How Well Should You Know Your Online Lover? ( Archived) (20)

Interesting article on internet romance -

I was in a online relationship recently with a friend from elementary school. So we already knew each other, but we had not seen each other for maybe 15 years. We were planning to see each other with my next visit back home in California. She was always so private about so many things, but the more I got to know her, the more I understood she was not for me. The idea is that if you don't ask or talk about the tough questions, you won't know anything about the person---you'll just be fed what he or she wants you to hear--like only happy and positive things or things that may only reflect your interests. I found it very discouraging when this woman did not feel some need to talk/expand when she was feeling at her best.

Excerpt from the article:

"In both offline and online romantic relationships, understanding your partner's mind is complex and involves much more than merely reading faces or messages; it involves paying attention to many subtle cues. This is especially true in online communication, where there are fewer sources of information. Reading your partner's mind in online communication consists of reading both the lines and between the lines. The kinds of words chosen, the speed of the response, the length and frequency of messages are all cues to your partner's perception of the type and quality of the relationship. Thus, a fast response indicates great interest, whereas a slow response may suggest lack of enthusiasm."

"Online romantic relationships should complement, but not substitute for, offline relationships."

"The interesting question is what happens when lovers combine their online and offline relationships. In fact, the less information people have online makes the chances of a successful first face-to-face meeting very low (according to one survey, merely 10%), because the two people may not "click"."

So true! Great contribution langleygirl! We have to be true to ourselves (the Self), always! I should say that I held on a bit too long with this woman because she was so beautiful haha! Well, more info came eventually, and let's just say I realized this woman was not emotionally independent and stable--plus she was way too Christian for me--and I was too spiritually different for her. We had some interesting arguments over something that can't be defined objectively, like about the God concept.

Offline, I think you can get a better idea with a better sense of that person that you have known for a long time. Of course, nothing is as unsure as a sure thing. I think it depends how much you really want to know the person--and some intuition helps. True though, you can't know the person since you are not the person, and that is when assumption can go bad! Knowing a person is ever expanding.

Online, I agree 100 percent.

Yep! It's like they use you, to fill a void, when it suits them.