Church Ladies With typewriters? ( Archived) (10)

Mar 12, 2011 12:37 PM CST Church Ladies With typewriters?
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:






The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in theFellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.





angel grin wave
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Mar 12, 2011 12:39 PM CST Church Ladies With typewriters?
venusenvy
venusenvyvenusenvyCalgary, Alberta Canada27 Threads 20,003 Posts
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing thumbs up
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Mar 12, 2011 12:46 PM CST Church Ladies With typewriters?
mikeglesga
mikeglesgamikeglesgaglasgow, Strathclyde, Scotland UK10 Threads 28 Posts
In response to: They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in theFellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.



applause applause dancing head banger
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Mar 12, 2011 1:59 PM CST Church Ladies With typewriters?
tomcatwarne
tomcatwarnetomcatwarneOcean City, Plumouth, Devon, England UK289 Threads 7 Polls 17,106 Posts
Excellent nulliiiiiirolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing devil cool
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Mar 12, 2011 2:11 PM CST Church Ladies With typewriters?
venusinsilk
venusinsilkvenusinsilkInverness Whoopeeee, Highland, Scotland UK12 Threads 1,103 Posts
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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Mar 12, 2011 7:43 PM CST Church Ladies With typewriters?
lonelywoman55
lonelywoman55lonelywoman55scranton, Pennsylvania USA3 Threads 3,618 Posts
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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Mar 12, 2011 7:47 PM CST Church Ladies With typewriters?
theguynextdoor
theguynextdoortheguynextdoorMiddletown, New York USA5 Threads 1,335 Posts
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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Mar 13, 2011 12:44 AM CST Church Ladies With typewriters?
daisy333
daisy333daisy333Sydney, New South Wales Australia28 Threads 7 Polls 514 Posts
One of the funniest things I've read here - this is comedy gold. Thanks for sharing.
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Mar 15, 2011 11:27 AM CST Church Ladies With typewriters?
Tidepride01
Tidepride01Tidepride01Killen, Alabama USA11 Threads 3 Polls 43 Posts
GOD BLESS THE LITTLE CHURCH LADIES
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Mar 15, 2011 11:29 AM CST Church Ladies With typewriters?
demonfairy
demonfairydemonfairyNewton, North Carolina USA76 Threads 2 Polls 2,278 Posts
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing thumbs up
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