "what do you want "
ie your profile ,, your 26 , you have a long life ahead of you ..
Pick someone that enhanses your well being .
It shouldnt be to long to discover that yourself in a relationship ..
Never think that a Leapard changes its spots iether ,cause it doesnt ....
Ramble ramble ramble
Hope ive made some sense here and there
Livelife36: Hi guys,
I have a question for the men, especially the men who are looking to get into a relationship
I'm a woman in her thirties and I'm looking to get into a long-term relationship. I'm not interested in anything casual.
And I was just wondering what's the best way to find out what a man wants if you meet him offline.
If you're a commitment-minded man, how would you feel if a woman asked you on a first date:
"So, what are you looking for?"
My reasoning was: If I ask this, the guy can say:
(A) "Just something casual"
or
(B) "I'd like to get into a relationship"
And then we both know where we stand after just one date.
Otherwise I could be dating a man who just wants something casual, not knowing that.
And we could be on different wavelengths,
So for all the men who want relationships, what do you think of my strategy of asking: "So, What are you looking for?" on an early date?
Pros? Cons?
Emma
I wouldn't even bother asking them, they'll probably tell you a pack of lies anyway I have a question for the men, especially the men who are looking to get into a relationship
I'm a woman in her thirties and I'm looking to get into a long-term relationship. I'm not interested in anything casual.
And I was just wondering what's the best way to find out what a man wants if you meet him offline.
If you're a commitment-minded man, how would you feel if a woman asked you on a first date:
"So, what are you looking for?"
My reasoning was: If I ask this, the guy can say:
(A) "Just something casual"
or
(B) "I'd like to get into a relationship"
And then we both know where we stand after just one date.
Otherwise I could be dating a man who just wants something casual, not knowing that.
And we could be on different wavelengths,
So for all the men who want relationships, what do you think of my strategy of asking: "So, What are you looking for?" on an early date?
Pros? Cons?
Emma
Livelife36: Hi Darren,
Thanks so much for your reply. It's really useful to hear it from a man!
I had a feeling it might put guys off if I asked something like that on a first date.
Thing is I don't really want to go on three dates with a man who may just want something casual.
My girlfriends say:
"If a man wants to get into a relationship, he won't mind you asking what he's looking for on a first date. He'll just say: "I'm looking to get into a relationship" because that's the truth"
But that's my girlfriends. You're a man and clearly know men
more than they do!
I'd sooner take your advice!
So what if I went on 2-3 dates with a man and then brought it up?
Also, how would you recommend I do it?
You can probably empathize with me - I don't want to get more and more involved with a guy who may just want something casual.
Suppose I go on 2-3 nice dates with a guy, but still don't know if only wants something casual.
What should I say on date 3 to find out?
Thanks again Darren!
Best
Emma
P.S. That's a very nice pic of you!
Thanks so much for your reply. It's really useful to hear it from a man!
I had a feeling it might put guys off if I asked something like that on a first date.
Thing is I don't really want to go on three dates with a man who may just want something casual.
My girlfriends say:
"If a man wants to get into a relationship, he won't mind you asking what he's looking for on a first date. He'll just say: "I'm looking to get into a relationship" because that's the truth"
But that's my girlfriends. You're a man and clearly know men
more than they do!
I'd sooner take your advice!
So what if I went on 2-3 dates with a man and then brought it up?
Also, how would you recommend I do it?
You can probably empathize with me - I don't want to get more and more involved with a guy who may just want something casual.
Suppose I go on 2-3 nice dates with a guy, but still don't know if only wants something casual.
What should I say on date 3 to find out?
Thanks again Darren!
Best
Emma
P.S. That's a very nice pic of you!
Morning
OK if you have had say 3 dates you should know by then wether you are really into this person or not & hopefully he will also know his feelings. Obviously everybody is different but chances are you will have had some kind of conversation regarding lifestyle / living arrangements / children etc & you will have got an idea already about what the other person is looking for in a relationship without actually coming out with "what are you looking for from a relationship".
Really i am no expert but if i really like someone ( & i don't mean just want to jump into bed with them ) i am likely to hold open the car door , possibly buy the lady flowers or chocolates or little things like that to show i really like her. Unfortunately all men are different Emma so cannot be certain how your potential date will work. It's just my feelings but if you take things really slow & your date still treats you with the kind of respect i have mentioned above it's unlikely he will be after a casual fling .
As for what should you say on date 3 - that's a really tough question Emma but something like " how do you really feel about me? " or do you think you & i could make it work long term ? " sounds ok.
Thanks for the compliment
Have a great day x
Hi Darren,
Thanks again for your message. It makes a lot of sense!
I want to find out what a man wants as soon as I can, but I don't want to scare him off.
I think I can probably wait till date 3, though, lol!
I like your idea that I should look out for how he talks and behaves towards me. If he does those nice things, then he probably doesn't want just a casual fling. I'll look out for that in future!
I can see how "So what are you looking for?" might be too blunt on a first date. Thanks for helping me realize that.
I'll bide my time and then maybe bring it up on 3rd date or so.
Have a great day!
Emma
Thanks again for your message. It makes a lot of sense!
I want to find out what a man wants as soon as I can, but I don't want to scare him off.
I think I can probably wait till date 3, though, lol!
I like your idea that I should look out for how he talks and behaves towards me. If he does those nice things, then he probably doesn't want just a casual fling. I'll look out for that in future!
I can see how "So what are you looking for?" might be too blunt on a first date. Thanks for helping me realize that.
I'll bide my time and then maybe bring it up on 3rd date or so.
Have a great day!
Emma
Hi jonnt,
Thanks for your reply.
The thing is - I know what I want - a committed relationship. I know that takes time to get into, but that's where I want to be.
And I'd like to find out asap from a man whether he wants the same thing.
I'd be happy to say on a first date: "I'm looking to get into a relationship,"
but I'm worried that might scare some guys off (who might have wanted a relationship at some stage)
Thanks for your message!
Emma
Thanks for your reply.
The thing is - I know what I want - a committed relationship. I know that takes time to get into, but that's where I want to be.
And I'd like to find out asap from a man whether he wants the same thing.
I'd be happy to say on a first date: "I'm looking to get into a relationship,"
but I'm worried that might scare some guys off (who might have wanted a relationship at some stage)
Thanks for your message!
Emma
In response to: Hi guys,
I have a question for the men, especially the men who are looking to get into a relationship
I'm a woman in her thirties and I'm looking to get into a long-term relationship. I'm not interested in anything casual.
Emma
I have a question for the men, especially the men who are looking to get into a relationship
I'm a woman in her thirties and I'm looking to get into a long-term relationship. I'm not interested in anything casual.
Emma
Your age on your profile say's you are 26...........
Basically if he is looking for something casual and hasnt tested the strength of you knicker elastic by the 2 date, he goes back on the prowl. If on the other hand he is still around on the 5th date then he wouldnt be blown out of his socks if you asked him. But then if this was the case then you would already sense it.
Phoenix: Your age on your profile say's you are 26...........
Are you complaining P
gussi: Are you complaining P
hello motto im always looking for 2 test match ticketsHi Chris,
Thanks for your comment.
I guess my thinking was it might put off some men (maybe those who would like to "see how things go")
May I ask if you're looking for a relationship (and, if so, how you would respond to the question?)
Emma
Thanks for your comment.
I guess my thinking was it might put off some men (maybe those who would like to "see how things go")
May I ask if you're looking for a relationship (and, if so, how you would respond to the question?)
Emma
Livelife36: Hi Chris,
Thanks for your comment.
I guess my thinking was it might put off some men (maybe those who would like to "see how things go")
May I ask if you're looking for a relationship (and, if so, how you would respond to the question?)
Emma
Thanks for your comment.
I guess my thinking was it might put off some men (maybe those who would like to "see how things go")
May I ask if you're looking for a relationship (and, if so, how you would respond to the question?)
Emma
I don't think it would put someone off, as it requires a 2 sided answer, you will either find out of if they are looking for a relationship, or fun, it's not like a yes or no answer. I would hope that if a guy "wants to see how things go," then he will tell you that. It also depends on what you want out of it, emotions don't have common sense
I would like to say that I am looking for a relationship, however, I have just come out of a long term one so it also depends on the person I meet, I guess.
Cheers
Chris
Hi Chris,
Thanks again for your comments.
Interesting that you don't think it would put someone off.
May I ask how you'd respond if a woman asked you?
I.e. If you were on a first date with a woman, who seemed pretty cool, and she then asked you:
"So, what are you looking for?"
How would you feel? And what would you say?
I ask because other guys (in this post for example) say they would be a bit put off if I asked this on a first date...
Thanks again Chris
Emma
Thanks again for your comments.
Interesting that you don't think it would put someone off.
May I ask how you'd respond if a woman asked you?
I.e. If you were on a first date with a woman, who seemed pretty cool, and she then asked you:
"So, what are you looking for?"
How would you feel? And what would you say?
I ask because other guys (in this post for example) say they would be a bit put off if I asked this on a first date...
Thanks again Chris
Emma
Hi Darren,
Sorry to trouble you again - I've been thinking about this for a while and just wanted to check something, if I may.
It seems like guys can be in different mindsets:
Some guys seem to be quite relationship-minded and interested in getting into an LTR.
Other guys seem to be less set on it, but still opento getting into one, if the right woman comes along
I guess my thought was - if a man is (actively) looking to get into a relationship, then he won't mind me asking "What are you looking for?" In fact, he may even ask ME, to see if I too want to get into a relationship.
My other thought was - if a man isn't actively looking to get into an LTR, if he's in the "open to getting into one" category, maybe THEN he gets put off because he isn't quite as clear in his intention as the woman is
I was just wondering if I could ask you:
Would you describe yourself as
(A) Actively looking to get into a relationship
or
(B) Wanting to see how things go whilst being open to getting into a relationship if the right woman comes along
Thanks again for your help!
Emma
Sorry to trouble you again - I've been thinking about this for a while and just wanted to check something, if I may.
It seems like guys can be in different mindsets:
Some guys seem to be quite relationship-minded and interested in getting into an LTR.
Other guys seem to be less set on it, but still opento getting into one, if the right woman comes along
I guess my thought was - if a man is (actively) looking to get into a relationship, then he won't mind me asking "What are you looking for?" In fact, he may even ask ME, to see if I too want to get into a relationship.
My other thought was - if a man isn't actively looking to get into an LTR, if he's in the "open to getting into one" category, maybe THEN he gets put off because he isn't quite as clear in his intention as the woman is
I was just wondering if I could ask you:
Would you describe yourself as
(A) Actively looking to get into a relationship
or
(B) Wanting to see how things go whilst being open to getting into a relationship if the right woman comes along
Thanks again for your help!
Emma
Livelife36: Hi Chris,
May I ask how you'd respond if a woman asked you?
I.e. If you were on a first date with a woman, who seemed pretty cool, and she then asked you:
"So, what are you looking for?"
How would you feel? And what would you say?
I ask because other guys (in this post for example) say they would be a bit put off if I asked this on a first date...
Thanks again Chris
Emma
May I ask how you'd respond if a woman asked you?
I.e. If you were on a first date with a woman, who seemed pretty cool, and she then asked you:
"So, what are you looking for?"
How would you feel? And what would you say?
I ask because other guys (in this post for example) say they would be a bit put off if I asked this on a first date...
Thanks again Chris
Emma
I don't know whether I would feel anything or not, because I don't think that asking what some is looking for is necessarily a bad question to ask. My response would be an honest one, as she seems pretty cool I would probably say something along the lines of "To be honest I don't really know, eventually I am looking for a long term relationship, but at the moment it is hard to say."
I work in sales so, for me to ask questions is not a problem.
Do you mind if I ask why you are so interested?
Cheers
Chris
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I have a question for the men, especially the men who are looking to get into a relationship
I'm a woman in her thirties and I'm looking to get into a long-term relationship. I'm not interested in anything casual.
And I was just wondering what's the best way to find out what a man wants if you meet him offline.
If you're a commitment-minded man, how would you feel if a woman asked you on a first date:
"So, what are you looking for?"
My reasoning was: If I ask this, the guy can say:
(A) "Just something casual"
or
(B) "I'd like to get into a relationship"
And then we both know where we stand after just one date.
Otherwise I could be dating a man who just wants something casual, not knowing that.
And we could be on different wavelengths,
So for all the men who want relationships, what do you think of my strategy of asking: "So, What are you looking for?" on an early date?
Pros? Cons?
Emma