Best Lawyer Joke Ever? (5)
cosmik_debris: You be the judge :)
A man walks into a bar after losing a major lawsuit and sits down to lift a few scotches. After he quaffed down a few while ruminating over how much moneys lost he stands up and yells
"ALL LAWYERS ARE a**hole!!"
A moment later another man down at the other end of the bar stands, looks at the first man and quietly states "I resent that remark sir".
The first man sneers as he says "You must be a lawyer."
The second man pauses for a moment then says "No, Im an a**hole."
A man walks into a bar after losing a major lawsuit and sits down to lift a few scotches. After he quaffed down a few while ruminating over how much moneys lost he stands up and yells
"ALL LAWYERS ARE a**hole!!"
A moment later another man down at the other end of the bar stands, looks at the first man and quietly states "I resent that remark sir".
The first man sneers as he says "You must be a lawyer."
The second man pauses for a moment then says "No, Im an a**hole."
May be!!!
This one ain't bad either!!!
A little old lady went into the Natwest Bank one day carrying a bag of money. She insists that she must speak with the manager of the bank to open a savings account because it’s a lot of money.
They finally get her into the managers office and he asks her how much she would like to deposit. She says she has £100,000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto his desk. The manager was surprised and of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asks her. The old lady says, “I make bets”.
The manager replies, “Bets? What kind of bets?” and she says, “for example, I’ll bet you £5,000 that your balls are square”. “Ha!” says the manager, “That’s a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of bet”.
The old lady says,”So, would you like to take my bet?” “Sure,” says the manager, “I’ll bet £5,000 that my balls are not square!” The little old lady says “OK, but since there is a lot of money involved is it OK with you if I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM to witness?” “Sure” says the manager.
That night the manager got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again, thoroughly checking them out until he was sure that there is no way his balls are square and that he will win the bet.
The next morning at 10 AM the little old lady appears with her lawyer at the manager’s office. She introduces the lawyer to the manager and repeats the bet, that £5,000 says the manager’s balls are square. The manager agrees with the bet again and the old lady asks him to drop his trousers and underwear so they can see. The manager does this. The little old lady looks closely at his balls and then asks if she can feel them. “Well, OK” says the manager, £5,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure”.
Then he notices that the lawyer is quietly banging his head against the wall and he asks the old lady, “What is wrong with your lawyer?”
She replies, “Nothing, except I bet him £15,000 that by 10 AM today I’d have Natwest banks manager’s balls in my hands!”
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Why don't sharks eat lawyers ???
Professional Courtesy...
Or they aren't cannibals...
Lawyer goes to heaven (I know) and turns to St Peter this isn't right I am 50 years old and as fit and as healthy as a 40 year old... Peter takes the lawyer into a room and shows him all the clocks of peoples lives... they get to the lawyers clock and St Peter turns to the lawyer well according to this the time you have billed is worth nearly 90 years...
And Yes I work for a law firm thankfully though I am not a lawyer...
Professional Courtesy...
Or they aren't cannibals...
Lawyer goes to heaven (I know) and turns to St Peter this isn't right I am 50 years old and as fit and as healthy as a 40 year old... Peter takes the lawyer into a room and shows him all the clocks of peoples lives... they get to the lawyers clock and St Peter turns to the lawyer well according to this the time you have billed is worth nearly 90 years...
And Yes I work for a law firm thankfully though I am not a lawyer...
------ This thread is Archived ------
A lawyer who works in Texas gets a call about an emergency
which requires him to immediately fly out of the state for a
short period of time. He has no time to pack, so he calls
home to tell his wife he is going.
The maid answers the call, but is quite hesitant about putting
his wife on the phone. After quite a bit of interrogation, she
admits that the wife is upstairs in bed with the mailman!
The lawyer is furious, and wants to rush right home, but of
course there is this emergency he must take care of.
So instead, he tells the maid to go get the gun from the
desk drawer and kill both his wife and the mailman. She
protests! The lawyer explains that under Texas law it is
legal to kill your adulterous wife and her lover.
Using his silver tongue, he finally convinces her to do it.
She puts down the phone, and soon the lawyer hears
the sound of two gun shots, a scream, some loud thumps,
and finally, two splashes.
The maid comes back to the phone.
The lawyer asks, "Did you kill them?"
Yes," she replies.
The lawyer questions her again, "What did you do with
the bodies?"
"I threw them in the pool," she responds.
There is a brief pause from the lawyer. He asks her, "Did
you say the pool?"
"Yes! I threw them in the pool!" she says.
"Uh, is this 555-8234?
which requires him to immediately fly out of the state for a
short period of time. He has no time to pack, so he calls
home to tell his wife he is going.
The maid answers the call, but is quite hesitant about putting
his wife on the phone. After quite a bit of interrogation, she
admits that the wife is upstairs in bed with the mailman!
The lawyer is furious, and wants to rush right home, but of
course there is this emergency he must take care of.
So instead, he tells the maid to go get the gun from the
desk drawer and kill both his wife and the mailman. She
protests! The lawyer explains that under Texas law it is
legal to kill your adulterous wife and her lover.
Using his silver tongue, he finally convinces her to do it.
She puts down the phone, and soon the lawyer hears
the sound of two gun shots, a scream, some loud thumps,
and finally, two splashes.
The maid comes back to the phone.
The lawyer asks, "Did you kill them?"
Yes," she replies.
The lawyer questions her again, "What did you do with
the bodies?"
"I threw them in the pool," she responds.
There is a brief pause from the lawyer. He asks her, "Did
you say the pool?"
"Yes! I threw them in the pool!" she says.
"Uh, is this 555-8234?
------ This thread is Archived ------
What do they call a 1000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
a good start!
a good start!
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Created: Jun 2011
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A man walks into a bar after losing a major lawsuit and sits down to lift a few scotches. After he quaffed down a few while ruminating over how much moneys lost he stands up and yells
"ALL LAWYERS ARE a**hole!!"
A moment later another man down at the other end of the bar stands, looks at the first man and quietly states "I resent that remark sir".
The first man sneers as he says "You must be a lawyer."
The second man pauses for a moment then says "No, Im an a**hole."