Why is it harder to find a partner than a new job when over 40 ? (11)
A lot of people who are over 40 and still haven't found the one, with endless relationships going nowhere.....or those who've been through bad abusive relationships, are damaged. I guess it's hard to trust enough again, to just be yourself one more time, to love fearlessly again........and give another the freedom to hurt you all over.......
It`s equal to any age, finding a partner.
Easy to find someone to be with, who may not necessarely make a "good partner".
If one has been a loner all one`s life,
then you got entrenched habits and it`s not easy to change them - which one has to sort-of do to fit in with another person (?..my opinion)
Mistrust .. yes to a degree. But one should have become a bit wiser over time.
Must always have Hope. Without hope you don`t know what it is you are looking for.
"Fearing the future" ..... we "trust" in so much every day ... why not "trust" the future as well ... to provide what it is you are wanting?
Over 5 years old, everyone has been disappointed.
Leaving the "baggage" behind is important. No-one wants to really hear long boring stories from history.
Duties from the pre-life are part and parcel of an ongoing life.... it`s part of Who You Are.
The last two sentences ...... are up to the person, and what they REALLy want!
.............................?
...........?........
Easy to find someone to be with, who may not necessarely make a "good partner".
If one has been a loner all one`s life,
then you got entrenched habits and it`s not easy to change them - which one has to sort-of do to fit in with another person (?..my opinion)
Mistrust .. yes to a degree. But one should have become a bit wiser over time.
Must always have Hope. Without hope you don`t know what it is you are looking for.
"Fearing the future" ..... we "trust" in so much every day ... why not "trust" the future as well ... to provide what it is you are wanting?
Over 5 years old, everyone has been disappointed.
Leaving the "baggage" behind is important. No-one wants to really hear long boring stories from history.
Duties from the pre-life are part and parcel of an ongoing life.... it`s part of Who You Are.
The last two sentences ...... are up to the person, and what they REALLy want!
.............................? ...........?........twinself: A lot of people who are over 40 and still haven't found the one, with endless relationships going nowhere.....or those who've been through bad abusive relationships, are damaged. I guess it's hard to trust enough again, to just be yourself one more time, to love fearlessly again........and give another the freedom to hurt you all over.......
Hi Twinself !
..good answer !
When falling in Love with a good partner you'll get flowers every week.
With the wrong one you'll have problems everyday.
When you caught by love it depends with whom.
It will drive your life.
kr
Ramon
I have been thinking about that my self. It's so hard to find someone.
Is it because we set our sights too high? Or maybe because that we only look at the photo and the physical description, and not what is inside?
They say that it takes a man 3 seconds to know if they want to sleep with a woman and 3 minutes for a woman to know if they want to sleep with a man.
But on a dating site, it is much harder to feel if there is any chemistry.
They say that it takes a man 3 seconds to know if they want to sleep with a woman and 3 minutes for a woman to know if they want to sleep with a man.
But on a dating site, it is much harder to feel if there is any chemistry.
Hi Ramone! 
I think part of the problem is that when you're young, you don't go out specifically looking for a partner. You're in a circle of similarly young, single people - and things click and develop if and when they do.
As you get older, most of our friends are married/attached, and looking for a partner becomes a specific goal, with a lot of expectations attached. The whole dating thing - that used to start off as fun - sharing interest and then maybe develop into partnership, has now become more of a stress loaded audition process. Scares the pants off me - I can tell you!
Ah well. Schönen Tag noch! .....
I think part of the problem is that when you're young, you don't go out specifically looking for a partner. You're in a circle of similarly young, single people - and things click and develop if and when they do.
As you get older, most of our friends are married/attached, and looking for a partner becomes a specific goal, with a lot of expectations attached. The whole dating thing - that used to start off as fun - sharing interest and then maybe develop into partnership, has now become more of a stress loaded audition process. Scares the pants off me - I can tell you!
Ah well. Schönen Tag noch! .....
Rhiannon3: Hi Ramone!
I think part of the problem is that when you're young, you don't go out specifically looking for a partner. You're in a circle of similarly young, single people - and things click and develop if and when they do.
As you get older, most of our friends are married/attached, and looking for a partner becomes a specific goal, with a lot of expectations attached. The whole dating thing - that used to start off as fun - sharing interest and then maybe develop into partnership, has now become more of a stress loaded audition process. Scares the pants off me - I can tell you!
Ah well. Schönen Tag noch! .....
I think part of the problem is that when you're young, you don't go out specifically looking for a partner. You're in a circle of similarly young, single people - and things click and develop if and when they do.
As you get older, most of our friends are married/attached, and looking for a partner becomes a specific goal, with a lot of expectations attached. The whole dating thing - that used to start off as fun - sharing interest and then maybe develop into partnership, has now become more of a stress loaded audition process. Scares the pants off me - I can tell you!
Ah well. Schönen Tag noch! .....
Hello Rhiannon3 !
Thanks for your good reply.
"has now become more of a stress loaded audition process"
this sounds eerie
I guess that there is also the possibility for 40+
The also can be childish relaxed and the click can come as well.
Wherefrom do the high expectations come when having all on our own with 40+ ??
The only expectation to me is falling in love and be happy.
Don't we believe to become happy again or do we fear to get hurt again?
Do we prevent the chance to feel somebody heart to heart as a part of yourself ?
kr Ramon
twinself: A lot of people who are over 40 and still haven't found the one, with endless relationships going nowhere.....or those who've been through bad abusive relationships, are damaged. I guess it's hard to trust enough again, to just be yourself one more time, to love fearlessly again........and give another the freedom to hurt you all over.......
Older and Wiser that's all I'm going to say.
Ramon62: My opinion after being in CS for longer than 8 month:
Questioning myself why it's harder to get a partner than a job over 40.
In a Job you have become experienced.
For Partnership you are pre-damaged over 40 ?
Are there not some habits as reason to unmatch ?
Is it mistrust ?
Is our look not yet the best ?
Are we sometimes without hope ?
Do we fear our future ?
Are we disappointed from Partnership ?
Are there too high duties from the pre-life ?
Do we only search contact for not being alone but no real relation ?
Do we like our loneliness or are we angry to miss a real happy life ?
Questioning myself why it's harder to get a partner than a job over 40.
In a Job you have become experienced.
For Partnership you are pre-damaged over 40 ?
Are there not some habits as reason to unmatch ?
Is it mistrust ?
Is our look not yet the best ?
Are we sometimes without hope ?
Do we fear our future ?
Are we disappointed from Partnership ?
Are there too high duties from the pre-life ?
Do we only search contact for not being alone but no real relation ?
Do we like our loneliness or are we angry to miss a real happy life ?
Hi Ramon,
An interesting question you pose, but I would never compare it to a job as, for most, a job is a means to an end, but a relationship is much more, much more than that, (I hear Sinatra going round in my head now
)..I also find your words on the negative side, which leads me as follows:
Pre-damaged
I'd say, like most, more experienced, like with work, and as others have said, hopefully that bit wiser for the future.. As for habits, well if its serious then I would hope both would be willing to compromise on those ones we are not soo keen on, or let the other know what it is, who knows, they may not even be aware they do it themselves..
Ahh, mistrust, well as has been said, its down to ones past experience, as so much of this is, but we must be prepared to give it, for do we not want to have our partner show that same level of trust to us..
As for looks, we all have our own personal taste and I certainly believe there is someone for everyone, (its just finding & meeting them that is the problem!!
)Without hope, I dare say not, for why would most of us be here!! (though there is the odd exception, like Smoky
)Fear for the future, well, yes that is there, but it is in all aspects of life, from the simple to the hardest decisions, but we must trust our own judgement and sometimes go out on a limb, for there is always that chance that what you hope for happens!!
Disappointments form past relations, Hmm.. I think that is down to the individual, as while I suspect we all began these with good intentions there are thousands of reasons as to why they came to an end, with some no doubt even being outwith our control.. As others say, its more about looking to the future and only using the past as a guide to ensure whatever occurred does not happen again..
High duties from the re-life, it depends ones beliefs, but again< I believe that to a certain degree, we control our destiny through the choices we make... just make sure they are good ones, its as simpe as that!!
As for searching for human contact rather than a real relationship, I really really hope not, for you are not only cheating yourself, but more importantly, the other person you are with!!
As for liking our loneliness, again its down to what one is looking for in a relationship as I know that some are quite content to have one where both parties do not essentially live together, but have their own home and know that each needs to have their own space, yet will also spend quality time together..
However there should be no anger involved, and if so, then they still have issues form their past to resolve and is something they should do.. (though that does not mean that one should not be open about ones past, for it shows us from what we perceive as our hardest & weakest point and displays a level of trust in the new person in our lives, and I also think it is good for us, but do not let it become the main topic, for in the past is where it should remain).. And here's Frank's classic, enjoy..
P.S. the Final Curtain is a long, long way off!!
Yash124g: Hi Ramon,
An interesting question you pose, but I would never compare it to a job as, for most, a job is a means to an end, but a relationship is much more, much more than that, (I hear Sinatra going round in my head now )..
I also find your words on the negative side, which leads me as follows:
Pre-damaged I'd say, like most, more experienced, like with work, and as others have said, hopefully that bit wiser for the future..
As for habits, well if its serious then I would hope both would be willing to compromise on those ones we are not soo keen on, or let the other know what it is, who knows, they may not even be aware they do it themselves..
Ahh, mistrust, well as has been said, its down to ones past experience, as so much of this is, but we must be prepared to give it, for do we not want to have our partner show that same level of trust to us..
As for looks, we all have our own personal taste and I certainly believe there is someone for everyone, (its just finding & meeting them that is the problem!! )
Without hope, I dare say not, for why would most of us be here!! (though there is the odd exception, like Smoky )
Fear for the future, well, yes that is there, but it is in all aspects of life, from the simple to the hardest decisions, but we must trust our own judgement and sometimes go out on a limb, for there is always that chance that what you hope for happens!!
Disappointments form past relations, Hmm.. I think that is down to the individual, as while I suspect we all began these with good intentions there are thousands of reasons as to why they came to an end, with some no doubt even being outwith our control.. As others say, its more about looking to the future and only using the past as a guide to ensure whatever occurred does not happen again..
High duties from the re-life, it depends ones beliefs, but again< I believe that to a certain degree, we control our destiny through the choices we make... just make sure they are good ones, its as simpe as that!!
As for searching for human contact rather than a real relationship, I really really hope not, for you are not only cheating yourself, but more importantly, the other person you are with!!
As for liking our loneliness, again its down to what one is looking for in a relationship as I know that some are quite content to have one where both parties do not essentially live together, but have their own home and know that each needs to have their own space, yet will also spend quality time together.. However there should be no anger involved, and if so, then they still have issues form their past to resolve and is something they should do.. (though that does not mean that one should not be open about ones past, for it shows us from what we perceive as our hardest & weakest point and displays a level of trust in the new person in our lives, and I also think it is good for us, but do not let it become the main topic, for in the past is where it should remain)..
And here's Frank's classic, enjoy.. P.S. the Final Curtain is a long, long way off!!
An interesting question you pose, but I would never compare it to a job as, for most, a job is a means to an end, but a relationship is much more, much more than that, (I hear Sinatra going round in my head now )..
I also find your words on the negative side, which leads me as follows:
Pre-damaged I'd say, like most, more experienced, like with work, and as others have said, hopefully that bit wiser for the future..
As for habits, well if its serious then I would hope both would be willing to compromise on those ones we are not soo keen on, or let the other know what it is, who knows, they may not even be aware they do it themselves..
Ahh, mistrust, well as has been said, its down to ones past experience, as so much of this is, but we must be prepared to give it, for do we not want to have our partner show that same level of trust to us..
As for looks, we all have our own personal taste and I certainly believe there is someone for everyone, (its just finding & meeting them that is the problem!! )
Without hope, I dare say not, for why would most of us be here!! (though there is the odd exception, like Smoky )
Fear for the future, well, yes that is there, but it is in all aspects of life, from the simple to the hardest decisions, but we must trust our own judgement and sometimes go out on a limb, for there is always that chance that what you hope for happens!!
Disappointments form past relations, Hmm.. I think that is down to the individual, as while I suspect we all began these with good intentions there are thousands of reasons as to why they came to an end, with some no doubt even being outwith our control.. As others say, its more about looking to the future and only using the past as a guide to ensure whatever occurred does not happen again..
High duties from the re-life, it depends ones beliefs, but again< I believe that to a certain degree, we control our destiny through the choices we make... just make sure they are good ones, its as simpe as that!!
As for searching for human contact rather than a real relationship, I really really hope not, for you are not only cheating yourself, but more importantly, the other person you are with!!
As for liking our loneliness, again its down to what one is looking for in a relationship as I know that some are quite content to have one where both parties do not essentially live together, but have their own home and know that each needs to have their own space, yet will also spend quality time together.. However there should be no anger involved, and if so, then they still have issues form their past to resolve and is something they should do.. (though that does not mean that one should not be open about ones past, for it shows us from what we perceive as our hardest & weakest point and displays a level of trust in the new person in our lives, and I also think it is good for us, but do not let it become the main topic, for in the past is where it should remain)..
And here's Frank's classic, enjoy.. P.S. the Final Curtain is a long, long way off!!
Yash....Please how in the name of sweet Jesus am I meant to keep my attention span going for all that..(4 lines or less)
More Threads
who shaped your life?
Trump Elementary
One more reason to vote Democrat....Arizona Supreme Court
Gal / sdarlagg passed away on April 10, 2024
See It All The Time
This is a thread that might become a poll..about charging everyone for membership but read!!!
Keep It Going!
So, . . .
Should CS charge EVERYone a fee to keep fake profiles and scammers out?
biggest lie
More Threads
Report threads that break rules, are offensive, or contain fighting. Staff may not be aware of the forum abuse, and cannot do anything about it unless you tell us about it. click to report forum abuse »
If one of the comments is offensive, please report the comment instead (there is a link in each comment to report it).
If one of the comments is offensive, please report the comment instead (there is a link in each comment to report it).
Stats for this Thread
1,333 Views
10 Comments
in EU Forums
Created: Oct 2011
Last Viewed: Apr 6
Last Commented: Oct 2011
0 Likes
Related Forums
- who shaped your life?
- Trump Elementary
- One more reason to vote Democrat....Arizona Supreme Court
- Gal / sdarlagg passed away on April 10, 2024
- See It All The Time
- This is a thread that might become a poll..about charging everyone for membership but read!!!
- Keep It Going!
- So, . . .
- Should CS charge EVERYone a fee to keep fake profiles and scammers out?
- biggest lie
Questioning myself why it's harder to get a partner than a job over 40.
In a Job you have become experienced.
For Partnership you are pre-damaged over 40 ?
Are there not some habits as reason to unmatch ?
Is it mistrust ?
Is our look not yet the best ?
Are we sometimes without hope ?
Do we fear our future ?
Are we disappointed from Partnership ?
Are there too high duties from the pre-life ?
Do we only search contact for not being alone but no real relation ?
Do we like our loneliness or are we angry to miss a real happy life ?