hard heart (24)
mabuto49port maquarie, New South Wales Australia3 Threads 11 PostsHi ,, id like some input to this ,,, , Im in a relationship with a wonderful lady ,, when i say relationship i mean , im in love with her , but she doesnt feel she can open her heart ,, we have a great time together ,, do simple thing ,, cuddle ,kiss ,, have even been intimate on one occassion ,, but ifind it hard to get her to open up , she has been abused before n hasnt been with a man for 8 years ,, i know this is something i should and do respect ,but i know i am a good fella ,, i just cant get into her heart ,, we have only been , friends , for 7 months , not a long time ,, but i know what i want ,, her ,, she says she loves me ,, just not in that way ,,,, w t f ,, help
mabuto49: Hi ,, id like some input to this ,,, , Im in a relationship with a wonderful lady ,, when i say relationship i mean , im in love with her , but she doesnt feel she can open her heart ,, we have a great time together ,, do simple thing ,, cuddle ,kiss ,, have even been intimate on one occassion ,, but ifind it hard to get her to open up , she has been abused before n hasnt been with a man for 8 years ,, i know this is something i should and do respect ,but i know i am a good fella ,, i just cant get into her heart ,, we have only been , friends , for 7 months , not a long time ,, but i know what i want ,, her ,, she says she loves me ,, just not in that way ,,,, w t f ,, help
It's just as she is telling you she just wants to be friends nothing more if you cannot handle that then it's time to move on JMO! Moving on will help you get over your
quicker there's heaps of women out there who would like to be in a relationship. Good luck [
Curly has given you some good advice and its spot on'she is just trying to let you down gently....just respect her decision and move on.
Martia: Curly has given you some good advice and its spot on'she is just trying to let you down gently....just respect her decision and move on.
Hi! Martia nice photo of you
Totally agree with what the girls have said .Its time to move on .You've tried for 7 months that should have told you something .
Plenty of more fish in the sea mate move along.
Plenty of more fish in the sea mate move along.
It's a tricky one
Usually if someone doesn't love you in 'that way' that should be enough to tell you 'she is just not that into you'??
Buuuuut as you say, she has been in an abusive relationship and maybe testing you out - and finding it hard to trust someone?
Personally, if I loved someone and they didn't return that love - I couldn't be around them? But that's me.
It's in your court mate.
mabuto49: Hi ,, id like some input to this ,,, , Im in a relationship with a wonderful lady ,, when i say relationship i mean , im in love with her , but she doesnt feel she can open her heart ,, we have a great time together ,, do simple thing ,, cuddle ,kiss ,, have even been intimate on one occassion ,, but ifind it hard to get her to open up , she has been abused before n hasnt been with a man for 8 years ,, i know this is something i should and do respect ,but i know i am a good fella ,, i just cant get into her heart ,, we have only been , friends , for 7 months , not a long time ,, but i know what i want ,, her ,, she says she loves me ,, just not in that way ,,,, w t f ,, help
It appears she loves you, as a friend, but she's not IN love with you, she said so herself with the 'just not in that way'.
I tend to agree with the others who feel it's just not gonna happen and if you're waiting around for her to change her mind, it's possible that you will miss out on the one who WILL love you .. 'in that way'.
Stop tearing yourself up and move on
i don't know about the "I'm in love" part, some times perhaps means something more like "i need you" which is actually akin to seeking fulfillment of ones own desires, rather than two people "just being".
To my mind "I'm in love" also likely infers a preconceived idea of a persons roll in any future relationship based on some aspects that he or she has missing in there own self.
Maybe a relationship entails acceptance of good and bad, both having first accepted that before being together could work out.
But of course i don't know what it takes or i'd be partnered already, mee actually thinks its all a fib...and expectations breeds more suffering...
To my mind "I'm in love" also likely infers a preconceived idea of a persons roll in any future relationship based on some aspects that he or she has missing in there own self.
Maybe a relationship entails acceptance of good and bad, both having first accepted that before being together could work out.
But of course i don't know what it takes or i'd be partnered already, mee actually thinks its all a fib...and expectations breeds more suffering...
mabuto49: Hi ,, id like some input to this ,,, , Im in a relationship with a wonderful lady ,, when i say relationship i mean , im in love with her , but she doesnt feel she can open her heart ,, we have a great time together ,, do simple thing ,, cuddle ,kiss ,, have even been intimate on one occassion ,, but ifind it hard to get her to open up , she has been abused before n hasnt been with a man for 8 years ,, i know this is something i should and do respect ,but i know i am a good fella ,, i just cant get into her heart ,, we have only been , friends , for 7 months , not a long time ,, but i know what i want ,, her ,, she says she loves me ,, just not in that way ,,,, w t f ,, help
They normally drag me off to bed on the first night, then three months down the track they tell me that they don’t like smokers? Move on as there are more single women than men around, and they all claim that they are looking for the good ones? Unfortunately there are too many nut jobs out there! That don’t know what they want they just don’t want too be alone, you can always stay friends but after 7 months she is just holding you back till she finds someone better, I have got girlfriends from the net that are just friends and have stayed that way for years, but often if your friends aren’t that into you or you are not that into them maybe one of her single friends may find you her type ? I have seen lots of friends off friends get it together, after all single people normally hangout with other single people!
Good luck in the meantime finding someone that is into you!
mabuto49: Hi ,, id like some input to this ,,, , Im in a relationship with a wonderful lady ,, when i say relationship i mean , im in love with her , but she doesnt feel she can open her heart ,, we have a great time together ,, do simple thing ,, cuddle ,kiss ,, have even been intimate on one occassion ,, but ifind it hard to get her to open up , she has been abused before n hasnt been with a man for 8 years ,, i know this is something i should and do respect ,but i know i am a good fella ,, i just cant get into her heart ,, we have only been , friends , for 7 months , not a long time ,, but i know what i want ,, her ,, she says she loves me ,, just not in that way ,,,, w t f ,, help
Hi Mabuto,
Well, from where I see it, the fact that she has not opened her heart to any man for many years speaks volumes in itself.
Clearly she has something to overcome within herself... and if she is still allowing you to 'court' her, then something clearly is there, but you need to be patient ... Jmo
Eight years versus 7 months, give the lass a break... she needs to sort out herself first, and all you can do is be a friend at this stage..
mabuto49: Hi ,, id like some input to this ,,, , Im in a relationship with a wonderful lady ,, when i say relationship i mean , im in love with her , but she doesnt feel she can open her heart ,, we have a great time together ,, do simple thing ,, cuddle ,kiss ,, have even been intimate on one occassion ,, but ifind it hard to get her to open up , she has been abused before n hasnt been with a man for 8 years ,, i know this is something i should and do respect ,but i know i am a good fella ,, i just cant get into her heart ,, we have only been , friends , for 7 months , not a long time ,, but i know what i want ,, her ,, she says she loves me ,, just not in that way ,,,, w t f ,, help
she has to deal with the abusive past before she can move forward, you cannot do that for her, she has to WANT to do it for herself, not for anyone else.
If she wants a relationship she has to learn to trust, to open herself up to possibility of being hurt.... again.
you have to decide how much do you put your life on hold to allow her to make her decisions to stay where she is or to move forward.
Sadly, it may be the case, that all she might ever to be able to offer you in the future is friendship, is that enough for you?
If it isnt enough for your future it is time to move on.
good luck
Give her Time shes healing , your helping .
jem1964: she has to deal with the abusive past before she can move forward, you cannot do that for her, she has to WANT to do it for herself, not for anyone else.
If she wants a relationship she has to learn to trust, to open herself up to possibility of being hurt.... again.
you have to decide how much do you put your life on hold to allow her to make her decisions to stay where she is or to move forward.
Sadly, it may be the case, that all she might ever to be able to offer you in the future is friendship, is that enough for you?
If it isnt enough for your future it is time to move on.
good luck
If she wants a relationship she has to learn to trust, to open herself up to possibility of being hurt.... again.
you have to decide how much do you put your life on hold to allow her to make her decisions to stay where she is or to move forward.
Sadly, it may be the case, that all she might ever to be able to offer you in the future is friendship, is that enough for you?
If it isnt enough for your future it is time to move on.
good luck
Not sure about the moving on bit. Sometimes it is the "good friend" bit that can spark the future. But if it is only the 'good frined' bit, maybe you 2 can enjoy some type of future together and who knows what will happen.
Just do not pin yourself to a fading star if that is what it is. But never give up because you never know what may come. If it comes down to the 'never in my lifetime' then you know it is time to move on.
Well, the last relationship being abusive, maybe she can't let her walls down. JMO. Which is very understandable, be patient.
Maybe just ask her straight out if she thinks you might have a future together down the track? 
She might come straight out and say 'no' then at least you know where you stand??
You don't want to hang around long enough for you to support her, help her - then she goes and falls in love with the guy at work???
She might come straight out and say 'no' then at least you know where you stand??
You don't want to hang around long enough for you to support her, help her - then she goes and falls in love with the guy at work???
Carl96190: Move on. This woman is obviously damaged and has issues. Life is difficult enough without taking on board someone who has those sort of problems.
Are you projecting again?
Everybody deserves a chance, even you...maybe.
Mabuto... Only the lady in question can answer these questions. Anyone else is going to be projecting from personal experience, or lack thereof...
I wish you luck with your relationship.
I wish you luck with your relationship.
Carl96190: Move on. This woman is obviously damaged and has issues. Life is difficult enough without taking on board someone who has those sort of problems.
Carl ,Carl, Carl. You opened up a bit on another post about the damage your schooling did to you. Should we give up on you too?
Seriously, we all have our "damage" bits, some take a while to get over them, some never.
I have been out with a couple of women who have been married to abusive drunks. So whenever they managed to drive me somewhere, I would have a few drinks and this had them worried because of what they went through. But not all people who drink are abusers, abusers can be sober people as well. And they did tell me that while they were worried at first about me having a few, they realised that not every drinker is an abuser or violent.
So Mabuto, you may not end up having a lifetime together sharing as closely as you want but maybe you can still have that friedship.
In my experience, unfortunately, emotions are not rational Carl. I have never been able to turn my feelings on or off. I'm sure everyone has been on either side of this situation at one time or another in their lives. When you feel deeply for someone and they don't return your feelings, it is painful and very difficult to walk away from. Not a good position to be in. 
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