Saving All Creatures Semi-Great and Small (or: Nature's Revenge?) ( Archived) (68)

While mowing my ex-wife's lawn (one of many joyous chores that has come to be my lot since her stroke several months ago), I noticed the lawn was literally writhing with frogs, snakes, and even a bird nest or bunny or two, but I nonetheless forged full-speed ahead, the rider mower's blades delivering all flesh in its path to what I hoped was a fairly pleasant animal-afterlife.

Then my ex-wife strode out in my path and demanded that I cease such deliveries, asking that I drive more slowly and also, when the opportunity arose, take the time to physically capture frogs and snakes and deposit them in a massive weed path at the end of her property.

I imagine I regarded her with pained disdain, or perhaps disbelieving disdain, as I declined what I thought was an impossible and pointless Stygian labor. The lawn required three body and groin-banging hours as it was. I could scarcely imagine adding Zeus-knew how many additional hours saving the "grass creatures."

My ex-wife was not happy, but retired with hung head, knowing that I was already doing her a service (one among many). As I continued my lawn-mowing death march, I reflected both on the ethical question of whether I ought to be making some effort to avoid this animal slaughter (or perhaps slaughter them more sensitively?) and on my brusque dismissal of my ex-wife's concern. Should I have been more respectful of her? Should I have at least paid lip-service to her idea of saving the creatures?

Later, I wondered if I were being punished for my human arrogance as I paused to refill the lawnmower with gas, and suddenly felt a sharp burning in my left ear and scalp, which happened just as I started the mower so I assumed might've been due to an object deflected from the mower blade - perhaps heated by contact with the blade - but as the pain seemed to grow (and multiply!), I wondered what the *$*! was going on. Remembering a special friend's advice about treating a burn with cold water (to prevent the burning from continuing), I turned off the mower and started to sprint for the nearest water hose.

But the moment I turned off the mower, I heard a symphony of buzzing, and realized instantly the hot-poker pains weren't due to the mower throwing hot stuff at me. In a flash I noticed the hornet's nest on the roof of the garage, which was now spewing a swarm of self-righteously enraged hornets.

As I backed away, frantically swatting at the yellow-jacket hordes, I spotted a can of WD40 on a nearby shelf, and reached for it (few things in life, I've observed, cannot be solved by baling wire, duct tape, and WD40 ), hastily spraying a cloud in the path of the hornet special forces assault team while praying for a yet another Wd40 miracle.

Strangely enough - several stings later - my desperate weapon of choice actually worked. It seems, as I suspected, that insects don't do well coated with mineral spirits, and they began, as a group, to fall from the air. Eventually, I killed many of them and destroyed their nest.

But now I'm wondering if there might've been some cosmic justice involved for my disrespecting both the creatures and my wife's entreaties?

Thoughts?

Naw... you just hit a hornets nest ....

I give you an A on capturing the reader till the end tho....

I think she put a Voodo curse on you..

I knew a lady that insisted on saving insects. She picked them up and put them outside ants, ladybugs, spiders.

I would say, run over the snakes but pick up the frogs and any other cute little varmits and do what she asked of you. Last thing she needs is to be upset. But don't tell her about the snakes...

You really think it was merely random? That Mother Earth wasn't sending me a message?

You have a bias against snakes, I'm guessing. I have to say, I did find their slithering about somewhat annoying...if not a bit unnerving.

Yeah, I know of a person or two who would capture insects - even mosquitoes! - and transfer them to safety rather than kill them. Even my ex-wife doesn't go that far.

There were, it seemed, hundreds of frogs leaping before my eager blades...I honestly think I could've spent an extra hour at least chasing them around. And after depositing them in the aforementioned weed patch, what was stopping them from springing out again before my chariot of slaughter?

I did wonder, though, if I shouldn't have simply told my ex-wife that yes, I would do everything possible to avoid an animal holocaust?

Did I lose you at the end, Grizz?

Completely agree that might have been the best idea. This is when a lie isn't really a lie, IMO, but just granting the wish of someone who is ill. Almost like a deathbed wish.....yes, I will do whatever you want...