We were together from the ages of 24 to 36. We bought our first property together, raised a cat, emigrated together, embarked on so many adventures together. The chemistry was awesome, the intellectual wavelength too. Unfortunately we wanted different things in life and the love didn't last. I don't want him back, but am not bothered to replace him prefering to be single. I had relationships before him, none as long as with him. Can you ever feel the way you felt with your first love again or do you carry those memories with you to your death bed? Is any subsequent relationship you may have a poor second best?
missingLondon: We were together from the ages of 24 to 36. We bought our first property together, raised a cat, emigrated together, embarked on so many adventures together. The chemistry was awesome, the intellectual wavelength too. Unfortunately we wanted different things in life and the love didn't last. I don't want him back, but am not bothered to replace him prefering to be single. I had relationships before him, none as long as with him. Can you ever feel the way you felt with your first love again or do you carry those memories with you to your death bed? Is any subsequent relationship you may have a poor second best?
Yes you carry those memories with you to your death bed ... but in a good way ...
Subsequent relationships are NOT a poor second best ... they are just different because no 2 people are alike the combination of you and someone else will never be exactely the same as THAT ONE relationship, it'll just be different.
Some "things" will be even better, some won't. The things is not to focus on the "details" but on the overall balance.
I don't think we ever forget our first love, whether it is good or bad memories. I do think you can love another just as much though. The main thing is that you cannot let your past love affect any new love. By that I mean having any expectations of the new person compared to the old, not holding them to the old's standards.
EagleWoman: Yes you carry those memories with you to your death bed ... but in a good way ...
Subsequent relationships are NOT a poor second best ... they are just different because no 2 people are alike the combination of you and someone else will never be exactely the same as THAT ONE relationship, it'll just be different.
Some "things" will be even better, some won't. The things is not to focus on the "details" but on the overall balance.
Good thinking: In love no one can hurt anyone, everyone is responsible for what we feel and we can not blame someone else for it ... I've felt hurt when I lost the man I fell in love ... Today I am convinced that no one loses anyone, because no one has ... This is the true experience of being free, have the most important thing in the world without owning it.
ninamil: My first love is in a distant past, Hard to forget was my last
In my first marriage, I'm not sure we even loved each other at all. My second marriage is the one that I judge all my relationships by, because the love we have for each other was immense. Problem is, the better things are in a marriage, the harder the fall when things go south.
HuggerMan4U: In my first marriage, I'm not sure we even loved each other at all. My second marriage is the one that I judge all my relationships by, because the love we have for each other was immense. Problem is, the better things are in a marriage, the harder the fall when things go south.
To forget hurt, but do not to know what to do is the worst pain
missingLondon: We were together from the ages of 24 to 36. We bought our first property together, raised a cat, emigrated together, embarked on so many adventures together. The chemistry was awesome, the intellectual wavelength too. Unfortunately we wanted different things in life and the love didn't last. I don't want him back, but am not bothered to replace him prefering to be single. I had relationships before him, none as long as with him. Can you ever feel the way you felt with your first love again or do you carry those memories with you to your death bed? Is any subsequent relationship you may have a poor second best?
no - I really can'r relate -I do not want to replace my ex. Each new relationship has it's own merits. I would like something with deeper intimacy and sharing - more openess - less competitiveness less criticism than when I was married - more laughter and wild weekends between the sheets - that sort of thing
bestbeforesomewhere, Dorset, England UK4,701 posts
missingLondon: We were together from the ages of 24 to 36. We bought our first property together, raised a cat, emigrated together, embarked on so many adventures together. The chemistry was awesome, the intellectual wavelength too. Unfortunately we wanted different things in life and the love didn't last. I don't want him back, but am not bothered to replace him prefering to be single. I had relationships before him, none as long as with him. Can you ever feel the way you felt with your first love again or do you carry those memories with you to your death bed? Is any subsequent relationship you may have a poor second best?
Having seen many of your threads on this particular subject ,I personally don't think that you are over him,as you keep resurrecting the subject.
ninamil: Good thinking: In love no one can hurt anyone, everyone is responsible for what we feel and we can not blame someone else for it ... I've felt hurt when I lost the man I fell in love ... Today I am convinced that no one loses anyone, because no one has ... This is the true experience of being free, have the most important thing in the world without owning it.
Great post Nina!!! Difficult at times but but great wisdom!!
If you always hold on to it and dont let yourself let go then the others will be second mainly if you never let yourself truly commit because you still cant let the past,go I know,exactly how you feel im in thar transition now dorta ....good luck
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