Kindness ( Archived) (958)

hi jeeepers, just thinking about you. and just in case you're checking on the kindness thread...wanted to let you know i did make a couple folks smile today. and if you're reading this, i know you're smiling too. you're in my heart forever buddy. love you with my pants on. xo. jono

Dear Buddy,

I feel guilty being in your Kindness thread Buddy. In fact, since I heard of your passing, I have felt guilty everytime I cry. You know why don't you. We had a misunderstanding and ever since then I've felt so bad that I never spoke to you again. We never reconciled our misunderstanding. You know how much I cared and worried about you but it doesn't make up for those few little words we shared does it.

I just logged onto CS and the first thread I saw was this one. Usually when I logged on late at night I would find a card from you. There was always something...a card, an email a flower, a smile. Just something to show that you were thinking of me. Then I would send something funny back to you and we laughed. I'm not doing any smiling these days my friend, hardly anybody on CS is smiling that knew you, but they are trying to honor your wish.

I debated if I should write this letter because I didn't want the CS members to know what I'm saying but it's the only way I can pour my heart out to you. I know the other members will wonder what happended and will probably be annoyed with me. I can't help how they perceive my love letter.

I should have contacted you again but I was afraid to in fear that you would still be angry with me. We said we would take a break for awhile but the "awhile" became forever and we never emailed again I never resolved our issues.

I contacted one of your friends to find out how you were doing but they never responsed to me. That's okay, I understand. That person was probably angry at me too. It's very difficult to live with regrets. One day my husband wouldn't give our daughter a kiss and I told him God would punish him. Two months later he died. I will go to my grave regretting what I said to him. And now I can add our conversation to the list of regrets.

I was talking to someone in email today about you and they told me they had a Vocaroo message from you. I asked them to send it to me if they didn't mind because I wanted to hear your voice. Another regret that I never vocarooed with you.

I wish I could talk to you to tell you how sorry I am. I'll never know if you were mad at me when you went on your journey with your blue butterfly. I'll never know if you forgave me.

A letter asking forgiveness too late. I'm sorry Buddy, I truly am sorry...

With Much Love,
Monte..

Dear Monte...
Your letter touched me to tears. I can only imagine your sadness, but I can assure you that Buddy never held a grudge...ever. I talked to him for two years and we also had a misunderstanding at one time. And when we spoke again, it was like it had never happened. Just because you did not reconnect does not mean he stopped loving you...it was just not in his nature. If you believe in an afterlife as I do, I know you two will have a beautiful relationship again....you are both wonderful, loving people. I share your sadness....

Monte I did try to send a message to you but I could not.

Here is an extract of it.

Monte do not feel sad for anything.
Jeepers was (is) a loving person.

FOR MONTE

As you know Monte, buddy and i were close. and i can assure you he was not angry with you. i know this for a fact. and as others have said, buddy did not hang on to anger. so please stop punishing yourself. and i wanted to let you know, and others, as i received several emails asking about buddy..i was honoring buddy's requests to keep things private. something i think any friend would do for another.

something else i know, is that buddy wanted folks to keep smiling, and he wanted folks to keep sharing their kindness stories, and that's why he posted what he did.
so let's keep this thread going with kindness stories for buddy.