Sad some people have never experienced marriage (98)

May 29, 2011 9:30 PM CST Sad some people have never experienced marriage
normalguy68
normalguy68normalguy68Wonthaggi, Victoria Australia62 Threads 15 Polls 1,829 Posts
A lot of single people have never known or been married and probably never will, very sad.
May 29, 2011 9:31 PM CST Sad some people have never experienced marriage
melty1
melty1melty1Goolwa, South Australia Australia11 Threads 2 Polls 4,121 Posts
normalguy68: A lot of single people have never known or been married and probably never will, very sad.

moping
May 29, 2011 9:42 PM CST Sad some people have never experienced marriage
akaRALF
akaRALFakaRALFBacchus Marsh, Victoria Australia11 Threads 1,360 Posts
normalguy68: A lot of single people have never known or been married and probably never will, very sad.


Do you mean marriage or just a general loving long term relationship/family?

I certainly would feel for anyone who has not settled into a loving family environment, has not had that deep connection with someone and was able to experience the joy of children and stability and genuinely sharing everything with the person you love.

I have a sister who reckons she is happily single. I can't imagine her ever settling down and having children, I am not convinced that she is happy though. blues
May 29, 2011 9:44 PM CST Sad some people have never experienced marriage
Shell225
Shell225Shell225Brisbane, Queensland Australia26 Threads 8,572 Posts
akaRALF: Do you mean marriage or just a general loving long term relationship/family?

I certainly would feel for anyone who has not settled into a loving family environment, has not had that deep connection with someone and was able to experience the joy of children and stability and genuinely sharing everything with the person you love.

I have a sister who reckons she is happily single. I can't imagine her ever settling down and having children, I am not convinced that she is happy though.


thumbs up yep, its the lack of an intimate loving relationship thats sad.
May 29, 2011 10:09 PM CST Sad some people have never experienced marriage
akaRALF
akaRALFakaRALFBacchus Marsh, Victoria Australia11 Threads 1,360 Posts
Shell225: yep, its the lack of an intimate loving relationship thats sad.


yup. Even though my marriage was not ideal, it was a huge part of my life and it was a very loving relationship. I wouldn't wish that I never had it even though it ended badly and like all experiences, it makes us who we are.

I was chatting with my cousin the other day and she said that she still can't believe that we split up (5 yrs later) and wonders if he knows what he gave up on. She used to look at photos of us and tell me how much in love we looked and we were. I would have died for him, now I just want to kill him.(jokes) laugh
May 29, 2011 10:15 PM CST Sad some people have never experienced marriage
Shell225
Shell225Shell225Brisbane, Queensland Australia26 Threads 8,572 Posts
akaRALF: yup. Even though my marriage was not ideal, it was a huge part of my life and it was a very loving relationship. I wouldn't wish that I never had it even though it ended badly and like all experiences, it makes us who we are.

I was chatting with my cousin the other day and she said that she still can't believe that we split up (5 yrs later) and wonders if he knows what he gave up on. She used to look at photos of us and tell me how much in love we looked and we were. I would have died for him, now I just want to kill him.(jokes)


In all honesty, even though it took me 5 years to get over the marriage and start dating again, it was the ex boyfriend that I've found the hardest to come to terms with. blues

There was no argument, or difference of opinion, just life and responsibilities pulling two people apart. Makes if difficult to have the same sense of closure - well thats what I've found anyway.

In saying that, I look back on the time we had together and it makes me smile, all the silly things we got up to..and I wouldnt trade it for the world.
May 29, 2011 10:29 PM CST Sad some people have never experienced marriage
akaRALF
akaRALFakaRALFBacchus Marsh, Victoria Australia11 Threads 1,360 Posts
Shell225: In all honesty, even though it took me 5 years to get over the marriage and start dating again, it was the ex boyfriend that I've found the hardest to come to terms with.

There was no argument, or difference of opinion, just life and responsibilities pulling two people apart. Makes if difficult to have the same sense of closure - well thats what I've found anyway.

In saying that, I look back on the time we had together and it makes me smile, all the silly things we got up to..and I wouldnt trade it for the world.


Yeah that would be hard, any chance you can look him up? grin
May 29, 2011 10:59 PM CST Sad some people have never experienced marriage
eumundibabe
eumundibabeeumundibabesunshine coast, Queensland Australia30 Threads 486 Posts
wink life is a journey..i have never been married, but not at all sad, i have lived with three different men in relationships, in my grandmothers day, i would have been married and divorced three timeshead banger never saw the point to getting married...i think it for the young..........its all about the journey and creating your own little book of stories to tell your grandkids
beer beer
May 29, 2011 11:19 PM CST Sad some people have never experienced marriage
normalguy68
normalguy68normalguy68Wonthaggi, Victoria Australia62 Threads 15 Polls 1,829 Posts
No nagging, did you put the bin out, mow the lawn, clean out the gutters, trim the roses etc, etc...
Only problem is the bins overflowing, the lawn is too wet to mow, there's grass in the spouting and the roses need to be trimmed :P
May 29, 2011 11:40 PM CST Sad some people have never experienced marriage
Emerold99
Emerold99Emerold99Gympie, Queensland Australia4 Threads 1 Polls 121 Posts
normalguy68: A lot of single people have never known or been married and probably never will, very sad.



Why is it sad? I was in a relationship for over 19 years before setting foot on this site. I have never been married and my relationship lasted longer than a lot of legitimate weddings.

Whilst the memories and photos of weddings are lovely to look at, they are not essential to fulfillment and whilst I believe in the constitution of marriage I don't feel the need to show everyone else how much I love my partner because I have a piece of paper stating so.


IMO, legitimate marriages end in costly drama. If you want to get married and have memories and photos to look back on... go have a pagan ceremony, if you're that keen.
May 29, 2011 11:57 PM CST Sad some people have never experienced marriage
skippyguy
skippyguyskippyguyAshburton, Canterbury New Zealand26 Threads 3,825 Posts
normalguy68: A lot of single people have never known or been married and probably never will, very sad.


Youve been told..! from above lol

but she has valid points...not everyone want s kids or marriage, or either...how we all travel on this journey called life is unique and special to each individual..., i do think your comment is quite generalized, wasnt meant to cause grief so to speak, but we r all different...and derive fulfillment (gosh im sounding devine now..lol) in our own ways...enhance positivity, sidestep negativity, thats my plan !
May 30, 2011 4:07 AM CST Sad some people have never experienced marriage
revealer24
revealer24revealer24Arundel, Queensland Australia62 Threads 985 Posts
akaRALF: yup. Even though my marriage was not ideal, it was a huge part of my life and it was a very loving relationship. I wouldn't wish that I never had it even though it ended badly and like all experiences, it makes us who we are.


When we break up we acknowledge defeat. Don't we carry these failures into the next relationship and because we haven't learned and haven't conquered - but gave up and ran away - our new relationships are also doomed to fail from the beginning.

It is very likely we will walk away again because we are used to failures. One failure after another until we get older and older and find it harder and harder to fight for a relationship. Then we wake up and don't understand why we are hurting, why we are alone. We are decent people, lots of great values... but one thing is missing.

We are not conquerors. We are losers. We shored up defeat upon defeat.

No victories.

But we always hope that we will win the next battle. We raise our flags and start again. The only problem is, we are not equipped to win it.
May 30, 2011 6:03 AM CST Sad some people have never experienced marriage
freominx
freominxfreominxRockingham, Western Australia Australia22 Threads 276 Posts
Well, I experienced marriage for 13 years...... it was fine (sort of) until our first child was born and husband resented first born because he was a boy (ex husband had 5 brothers so wanted a daughter), he also didn't like the attention being taken away from him, and given to new son. Ex husband became abusive, both emotionally and physically, then we had another child 4 years later, a daughter for husband, he doted on her and rejected son even more. He became so abusive towards me and son, that I had no choice but to leave permanently. Son is now 26y.o. and suffers severe depression stemming from total rejection from his father. Father ended up with a severe drug problem, joined the Bandidos bikie gang, then prison for 8 years for attempted murder, children haven't seen him since they were 8 and 4 respectively, we all lived in hiding for many years after my divorce. My children want nothing to do with him, even though he has tried to make contact since out of prison. He blames me to this day. I chose to raise my children without the revolving door of "men friends", so I have had no relationships since the divorce.

HENCE, I have NOT had a good experience of marriage, and have no wish to "try again".
May 30, 2011 7:04 AM CST Sad some people have never experienced marriage
normalguy68
normalguy68normalguy68Wonthaggi, Victoria Australia62 Threads 15 Polls 1,829 Posts
Emerold99: Why is it sad? I was in a relationship for over 19 years before setting foot on this site. I have never been married and my relationship lasted longer than a lot of legitimate weddings.

Whilst the memories and photos of weddings are lovely to look at, they are not essential to fulfillment and whilst I believe in the constitution of marriage I don't feel the need to show everyone else how much I love my partner because I have a piece of paper stating so.IMO, legitimate marriages end in costly drama. If you want to get married and have memories and photos to look back on... go have a pagan ceremony, if you're that keen.
the biggest cost is the settlement, this will cost anyone married or not if they're been together for over 6 months.
May 30, 2011 7:05 AM CST Sad some people have never experienced marriage
normalguy68
normalguy68normalguy68Wonthaggi, Victoria Australia62 Threads 15 Polls 1,829 Posts
skippyguy: Youve been told..! from above lol

but she has valid points...not everyone want s kids or marriage, or either...how we all travel on this journey called life is unique and special to each individual..., i do think your comment is quite generalized, wasnt meant to cause grief so to speak, but we r all different...and derive fulfillment (gosh im sounding devine now..lol) in our own ways...enhance positivity, sidestep negativity, thats my plan !
thumbs up
May 30, 2011 7:14 AM CST Sad some people have never experienced marriage
normalguy68
normalguy68normalguy68Wonthaggi, Victoria Australia62 Threads 15 Polls 1,829 Posts
freominx: Well, I experienced marriage for 13 years...... it was fine (sort of) until our first child was born and husband resented first born because he was a boy (ex husband had 5 brothers so wanted a daughter), he also didn't like the attention being taken away from him, and given to new son. Ex husband became abusive, both emotionally and physically, then we had another child 4 years later, a daughter for husband, he doted on her and rejected son even more. He became so abusive towards me and son, that I had no choice but to leave permanently. Son is now 26y.o. and suffers severe depression stemming from total rejection from his father. Father ended up with a severe drug problem, joined the Bandidos bikie gang, then prison for 8 years for attempted murder, children haven't seen him since they were 8 and 4 respectively, we all lived in hiding for many years after my divorce. My children want nothing to do with him, even though he has tried to make contact since out of prison. He blames me to this day. I chose to raise my children without the revolving door of "men friends", so I have had no relationships since the divorce.

HENCE, I have NOT had a good experience of marriage, and have no wish to "try again".
All 13 years couldn't have been bad, or you would have gotten out earlier. But a bad experience at the end all the same.
Why is it so many relationships end in so much agro and hatred?
I'm using my own experience too.
10 years together, both had our own 5yo child before meeting.
Had 2 more kids together.
Ex wanted to move to Syd. I didn't want to go back to renting and working for a boss with a low wage.
Bang, we split and will never get back together as the end was so violent and messy and is still to be resolved as property hasn't been agreed to, the court will order an auction and so on.
May 30, 2011 7:27 AM CST Sad some people have never experienced marriage
akaRALF
akaRALFakaRALFBacchus Marsh, Victoria Australia11 Threads 1,360 Posts
freominx: Well, I experienced marriage for 13 years...... it was fine (sort of) until our first child was born and husband resented first born because he was a boy (ex husband had 5 brothers so wanted a daughter), he also didn't like the attention being taken away from him, and given to new son. Ex husband became abusive, both emotionally and physically, then we had another child 4 years later, a daughter for husband, he doted on her and rejected son even more. He became so abusive towards me and son, that I had no choice but to leave permanently. Son is now 26y.o. and suffers severe depression stemming from total rejection from his father. Father ended up with a severe drug problem, joined the Bandidos bikie gang, then prison for 8 years for attempted murder, children haven't seen him since they were 8 and 4 respectively, we all lived in hiding for many years after my divorce. My children want nothing to do with him, even though he has tried to make contact since out of prison. He blames me to this day. I chose to raise my children without the revolving door of "men friends", so I have had no relationships since the divorce.

HENCE, I have NOT had a good experience of marriage, and have no wish to "try again".


That is really heartbreaking, Freo. What is worse is that you know you are in an abusive marriage but you don't know how to get out because of fear, money, intimidation, guilt. So many emotional hurdles involved in trying to find your way out. hug I am glad you got out before it cost you more than what it already did.
May 30, 2011 7:38 AM CST Sad some people have never experienced marriage
jem1964
jem1964jem1964Foothills of Dandenongs, Victoria Australia30 Threads 1 Polls 2,441 Posts
why the necessity to label or tag yourself?
Loser? why? just because one part in your life didnt turn out the way you imagined?

You are only a loser if you cannot or will not move on, or if you keep that loser mindscape that may increase the chance of you repeating the same process and same mistakes.

If you think negative, you create negativity. if you think positive you are more likely to move on in a positive direction.
There are no guarantees at life, there are too many variables.

I dont consider myself sad that I never had a piece of paper, but I would consider myself sad if I had never taken a chance on love and someone. I did take that chance but it didnt work out but in the meantime I have gained so much experience, both good and bad, to take on into my future.
And that is nothing to be sad about
May 30, 2011 7:40 AM CST Sad some people have never experienced marriage
akaRALF
akaRALFakaRALFBacchus Marsh, Victoria Australia11 Threads 1,360 Posts
normalguy68: Might be a male thing, I see myself as a loser at love.
Other friends have been with their wife for over 20 years and I didn't even last 10.
Puts hand on my forehead in the shape of an L


Gawd, that sounds miserable, Norm. hug Easy for me to say, it is part of my make up I think that I am a fighter. Maybe it is life's experiences?? dunno I can't just lay down and die or never say never. Gets me in a bit of trouble sometimes but I don't find it good to feel defeated. And if I am beaten then at least I know I have tried everything and probably learnt something.
May 30, 2011 7:42 AM CST Sad some people have never experienced marriage
Shell225
Shell225Shell225Brisbane, Queensland Australia26 Threads 8,572 Posts
Im a fighter, but I've learned to pick my battles. Some things are worth fighting for, others dunno its best to walk away with dignity.
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