Communication in Dating and Marriage. (23)
I use common sense.
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I try to avoid blame and accusations or back biting of any kind
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Nikogas: What do you do to Communicate?? do you work things out or just keep it to yourself to avoid conflict?? Have you ever thought about learning a way to Communicate with your potential wife or girlfriend???
Have you heard of TA?? Transactional Analysis? Eric Berne wrote a book titled "Games People Play" in the 1960's. It is a small but great book to lay down a way to communicate clearly and to recognize defined "games" that most likely are being repeated from relationship over and over. OK. that's the topic, Communication. Lets do our best.
Nikogas
Nope...Have you heard of TA?? Transactional Analysis? Eric Berne wrote a book titled "Games People Play" in the 1960's. It is a small but great book to lay down a way to communicate clearly and to recognize defined "games" that most likely are being repeated from relationship over and over. OK. that's the topic, Communication. Lets do our best.
Nikogas
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Maybe we should try not to analyze too much and just go with our instinct 
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OK, so, what about things like "Eye contact" voice verses typing??? The ability to see "Body Language" and hear the tone of the person you are talking to. They say the eyes tell a lot. I know that in this day and age all these options are not always readily available but in a serious and important discussion between a couple what do you think of these factors??
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At the moment, I'm in a relationship with someone who finds it VERY difficult to communicate on any sort of intimate level. I've nearly broke it off on several occasions because of this, because the lack of connection this places on us.
You have a very good point about communication being important, and I applaud your efforts to relay that importance. Anyone whose experienced the frustrations of not being able to fully understand their partner's wants or needs on a more than surface level can appreciate the value of someone who really tries to find a way.
You have a very good point about communication being important, and I applaud your efforts to relay that importance. Anyone whose experienced the frustrations of not being able to fully understand their partner's wants or needs on a more than surface level can appreciate the value of someone who really tries to find a way.
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AnnBrown: At the moment, I'm in a relationship with someone who finds it VERY difficult to communicate on any sort of intimate level. I've nearly broke it off on several occasions because of this, because the lack of connection this places on us.
You have a very good point about communication being important, and I applaud your efforts to relay that importance. Anyone whose experienced the frustrations of not being able to fully understand their partner's wants or needs on a more than surface level can appreciate the value of someone who really tries to find a way.
You have a very good point about communication being important, and I applaud your efforts to relay that importance. Anyone whose experienced the frustrations of not being able to fully understand their partner's wants or needs on a more than surface level can appreciate the value of someone who really tries to find a way.
I'm not sure if real affection or passion is something that can be learnt, like an act from a play.
You either have it naturally or you just don't....
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RDM59: I'm not sure if real affection or passion is something that can be learnt, like an act from a play.
You either have it naturally or you just don't....
You either have it naturally or you just don't....
Yes, I tend to agree with you. The problem, of course, is the gap between you only grows wider and if it can't be bridged, it won't work. It becomes a question of settling vs being truly in love. Being truly in love has a sort of freedom to it, where settling is a sort of agreement. At least, to me it seems that way.
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I have learnt that to communicate you must talk to each other.
My marriage fell apart due to the both of us not talking and communicating with each other.
In my current relationship we set aside a time each week where we have some alone time (no kids around) to just sit and talk.
Sometimes its just asking the other how their day has been,what they have been up too,whatever.
Other times it might be a deep,meaningful conversation.It works for us and this is the happiest relationship ive ever been in.
My marriage fell apart due to the both of us not talking and communicating with each other.
In my current relationship we set aside a time each week where we have some alone time (no kids around) to just sit and talk.
Sometimes its just asking the other how their day has been,what they have been up too,whatever.
Other times it might be a deep,meaningful conversation.It works for us and this is the happiest relationship ive ever been in.
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AnnBrown: At the moment, I'm in a relationship with someone
Obvious question here... why does your profile say you are looking for Dating then?
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Nikogas: OK, so, what about things like "Eye contact" voice verses typing??? The ability to see "Body Language" and hear the tone of the person you are talking to. They say the eyes tell a lot. I know that in this day and age all these options are not always readily available but in a serious and important discussion between a couple what do you think of these factors??
it depends on the people and the nature of the discussion - some times people are too concerned with their own agenda to be conciously aware of things like body language. it doesn;t hurt to say something like- I see you looking away - are you tired of this conversation? Or - your arms are crossed - are you feeling defensive?
but I wouldn't assume their body lang. did mean those things.
hearing someone's voice tone can make a huge difference in a misunderstanding that has occured via messaging
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AnnBrown: Yes, I tend to agree with you. The problem, of course, is the gap between you only grows wider and if it can't be bridged, it won't work. It becomes a question of settling vs being truly in love. Being truly in love has a sort of freedom to it, where settling is a sort of agreement. At least, to me it seems that way.
it does sound as though he has erected a barrier
I have had the opposite problem where I end up the friend they want to talk to because they get tongue tied around the "beauties" they want to sleep with. It has made me a little difficult on a personal level -but it happens because I have been easy to talk to ... in the past - not so much now
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MADDOG69: Obvious question here... why does your profile say you are looking for Dating then?
You're right. My appologies; I haven't been here for a long time and I forgot to change that. I'll do so. Just here for forums and to post some poetry...
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felixis99: it does sound as though he has erected a barrier
I have had the opposite problem where I end up the friend they want to talk to because they get tongue tied around the "beauties" they want to sleep with. It has made me a little difficult on a personal level -but it happens because I have been easy to talk to ... in the past - not so much now
I have had the opposite problem where I end up the friend they want to talk to because they get tongue tied around the "beauties" they want to sleep with. It has made me a little difficult on a personal level -but it happens because I have been easy to talk to ... in the past - not so much now
I hear you on that. I'm starting to think we're better as good friends, and at this point, I might be ok with that. It does make you uncomfortable after a while the never knowing, like walking on egg shells - you end up holding yourself back. Not healthy.
But I hope for you much better! I do believe we can find our true companions in life at a time when we're really ready to.
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Nikogas: What do you do to Communicate?? do you work things out or just keep it to yourself to avoid conflict?? Have you ever thought about learning a way to Communicate with your potential wife or girlfriend???
Have you heard of TA?? Transactional Analysis? Eric Berne wrote a book titled "Games People Play" in the 1960's. It is a small but great book to lay down a way to communicate clearly and to recognize defined "games" that most likely are being repeated from relationship over and over. OK. that's the topic, Communication. Lets do our best.
Nikogas
Have you heard of TA?? Transactional Analysis? Eric Berne wrote a book titled "Games People Play" in the 1960's. It is a small but great book to lay down a way to communicate clearly and to recognize defined "games" that most likely are being repeated from relationship over and over. OK. that's the topic, Communication. Lets do our best.
Nikogas
hiya niko-B
so much of any type of relationship is communication, isn't it?
i'm a work in progess....with lotsa room for improvement.
i think sitting down together and discussing, even difficult issues is critical.
there's only two ways...
work it out, or act it out...yanno?
i know it's important to listen as well. i tend to get all defensive at times, and interrupt, and bathe myself in my denial and self righteousness...
but when i get past that, and stop judging..
on a good day, i actually hear some stuff....and learn quite a bit...(grin)
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AnnBrown: I hear you on that. I'm starting to think we're better as good friends, and at this point, I might be ok with that. It does make you uncomfortable after a while the never knowing, like walking on egg shells - you end up holding yourself back. Not healthy.
But I hope for you much better! I do believe we can find our true companions in life at a time when we're really ready to.
But I hope for you much better! I do believe we can find our true companions in life at a time when we're really ready to.
well it takes some longer than others to realize that what they seek is not always just to feed their visual sense - here's to both of you to find the one you each can communicate well with even if it's not each other!
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AnnBrown: At the moment, I'm in a relationship with someone who finds it VERY difficult to communicate on any sort of intimate level. I've nearly broke it off on several occasions because of this, because the lack of connection this places on us.
You have a very good point about communication being important, and I applaud your efforts to relay that importance. Anyone whose experienced the frustrations of not being able to fully understand their partner's wants or needs on a more than surface level can appreciate the value of someone who really tries to find a way.
You have a very good point about communication being important, and I applaud your efforts to relay that importance. Anyone whose experienced the frustrations of not being able to fully understand their partner's wants or needs on a more than surface level can appreciate the value of someone who really tries to find a way.
Yes, it is very unfortunate when people choose not to communicate of maybe even worse is to deceive. I implore you to check out that reading I mentioned, there is another book by 2 women that took Eric Berne as a Mentor,,they wrote a book titled "Born to Win" , and yes, of course all these things can be learned, all one has to do is to empty out a place for the things they are learning. Thanks for the post, if you want to add more don't let anybody stop you. I don't know why that anyone felt they needed to challenge you here but it seems that even communication is taboo to those that will remain ignorant and afraid to see the world around them.
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RDM59: I'm not sure if real affection or passion is something that can be learnt, like an act from a play.
You either have it naturally or you just don't....
You either have it naturally or you just don't....
I am not sure why you make this about affection and passion. To Communicate is simply that two people can understand each other and then at different levels I suppose. I don't think anyone is suggesting to "learn" passion or affection. So here it is ok,,,anyone can "Have it" they might actually need to empty the things they have been doing so as to learn though. But it is available to all people, young and old, and of all nations.
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jono7: hiya niko-B
so much of any type of relationship is communication, isn't it?
i'm a work in progess....with lotsa room for improvement.
i think sitting down together and discussing, even difficult issues is critical.
there's only two ways...
work it out, or act it out...yanno?
i know it's important to listen as well. i tend to get all defensive at times, and interrupt, and bathe myself in my denial and self righteousness...
but when i get past that, and stop judging..
on a good day, i actually hear some stuff....and learn quite a bit...(grin)
so much of any type of relationship is communication, isn't it?
i'm a work in progess....with lotsa room for improvement.
i think sitting down together and discussing, even difficult issues is critical.
there's only two ways...
work it out, or act it out...yanno?
i know it's important to listen as well. i tend to get all defensive at times, and interrupt, and bathe myself in my denial and self righteousness...
but when i get past that, and stop judging..
on a good day, i actually hear some stuff....and learn quite a bit...(grin)
Hi Jono, Listening and "selective" listening is very important to be aware of. It sounds like you have a path you are on already. So I will just say "Hi"
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Created: Jun 2012
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Have you heard of TA?? Transactional Analysis? Eric Berne wrote a book titled "Games People Play" in the 1960's. It is a small but great book to lay down a way to communicate clearly and to recognize defined "games" that most likely are being repeated from relationship over and over. OK. that's the topic, Communication. Lets do our best.
Nikogas