how do i keep her ( Archived) (37)

leave her alone for a while she'll change her tune if not forget her

you can't keep anyone who doesn't want to be kept...I see red flags myself....when nothing you do is right makes me feel that you are being used for whatever the reason now that answer is from a stand off point of view ...not knowing all the facts or hearing her side of the story who really knows.. the only advice i would give you is to talk to her ..you both put your cards on the table.. your intentions ...it would help to be on the same page

Be yourself, stay true to your Self and let the chips fall where they may. You can't "make" someone stay with you, you can only treat them the way you would like to be treated and remember to respect her choices even if you don't like the outcome of the choices.
To love someone is to set them free.. and they may freely want to be with you.

You are on the spot and know the true situation, buy her little presents instead of being physically clinging and trust your own instincts.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that while you are in contact from a distance, she has some level of control. She can mail you back, pick up the phone, whatever, when she's ready.

When you're together for some reason she feels like she loses that control. She takes control back by pushing you away.

Now, there's two possibilities. Firstly, you are smothering her in which case she only gets to play a responsive role. You're not giving her enough space and time to feel comfortable enough to go to you. You need to be a bit cooler, a bit more relaxed, a bit more patient. Whatever you do, don't swap your current behaviour for another just as intrusive like giving her gifts. That says, "I've been nice to you, now you have to be nice back to me" and she'll feel just as smothered.

Secondly, most young couples are usually only too eager to smother each other in the first few weeks. It strikes me she's put the barriers up pretty damned early. Its possibly its all because you are a super-smotherer, but its also a possibility that she has some issue with proximity and feeling out of control within a relationship. She maybe needs to explore her side of things and resolve some stuff, too. She may not be consciously aware of this as she's too busy trying to put the barriers up for "safety".

I suspect it might be a mixture of her behaviour/feelings and yours.

If you went to an animal rescue centre, would you get in a dog's face and smother it? Or do you approach with caution so as not to appear like you are attacking? Some particularly nervous dogs you have to sit outside their kennel for days, or weeks before they will so much as poke their noses out.

D'you get my drift? Go in like an attack and you're going to get bitten. That'll be your fault for being an insensitive human, but also to do with the temperament of the dog.

Dude, if you aren't too clingy, forget about her power and control issues and get on over to the University of Michigan campus in Ann Arbor and find some receptive/reciprocating types more compatible with you.

" Love is like a butterfly, when persued it is always just out of reach, but sit very still and it will enlighten upon you


In other words.... back off a little,

Wow...I like that !