What the heck should i do?? (8)

Mar 28, 2012 9:04 AM CST What the heck should i do??
spitr015
spitr015spitr015Mosta, Majjistral Malta1 Threads 17 Posts
Hi all,

I know this site is for singles only... but before i used to be single too :)

I met my present gf when we were both in other relationships. but fate brought us together and after some months sweating it out, we ended our relationships and we took off together.

Well, i've been going out with this girl for about a year and 2 months and i love her to bits! I even feel butterflies every time i'm off to meet her. i've been invited in their house and all of that family stuff so i'm ok with her family and she's ok with mine.

However, recently, i'm realizing that shehas a tendency to lie about some things... small things mind you, but still lies. i know we didn;t start the relationship on the right foot by cheating on our previous partners but i just let everything go and gave this relationship my full as i was convinced this is the one for me.

an example of a lie was... i would like to meet her friends, which she normally meets from time to time. her friends know about me and all that. apparently, they invited her to go out together with their partners.. my gf never told me anything, and i got to know that she's inventing excuses to her friends that she cannot meet them. when i got to know, she was all excuses like... there was never an invitation, they wanted her alone (not with partners) it's been cancelled, etc...

I really gave my all in this relationship and would like me and her to be real open on all things, an impression she gave me from long time ago... and i trusted her with my eyes closed. however, i'm not sure how to take this little mishap and some other minor ones before this... which she doesn';t know i know about.

I love this person a lot!... and am willing to let it pass and forget it completely just not to ruin our relationship. but in the future, will it come back to haunt me just cos i didn;t take any action right now?

And for all you wiseguys who will say "move on", you know how difficult it is to just move on after working so much for something, and then letting it slip away for something which might be nothing at all.
Mar 29, 2012 10:59 AM CST What the heck should i do??
In the final Analysis it is up to you if you want to live a Life surrounded by Deception!
Do some Soulsearching and really think about what you want!
Mar 29, 2012 12:06 PM CST What the heck should i do??
morgenulv
morgenulvmorgenulvoslo, Oslo Norway4 Threads 3 Polls 142 Posts
This is what i suggest you do.
Take a period of time, some months, and in that time try work on just those issues that seems to be her "block". If you are not allowed propor access to her friends then that is something wrong. We (you) speculate to the reason. Instead of that i suggest you to try get that access. THEN if that don't work then eventually you must talk the two of you. If on the other hand it works out then it's no problem to adress no more.

I don't always think talking is the right tool to grab first but it must be reached for if needed. Try fixing it by practical means first. Trust her a while longer till some of the problems start to resolve by this practical method. If it dosen't, then you have more exsamples to point if you have to take it up.

Give peace a chance.

If bad english it's cos i speak norwenglish. lol
Mar 30, 2012 3:52 AM CST What the heck should i do??
spitr015
spitr015spitr015Mosta, Majjistral Malta1 Threads 17 Posts
Thanks a lot people...

I think i'll just let everything pass, and work on the present and the future. we all have our little secrets i suppose. everyone is entitled to his/her own privacy and to his/her own reasons for doing things or taking decisions.

I won;t forget anything though... it will be let's say, a help to open my eyes a bit more about any situation we might be in. i'll keep it for future reference and to maybe understand more her way of reasoning.

if anything similar comes to light, then i will surely talk to her diplomatically of course, but for the time being, i'll let bygones be bygones.

Thanks again
Mar 30, 2012 3:59 AM CST What the heck should i do??
spitr015
spitr015spitr015Mosta, Majjistral Malta1 Threads 17 Posts
morgenulv: This is what i suggest you do.
Take a period of time, some months, and in that time try work on just those issues that seems to be her "block". If you are not allowed propor access to her friends then that is something wrong. We (you) speculate to the reason. Instead of that i suggest you to try get that access. THEN if that don't work then eventually you must talk the two of you. If on the other hand it works out then it's no problem to adress no more.

I don't always think talking is the right tool to grab first but it must be reached for if needed. Try fixing it by practical means first. Trust her a while longer till some of the problems start to resolve by this practical method. If it dosen't, then you have more exsamples to point if you have to take it up.

Give peace a chance.

If bad english it's cos i speak norwenglish. lol


Your norwenglish is perfect :)
Just wanted to say that i think the same way as you... talking shouldn't be always the first course of action... as once i had quite an embarressing experience. i was going out with a girl, and for some reason i suspected she was not where she told me she was. i confronted her the next day and asked what the lying was all about as everything was going quite smoothly... so lying should be the last thing that should be happening between us.

It turned out that she was organizing a surprise party for my birthday and i was so ashamed for blurting out my thoughts!

I think that sometimes, it's far better to study the person and THEN make up your own opinion about everything, after it has kinda died down. for each, his own i guess.
Mar 30, 2012 8:25 AM CST What the heck should i do??
venere08
venere08venere08Puglia and Autumn, South Australia Australia121 Threads 2 Polls 9,996 Posts
spitr015: Thanks a lot people...

I think i'll just let everything pass, and work on the present and the future. we all have our little secrets i suppose. everyone is entitled to his/her own privacy and to his/her own reasons for doing things or taking decisions.

I won;t forget anything though... it will be let's say, a help to open my eyes a bit more about any situation we might be in. i'll keep it for future reference and to maybe understand more her way of reasoning.

if anything similar comes to light, then i will surely talk to her diplomatically of course, but for the time being, i'll let bygones be bygones.

Thanks again


It seems clear that the benefits outweigh the downside, that is, your g/f's capacity to lie quite brazenly.

We all have our little secrets, you say? Well, I guess you can expect many more over time with this person. It's in her nature.

I note a contradiction in your post. On the one hand, you say want to just let everything pass. On the other, that you will keep it for future reference - Perhaps you're not letting it pass at all.JMO.

All the best though.wine
Mar 30, 2012 9:47 AM CST What the heck should i do??
immanuelle
immanuelleimmanuelleThe Hague, South Holland Netherlands63 Threads 1,962 Posts
spitr015: Your norwenglish is perfect :)
Just wanted to say that i think the same way as you... talking shouldn't be always the first course of action... as once i had quite an embarressing experience. i was going out with a girl, and for some reason i suspected she was not where she told me she was. i confronted her the next day and asked what the lying was all about as everything was going quite smoothly... so lying should be the last thing that should be happening between us.

It turned out that she was organizing a surprise party for my birthday and i was so ashamed for blurting out my thoughts!

I think that sometimes, it's far better to study the person and THEN make up your own opinion about everything, after it has kinda died down. for each, his own i guess.


Dear Sir,

I suspect that knowing where your girlfriend is and what she is doing when she is away from you is very very important to you, even if things are going smoothly in the relationship. You should share this need of yours with your current girlfriend so that she understands it. It may be difficult for her to accept, but obviously it is important to you. Talk about it with her. Perchance you also need to learn to trust a bit more and not always assume the worst. Hope it works out for you both.
Mar 30, 2012 10:59 AM CST What the heck should i do??
Phoenix
PhoenixPhoenixBelfast....., Antrim Ireland274 Threads 65 Polls 6,948 Posts
Fella..I've kinda half followed this thread. As the bottom line is 'you've flipped' over her..Basically in laymans terms means you've snookered yourself (it happens to the best of us<---trust me I'm wearing the T-shirt too)...

But when you are together, she's havbing breakfast with you..And that's all that counts.
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