DATING...with Children... (23)

Yes when being a full time parent it can be quite challenging when you are single and date. My oldest goes away to his dad's every two weekends so normaly when I meet someone I try to plan it around then and meet in a public place such as for coffee or the park and then once I get to know them better, I invite them over to watch a movie or play cards or something when the children are in bed.

I don't like to involve my children until I am sure how the relationship will go for certain.

I don't like to involve my children until I am sure how the relationship will go for certain



I agree but still how sure can you be that the relationship lasts.

Generally i have to plan dates in advance. Being spontaneous is a little more difficult for me especially when i am providing care. I date mostly on the days my girls are not with me. On occassion if my rotation falls on a weekend i may go out and get a sitter, not often though. I have my daughters half the time (we do 4 on 4 off) so daing can be easily planned around as i know in advance the days they are with me. Overall my time with my daughters is just that....with them. I have plenty of time to be more active in a few years when they are teenagers and out looking for relationships themselves.
To answer your question i dont think it curbs the dating or activities i do. It is all how you handle it i think. Planning dates does help. What i do find challenging is some woman not understanding my commitment to my children and that they come first.

Also, my children do not meet my dates. Like some of the other ladies have said, i have invited a lady over later in the night when my girls are in bed asleep. On just one occassion in the past 3yrs my daughter woke up (my oldest at that) and saw a girl over and questioned me big time. LOL...this was one of the few times i had a date when they were over and a babysitter had put them to bed. i explained she was a friend and we were just hanging out.
I make an effort to keep my children away from my personal life. If and when something becomes serious with a relationship, i would then introduce them, but that has yet to happen.

sorry this thread isnt aimed at me as i dont have children but i will say one thing...

i dates a few really sweet women who had children... and although i really liked them, i just couldnt commit longterm.

they would each make wonderful wives.. but the kids issue was just something i couldnt overcome... and many of my friends feel the same way.

either way.. good luck darling.

i would wonder why you would date woman with children then?

Why couldnt you commit? scared? want your own children? It would have been nice if you could have explained what you mean by overcoming children. I am sure the ladies would want to know too.

I find it so difficult to date, and I do have 2 young children, its seems people my age have already done the rasing of there kids and dont wanna date someone that is still doing that. I wish people would be straight up about issues like this its only fair. My kids rock my world and if I am going to dat that someone she has to accept me as a single dad with young kids period.

actually the only people I have dated has had kids, both had two. It is not a problem, but I was talking to someone over the net, and when we met I had no idea what to do since she had no kids, and well It was only the two of us. I felt like such an idiot, needless to say I didn't get a second date.

I guess you could use this as a kind of test.

I do have one of mine full time.

If you had to call off a date because of a childs need I would understand.

If you did it all the time I would think you were trying to brush me off but were to polite to tell me.

AB

I hate to say this...but I do feel that way too Wikked...I guess it's normal I feel that way...

Lately I have wondered...how do you make someone without children understand?

I am finding it soooo challenging and I think if this relationship does not work out, I will be" more " open to a future possibility of life with another single parent.

I want to keep the parenting to my own and I am finding it difficult making my partner understand certain aspects of it. I feel the need to advance slowly as I feel that this person is inexperienced and hasn't had that many relationships. Everything is almost a task at some moments...

I do feel that the children are mine and mine only. I come with a package; but the package to me is a responsability to understand the lifestyle that a parent has.

Perhaps I think I will stop here as I would not make anyone think I am unhappy. On contrary I try to communicate daily with him my feelings, that way I am true to myself and to him as well.

He is fully aware that he has entered a relationship with a woman who has children...too many men take and find blame on that. And I'm sure some single fathers have experienced the same as well.

My first duty to myself is to be a true mother to my children.

"If"
The day he feels he is not good enough for me, and that he can never make me happy and that I always make him feel less...that day will have been longcoming...to end the relationship.

So at the moment I choose to stay awake

<<< Childless wonder...... and I do understand...children come first and that's the way it should be. Some people don't like second place, some people don't like the risk of loosing a whole family if things go sour. It's hard enough loosing a parner but when dating someone who has kids you get attached and then boom something happens you're out in the cold on your own with no leagal rights to even see the kids....It's a humongous emotional risk above and beyond the normal dating arena.