What are the "rules" for dating/relationships/marriage with a person with a serious illness? (13)
if the illness could have a negative impact on the relationship,then yes it should be disclosed from the start.best of luck
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There are no rules that I'm aware of. Each one of the questions that you asked gets a "it depends" answer.
If a person has chronic bronchitis, then that is obviously a different matter from having HIV, etc.
If a person plans to have children, then that's another matter again.
Is it right to end a relationship because of an illness: Is it the person with the illness asking or the person who suspects another to be ill asking.
As to fairness... honesty is the only fair thing, no matter what. That is just m.o.
If a person has chronic bronchitis, then that is obviously a different matter from having HIV, etc.
If a person plans to have children, then that's another matter again.
Is it right to end a relationship because of an illness: Is it the person with the illness asking or the person who suspects another to be ill asking.
As to fairness... honesty is the only fair thing, no matter what. That is just m.o.
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benni2: if the illness could have a negative impact on the relationship,then yes it should be disclosed from the start.best of luck
There will most likely be some tough times ahead and hard decisions to be made but the potential pros would probably outweigh the potential cons.------ This thread is Archived ------
online today!online today!pisceslady7Kincumber nr. Gosford, New South Wales Australia21 Threads 4 Polls 1,910 PostsIn my profile I stated that I gave up my full-time teaching position (and went to part-time coaching as well as writing educational materials) due to a health issue. To me it was important to include this.
That being said, I am not dying, it is not contagious and I did not say what the issue was. I just let people know it can have an impact on what I am able to do. This gives men a heads-up from the start.
I don't believe that it is right to NOT let people know if your friendship has developed into a possible relationship and the illness may affect your present/future together. However, I do believe in honesty and telling people when you feel the time is right and before emotions become too intense to not have the issue have an impact.
I was deeply in love with a wonderful man who loved me regardless and he was very healthy and able. We worked around my health issue and it worked for us. Sadly, he was later diagnosed with mesothelioma (asbestos cancer) and passed away.
No-one knows what is around the corner, however, for myself....if you have an illness or health issue when you meet the person and feelings start to develop, honesty is important.
I wish you well
That being said, I am not dying, it is not contagious and I did not say what the issue was. I just let people know it can have an impact on what I am able to do. This gives men a heads-up from the start.
I don't believe that it is right to NOT let people know if your friendship has developed into a possible relationship and the illness may affect your present/future together. However, I do believe in honesty and telling people when you feel the time is right and before emotions become too intense to not have the issue have an impact.
I was deeply in love with a wonderful man who loved me regardless and he was very healthy and able. We worked around my health issue and it worked for us. Sadly, he was later diagnosed with mesothelioma (asbestos cancer) and passed away.
No-one knows what is around the corner, however, for myself....if you have an illness or health issue when you meet the person and feelings start to develop, honesty is important.
I wish you well
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Scubadiva: There are no rules that I'm aware of. Each one of the questions that you asked gets a "it depends" answer.
If a person has chronic bronchitis, then that is obviously a different matter from having HIV, etc.
If a person plans to have children, then that's another matter again.
Is it right to end a relationship because of an illness: Is it the person with the illness asking or the person who suspects another to be ill asking.
As to fairness... honesty is the only fair thing, no matter what. That is just m.o.
Yes I agree it does depend on how serious it is. Lets just say it is serious but not as serious as HIV. Sorry to be so vague but I would like to keep this as a general discussion and get different opinions.If a person has chronic bronchitis, then that is obviously a different matter from having HIV, etc.
If a person plans to have children, then that's another matter again.
Is it right to end a relationship because of an illness: Is it the person with the illness asking or the person who suspects another to be ill asking.
As to fairness... honesty is the only fair thing, no matter what. That is just m.o.
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pisceslady7: In my profile I stated that I gave up my full-time teaching position (and went to part-time coaching as well as writing educational materials) due to a health issue. To me it was important to include this.
That being said, I am not dying, it is not contagious and I did not say what the issue was. I just let people know it can have an impact on what I am able to do. This gives men a heads-up from the start.
I don't believe that it is right to NOT let people know if your friendship has developed into a possible relationship and the illness may affect your present/future together. However, I do believe in honesty and telling people when you feel the time is right and before emotions become too intense to not have the issue have an impact.
I was deeply in love with a wonderful man who loved me regardless and he was very healthy and able. We worked around my health issue and it worked for us. Sadly, he was later diagnosed with mesothelioma (asbestos cancer) and passed away.
No-one knows what is around the corner, however, for myself....if you have an illness or health issue when you meet the person and feelings start to develop, honesty is important.
I wish you well
I am sorry to hear about your loss. Your experience highlights my point exactly.That being said, I am not dying, it is not contagious and I did not say what the issue was. I just let people know it can have an impact on what I am able to do. This gives men a heads-up from the start.
I don't believe that it is right to NOT let people know if your friendship has developed into a possible relationship and the illness may affect your present/future together. However, I do believe in honesty and telling people when you feel the time is right and before emotions become too intense to not have the issue have an impact.
I was deeply in love with a wonderful man who loved me regardless and he was very healthy and able. We worked around my health issue and it worked for us. Sadly, he was later diagnosed with mesothelioma (asbestos cancer) and passed away.
No-one knows what is around the corner, however, for myself....if you have an illness or health issue when you meet the person and feelings start to develop, honesty is important.
I wish you well
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I'm not aware that there are any rules. Each case is different, and has to be taken on its own merits. I think honesty is important, but I don't think everything needs to be told right away. It depends on how serious it is, and whether it will affect the relationship. For example, my last ex married a sailor, who contracted a malarial disease which affected his ability to perform. They were together 5 years. He died 4 years after my ex married me. In a case like that, it was an issue that would affect being able to make love, so it was obviously important to make it known. On the other hand, I have certain eye problems. Why would that be important to mention right off the bat, since it couldn't possibly affect a relationship? I remember a true TV movie story, where a young woman was dying of cancer, and the boyfriend couldn't handle sitting there watching the woman die, so he left. He eventually come back, but not sure if he came back in time or not.
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Honesty, it's the only way.
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online today!online today!pisceslady7Kincumber nr. Gosford, New South Wales Australia21 Threads 4 Polls 1,910 Postsgently_please: I am sorry to hear about your loss. Your experience highlights my point exactly.
Thank you.
However, if I had a choice of the wonderful years we shared before he died or not having had a relationship with him at all....it isn't even a question for me. He will be a part of me forever and I am blessed to have known him and to have been loved by such a man.
You never know what is in the future. My advice to everyone is to make the most of each special moment.
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Our medical issues are not a strangers business. Personally I would wait after a month or so of dating,maybe longer. You're only dating afterall.
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gently_please: Yes I agree it does depend on how serious it is. Lets just say it is serious but not as serious as HIV. Sorry to be so vague but I would like to keep this as a general discussion and get different opinions.
Yes, of course. That makes sense. My personal opinion is to disclose once feelings start to develop either from my side or if the other person showed that they wanted to get involved. I would not disclose everything to just anybody, but once there is some interest there on either or both sides, I'd say then is the time to disclose because if one waits longer, gets involved, invests time and effort, late or non-disclosure begins to smell of deceit/intentional withholding of information, etc.
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gently_please: There is probably a related thread already but I couldn't find a relevant one.
What are the "rules" for dating/relationships/marriage with a person with a serious illness that might not be obvious from the start?
I am not going to say which part I play in this discussion or what the illness is. I would just like an impartial discussion to see what people think?
When should the illness be disclosed? Is it right to end a relationship because of an illness? Is it fair on either or both?
What are the "rules" for dating/relationships/marriage with a person with a serious illness that might not be obvious from the start?
I am not going to say which part I play in this discussion or what the illness is. I would just like an impartial discussion to see what people think?
When should the illness be disclosed? Is it right to end a relationship because of an illness? Is it fair on either or both?
Rule No.1: The person with the illness discloses when they feel its appropriate to do so.
Rule No.2: The person who doesn't have the illness decides whether they wish to continue contact in the light of the disclosure.
There's no right, or wrong about ending a relationship where one person is ill. Some people can handle certain illnesses, some people can't. The only person who has any control over leaving, is the person leaving. The unwell person has no control over that.
As for disclosure, it would be unfair to hoodwink someone, but the time to disclose so as not to hoodwink is a decision controlled by the ill person.
Someone once told me straight away that he was terminally ill and after a bit of consideration, I decided I was fine with that. I stopped contact shortly after for another reason entirely - a reason some other people would have handled quite happily.
Compatibility is an important issue on many levels and illness is just one of them.
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What are the "rules" for dating/relationships/marriage with a person with a serious illness that might not be obvious from the start?
I am not going to say which part I play in this discussion or what the illness is. I would just like an impartial discussion to see what people think?
When should the illness be disclosed? Is it right to end a relationship because of an illness? Is it fair on either or both?