Unable to Live without Love... ( Archived) (7)

God, I just don't know how much I am supposed to take in life! My ex wife left me abused, broken, and emotionally destroyed eight years ago, then my mother died. Then my grandfather died. Then one of my uncles was crushed in a car accident and one of my aunts died of kidney failure. My stepfather got lung cancer, and my grandmother had a stroke that left her unable to speak right. I am literally alone, where I used to have a whole family that at least was able to cheer me up and make me think that tomorrow would be a better day. I used to be able to go to the local library, and there was this girl there who had a huge crush on me and whom I was deeply in love for a time. But her family and her all moved out of the country, and so she too was taken from me. I've had it! I need someone to come into my life before it is too late. I have so much love to offer, and I fear I'll die alone if no one cares enough to get to know me and love me in return. I keep having my heart broken again and again by women who keep lying to me and hurting me... and I keep getting back up and starting over, again and again. But I can only keep starting over so many times before it is too late. I know that nobody cares about decent men anymore, and probably I'll have to quit this site and look elsewhere... because I'm in so much pain emotionally that I have to keep trying to find love (since that is my dream in life, and all I am currently living for), and if this is not a good place for it then I should not waste precious time here. My heart can only be broken so many times, and in so many ways before it hardens. I don't want my heart to harden! So I'll try for a little while more here, and I'll hope for the best but at the same time I must consider the worst. If it keeps up like it is, I'll move on. I am not mad at this site, nor at anybody in particular. Just at my situation and how frustrated I feel at having been alone for so many years now with seemingly no or little hope. I keep hearing that there is always hope, but right now I need more than hope... I need a miracle that only love can deliver. I know love does not happen overnight, but it has to at least begin in order to happen at all. So far, on this site at the very least, it does not seem to be working out.

Forgive me if I seem so down, but this is the place to talk all about broken hearts... and mine is being tortured more than it can bear. I won't let it destroy me, but I need something solid to give me hope. Not just a dream that I keep praying will come true. Sometimes, prayers just are not enough. Sometimes, I truly wonder if God or anyone even cares. I'm not a bad guy... I just need the right lady to give me a chance. I keep taking chances, myself, but maybe what I need is for someone to care about me as much as I can care about her. It is not a lot to hope for, is it?

In the meantime, I will continue to hope, dream, pray, and stick my neck out in the hopes that love will find me. I have said that I am a hopeless romantic. I guess I just cannot change that.

Farewell for now. Love and Light to all!

i'm sorry to read you're feeling frustrated and unmotivated at the moment...

i do hope that putting your thoughts "on the paper" can help you to sort them and to, somewhat, free you to live your life in a more serene way without struggling with the fear of living it alone...

we don't know our future and i have always considered it as a very good thing coz i think that the unpredictability of our life is one of the biggest opportunies we can have..

Hi there,
I read your mail.In the aspect: cannot live without love, I am the same: I cannot live without love too.And..you know what?that s very very normal.Almost everyone needs love from another person.

I still have dreams, hope and keep on looking.Why not? If you don t do that, nothing happens.Some people are so lucky they bump into each other, but that s not always the case..

So, cheer up.I don t know how you look like, but take care
of yourself, go to the hairdresser, buy new clothes and...the last thing you must do is: feel pity for yourself!
don t eat, drink too much , take good care of yourself
ok?

Cat

I agree also with the posting of Larry
Yes!Be ok with yourself.. that s difficult but a good start