Stepchildren (27)
do you know the name of the site? i have lots of views on this subject
you could always post your views on here
my view on this, is that im with steve now, and he has kids and how i feel about him, even if i hated is kids (which i very much doubt as they sound lovely and i dont anybody) i wouldnt let that ruin things for us, as i have to many feelings for him.
I met my long time ex partner 16 years ago and my boys were 4 and 7 at the time.
We moved in together quite quickly , and although my sons were not his he never treated them any differently than he would have if they had been his
After 12 months thay started calling him dad and even though we are no longer together they still see him as their father..
The chances of me meeting someone my own age with young children are quite slim, and to be honest I would prefer to find a partner with grown non dependent children like myself or no children..
Afraid I have done my time of sitting in every weekend due to not being able to get baysitters, its my time now...
We moved in together quite quickly , and although my sons were not his he never treated them any differently than he would have if they had been his
After 12 months thay started calling him dad and even though we are no longer together they still see him as their father..
The chances of me meeting someone my own age with young children are quite slim, and to be honest I would prefer to find a partner with grown non dependent children like myself or no children..
Afraid I have done my time of sitting in every weekend due to not being able to get baysitters, its my time now...
It takes time but if there is a determination a mutual peace can be negotiated . Seek wisdom
Sorry dont know the name of the website but the feature was on This Morning so may be on their website - she didnt go down too well with the agony aunt Denise on there though!
If you love and care for the person enough to be with them, you accept their children as part of the deal.
Even if Debbie had children, it would not change the way that I feel about her.
Even if Debbie had children, it would not change the way that I feel about her.
hi bubblywan
as a single parent of three girls i understand totally what you say and whilst my children are still dependant of me...IE.. living at home. unfortunatly if the guy id met didnt get on with any of them he would be right out the door... as for paying for their own children i think that should be done but maybe but into a saving bond of sorts for their college fees deposit on house or their marrage!!...
ive been a single mum for 10yrs now and never recieved a penny from my ex but that doesnt stop him being their father, altho ive never stopped him seeing them he never made the effort.. (his loss) ... two of my girls are beautiful young ladies now and they see this for themselves...
up to now any private life i had i kept from my girls that way i found the true person befor they ever got chance to meet my girls....
sorry if this offends anyone
xxxxxxxxx
as a single parent of three girls i understand totally what you say and whilst my children are still dependant of me...IE.. living at home. unfortunatly if the guy id met didnt get on with any of them he would be right out the door... as for paying for their own children i think that should be done but maybe but into a saving bond of sorts for their college fees deposit on house or their marrage!!...
ive been a single mum for 10yrs now and never recieved a penny from my ex but that doesnt stop him being their father, altho ive never stopped him seeing them he never made the effort.. (his loss) ... two of my girls are beautiful young ladies now and they see this for themselves...
up to now any private life i had i kept from my girls that way i found the true person befor they ever got chance to meet my girls....
sorry if this offends anyone
xxxxxxxxx
Steve I agree with what you say - if you fall for someone and they have kids then of course you would do your utmost to make it work but it would appear from what this woman was saying and also listening to the experiences of friends that it all starts out hunky dory and the first sign of any trouble from the kids and all hell breaks loose. I do believe though that if one partner has never had kids then it must be more difficult for them to understand not only why we do the stuff we do for our kids but why the kids do the stuff they do to annoy us and I think kids could really break a relationship if they wanted to - they are very knowing at times.
Maybe it would also work better if the kids didnt see the absent parent and had a chance to build a relationship with the new partner. It must be a minefield though - dont think I could have done it - couldnt have taken the hassle. I'm sure there must be some happy success stories though.
Maybe it would also work better if the kids didnt see the absent parent and had a chance to build a relationship with the new partner. It must be a minefield though - dont think I could have done it - couldnt have taken the hassle. I'm sure there must be some happy success stories though.
Hiya Charlee
I agree with you. I also chose to stay on my own with my 3 kids as mine had gone through a bad time already and I wanted to devote all of my time to making sure my kids turned out to be caring and well balanced human beings - which they now are thank God.
I'm sure though that there are some lovely people both men and women who would welcome kids and love them like their own but also I think there are probably a lot of selfish ones who would resent any attention the kids were taking away from them. I do know someone who is married to someone just like this.
I suppose the message is that you just have to be very careful in your choice of partner and be sure about them from the start.
I agree with you. I also chose to stay on my own with my 3 kids as mine had gone through a bad time already and I wanted to devote all of my time to making sure my kids turned out to be caring and well balanced human beings - which they now are thank God.I'm sure though that there are some lovely people both men and women who would welcome kids and love them like their own but also I think there are probably a lot of selfish ones who would resent any attention the kids were taking away from them. I do know someone who is married to someone just like this.
I suppose the message is that you just have to be very careful in your choice of partner and be sure about them from the start.
to true hunny
mine also went through a very rough time, violent ex, and i think you tend to protect them al the more to guide them to not making the same mistakes as you yourself have for the father mother relationship to break up!!!
i also think the absent parent should pay but this also goes in their favour cos i do believe they should have the right to see the children they pay for..... (circumstances aloud)
xxxxx
mine also went through a very rough time, violent ex, and i think you tend to protect them al the more to guide them to not making the same mistakes as you yourself have for the father mother relationship to break up!!!
i also think the absent parent should pay but this also goes in their favour cos i do believe they should have the right to see the children they pay for..... (circumstances aloud)
xxxxx
Yes I guess each case is individual. This really grabbed my attention this morning though because with what is going on in the world today and how we worry about our kids etc., there is nothing more precious than your kids and nothing more important than making sure they are safe and happy and I think that people rush into relationships when they are at the height of passion etc., and the kids are just expected to get on with it and dont really get a say in anything.
I can see the other side where a parent is on their own for a long time with kids and just wants another grown up for company and affection but in my job I see so many broken relationships that have only lasted 5 minutes and the week after the kids are being herded into another new relationship. Its just so sad that there are so many irresponsible parents out there.
I can see the other side where a parent is on their own for a long time with kids and just wants another grown up for company and affection but in my job I see so many broken relationships that have only lasted 5 minutes and the week after the kids are being herded into another new relationship. Its just so sad that there are so many irresponsible parents out there.
I agree with what you say that some kids can cause problems with new relationships.
However, I know my kids well and know that all they want is for me to be happy, because if I am happy then they are too.
I also that they will really like Debbie and want things to work out for us, so I have no fear of any problems from them.
However, I know my kids well and know that all they want is for me to be happy, because if I am happy then they are too.
I also that they will really like Debbie and want things to work out for us, so I have no fear of any problems from them.
I'm happy for you and Debbie, Steve
You sound like you are a responsible adult and you obviously care about your kids and know the pitfalls and I guess you must have known Debbie for some time now?
However I'm sure you will agree that there are a lot of people out there who dont give a thought to their kids welfare and happiness when they enter into a new relationship and that concerns me.
This programme though was about what appeared to be a really selfish woman. Apparantly her and her husband are both presenters on a radio show in the South West somewhere and are quite well known and there she was this morning acting like a spoilt brat - she resents anything he does for and with his kids - like I said before until she has kids of her own she will not understand the bond - but she does sound extremely selfish and his kids must hate her I would think.
You sound like you are a responsible adult and you obviously care about your kids and know the pitfalls and I guess you must have known Debbie for some time now?
However I'm sure you will agree that there are a lot of people out there who dont give a thought to their kids welfare and happiness when they enter into a new relationship and that concerns me.
This programme though was about what appeared to be a really selfish woman. Apparantly her and her husband are both presenters on a radio show in the South West somewhere and are quite well known and there she was this morning acting like a spoilt brat - she resents anything he does for and with his kids - like I said before until she has kids of her own she will not understand the bond - but she does sound extremely selfish and his kids must hate her I would think.
i have feelings for steve that i have never experienced before, and his kids seem really nice so i dont we will have any problems
Like I say I am happy for you but I guess its good to know what the pitfalls are at the beginning so you know what to expect which is why this woman on TV annoyed me because she knew he had kids when she married him so why is it such an issue now she has got to know them. You have to feel a bit sorry for her poor husband cos he must be torn in all directions. Oh well, the pattern of life hey.
yes i agree, thats very bad on her part, and i do feel sorry for her husband
I have two young girls and they are the focus of any decision i make concerning dating, i try to involve them as much as possible and i always make it clear that they will always come first to me. Some times the answers you get can sum a person up and make your decision for you. I have stopped seing several people at an early stage (not here) because of comments regarding my children. I see it that they need me more than anyone else ever would at the moment and i dont think its too much to ask of anybody to respect that.
Just my thoughts
Just my thoughts
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Created: Oct 2006
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Given that there are a few people on this forum who are looking for new partners and have children my question is:
What would you do if you met someone and fell in love with them but you hated or really disliked their child/children?
My feelings on this particular woman are that she knew he had kids when she met him and if she had taken time to get to know them before she married him then maybe she wouldnt have got married - also I think if she already had kids of her own she may view things differently - I think that is really important as someone who has never had kids will never understand why you do some of the things you do for your kids and therefore build up some resentment.
Would love to hear your take on this.