Please tell me why some men are afraid of being in a relationship?? (46)
Recently this man told me that he does not want to be in a relationship with a woman at all. Is it possible that a 50 years old man to give up love ??
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Well Elena, it seems to me like he isn't really into a relationship with you and may not be looking for anything other than someone to talk with online. When you visited him in Europe did his life include other friends and aquaintences or is he a loner? I wouldn't waste much effort on him as he doesn't seem interested in taking things any further. Keep him as an online friend if you want but look elsewhere for the relationsship you seek. jmho 
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It's not that he isn't into you. He just isn't into women. 
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Thanks for your advise.. When I visited him last year he introduced me to his mother.. He invited me to his mother's house for a cup of tea and then he invited his mother and I to a nice restaurant.
rider4u: Well Elena, it seems to me like he isn't really into a relationship with you and may not be looking for anything other than someone to talk with online. When you visited him in Europe did his life include other friends and aquaintences or is he a loner? I wouldn't waste much effort on him as he doesn't seem interested in taking things any further. Keep him as an online friend if you want but look elsewhere for the relationsship you seek. jmho
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eoprea: Recently this man told me that he does not want to be in a relationship with a woman at all. Is it possible that a 50 years old man to give up love ??
Yes,it's possible,
But I rather think that u invert the role
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Please tell me .. do you think that I invert the role because I went to visit me??
vodla3: Yes,it's possible,
But I rather think that u invert the role
But I rather think that u invert the role
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well a man may not want to be in a relationship for the same reasons a woman may not want to be in one. Mainly they have not found the right person yet - so tho you may be a close friend you are not the "one." And, he may in fact have one or more other love interests
this is how I am too - even tho I am a woman - just have not met anyone I really want to be intimate with or commit to - so I am like your man friend I think - so thought I 'd share my reasons & feelings
this is how I am too - even tho I am a woman - just have not met anyone I really want to be intimate with or commit to - so I am like your man friend I think - so thought I 'd share my reasons & feelings
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I'm not afraid of a relationship. It's just that my situation is complicated, so that makes me hesitate some. If I were far enough along with someone to call it a committed relationship, then no problem.
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eoprea: Hi everybody..I have been chatting on and off for over one year with a man from Europe. He seemed to me like a nice man and we talked for a long time about being together..
Well.. after waiting for him to visit me.. I took the plain and visited him in Europe. He was nice and friendly but he did not show any intentions of being in relationship with me .. although he told me he likes me.
After a long time of silence he started talking to me again.. We chat for hours about all sorts of things but if I ask him about future plans together he is silent... Please help me understand?? Is he very afraid of a relationship..is this man just waisting time??? I appreciate your honest answers and opinions.. Many thanks Elena
With respect, I abhor that mindset of many women: "he is making me waste time" I think it would be the case of men that entice women into relationships just to use them and trash them, but a man that shows genuine friendship and honesty ...should be called a player or time-waster?Well.. after waiting for him to visit me.. I took the plain and visited him in Europe. He was nice and friendly but he did not show any intentions of being in relationship with me .. although he told me he likes me.
After a long time of silence he started talking to me again.. We chat for hours about all sorts of things but if I ask him about future plans together he is silent... Please help me understand?? Is he very afraid of a relationship..is this man just waisting time??? I appreciate your honest answers and opinions.. Many thanks Elena
I have seen many women here with that mindset: they hate men "wasting time" If they think the man is approximately what they are looking for then they want him to promise her eternal love and all that silly stuff, if you just talk or just want to be a friend, someone to talk to, then you are weird or stuff like that.
And maybe some men are "weird" just because it is not easy for them to get into a relationship any more. Some men might have terrible memories of crossing the mine fields of "eternal love" or maybe others have got to learn to appreciate the wonderful moments that solitude sometimes gives us.
Personally I do not think there is anything wrong about that guy and people should be respected and never scorned because of the decision they take for their life.
Cheers!!
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Antjo39: With respect, I abhor that mindset of many women: "he is making me waste time" I think it would be the case of men that entice women into relationships just to use them and trash them, but a man that shows genuine friendship and honesty ...should be called a player or time-waster?
I have seen many women here with that mindset: they hate men "wasting time" If they think the man is approximately what they are looking for then they want him to promise her eternal love and all that silly stuff, if you just talk or just want to be a friend, someone to talk to, then you are weird or stuff like that.
And maybe some men are "weird" just because it is not easy for them to get into a relationship any more. Some men might have terrible memories of crossing the mine fields of "eternal love" or maybe others have got to learn to appreciate the wonderful moments that solitude sometimes gives us.
Personally I do not think there is anything wrong about that guy and people should be respected and never scorned because of the decision they take for their life.
Cheers!!
I have seen many women here with that mindset: they hate men "wasting time" If they think the man is approximately what they are looking for then they want him to promise her eternal love and all that silly stuff, if you just talk or just want to be a friend, someone to talk to, then you are weird or stuff like that.
And maybe some men are "weird" just because it is not easy for them to get into a relationship any more. Some men might have terrible memories of crossing the mine fields of "eternal love" or maybe others have got to learn to appreciate the wonderful moments that solitude sometimes gives us.
Personally I do not think there is anything wrong about that guy and people should be respected and never scorned because of the decision they take for their life.
Cheers!!
just FYI - it sounds like you may have misunderstood - no criticism intended - I think she is wondering if HE is wasting his own time (not hers) by just chatting - you know - to pass time, rather than chatting with the goal of wanting to start a relationship - which is her goal
and really the crux of the issue may be that it is human nature to view things from our own perspectives - so she may have been partly blind to the fact that he is not looking for a relatioship with her because that is what she is seeking & expecting (she evaluates this from that platform or perspective)
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felixis99: just FYI - it sounds like you may have misunderstood - no criticism intended - I think she is wondering if HE is wasting his own time (not hers) by just chatting - you know - to pass time, rather than chatting with the goal of wanting to start a relationship - which is her goal
and really the crux of the issue may be that it is human nature to view things from our own perspectives - so she may have been partly blind to the fact that he is not looking for a relatioship with her because that is what she is seeking & expecting (she evaluates this from that platform or perspective)
Ok.. I understood that she was just asking. But I have also read a couple of scornful opinions about the guy here. Your last point is valid to me and it also shows that love seeking has usually nothing to do with true friendship and open-heart and that is why some people get sick about that right in the middle of their lives.and really the crux of the issue may be that it is human nature to view things from our own perspectives - so she may have been partly blind to the fact that he is not looking for a relatioship with her because that is what she is seeking & expecting (she evaluates this from that platform or perspective)
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Antjo39: Ok.. I understood that she was just asking. But I have also read a couple of scornful opinions about the guy here. Your last point is valid to me and it also shows that love seeking has usually nothing to do with true friendship and open-heart and that is why some people get sick about that right in the middle of their lives.
well I think love seeking has everything to do with an open heart and true friendship. I can't imagine how else it could be possible.
Even so, we tend to see things based on what our personal goals or wants are in a situation. The man perhaps should have been more sensitive or alert to the fact that she is looking for a relationship and perhaps should have let her know a little sooner that a relationship was not be possible. But that doesn't make him a bad person, and who knows what the future will bring??? she has made a good friend. Friendship is the foundation for many things, n'est pas?
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felixis99: well I think love seeking has everything to do with an open heart and true friendship. I can't imagine how else it could be possible.
Even so, we tend to see things based on what our personal goals or wants are in a situation. The man perhaps should have been more sensitive or alert to the fact that she is looking for a relationship and perhaps should have let her know a little sooner that a relationship was not be possible. But that doesn't make him a bad person, and who knows what the future will bring??? she has made a good friend. Friendship is the foundation for many things, n'est pas?
Yes, friendship is.... well, now I am a good friend of my ex who used to be a driller to me, and nowadays I just wish the best for her in her life (while I used to grab my daggers and jump at her throat by being sick of her stuff, a true arsehole of course). Even so, we tend to see things based on what our personal goals or wants are in a situation. The man perhaps should have been more sensitive or alert to the fact that she is looking for a relationship and perhaps should have let her know a little sooner that a relationship was not be possible. But that doesn't make him a bad person, and who knows what the future will bring??? she has made a good friend. Friendship is the foundation for many things, n'est pas?
Anyway, I still think love-seeking is -in the majority of people- just a selfish action to get to our goals therefore it prevents the formation of real friendship and wonderful bonds between people.
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felixis99: well a man may not want to be in a relationship for the same reasons a woman may not want to be in one. Mainly they have not found the right person yet - so tho you may be a close friend you are not the "one." And, he may in fact have one or more other love interests
this is how I am too - even tho I am a woman - just have not met anyone I really want to be intimate with or commit to - so I am like your man friend I think - so thought I 'd share my reasons & feelings
this is how I am too - even tho I am a woman - just have not met anyone I really want to be intimate with or commit to - so I am like your man friend I think - so thought I 'd share my reasons & feelings
Thank you.
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Men who have been taken through a divorce court once have had an education in how misandrist family law and courts are.
Having been screwed over and reduced to poverty once, only a fool would line up for a second round.
Having been screwed over and reduced to poverty once, only a fool would line up for a second round.
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Best to be totally honest from the get-go as to what a person wants/will tolerate, so there's no confusion.
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eoprea: Thanks for your advise.. When I visited him last year he introduced me to his mother.. He invited me to his mother's house for a cup of tea and then he invited his mother and I to a nice restaurant.
Three things spring to mind.
He does not fancy you in that way.
He is one of those people who takes a long time to make a move.
He bats for the other side and is just looking for a female friend.
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In response to: Hi everybody..I have been chatting on and off for over one year with a man from Europe. He seemed to me like a nice man and we talked for a long time about being together..
Well.. after waiting for him to visit me.. I took the plain and visited him in Europe. He was nice and friendly but he did not show any intentions of being in relationship with me .. although he told me he likes me.
After a long time of silence he started talking to me again.. We chat for hours about all sorts of things but if I ask him about future plans together he is silent... Please help me understand?? Is he very afraid of a relationship..is this man just waisting time??? I appreciate your honest answers and opinions.. Many thanks Elena
Well.. after waiting for him to visit me.. I took the plain and visited him in Europe. He was nice and friendly but he did not show any intentions of being in relationship with me .. although he told me he likes me.
After a long time of silence he started talking to me again.. We chat for hours about all sorts of things but if I ask him about future plans together he is silent... Please help me understand?? Is he very afraid of a relationship..is this man just waisting time??? I appreciate your honest answers and opinions.. Many thanks Elena
may be just " like " but not " Love "
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eoprea: Hi everybody..I have been chatting on and off for over one year with a man from Europe. He seemed to me like a nice man and we talked for a long time about being together..
Well.. after waiting for him to visit me.. I took the plain and visited him in Europe. He was nice and friendly but he did not show any intentions of being in relationship with me .. although he told me he likes me.
After a long time of silence he started talking to me again.. We chat for hours about all sorts of things but if I ask him about future plans together he is silent... Please help me understand?? Is he very afraid of a relationship..is this man just waisting time??? I appreciate your honest answers and opinions.. Many thanks Elena
Well.. after waiting for him to visit me.. I took the plain and visited him in Europe. He was nice and friendly but he did not show any intentions of being in relationship with me .. although he told me he likes me.
After a long time of silence he started talking to me again.. We chat for hours about all sorts of things but if I ask him about future plans together he is silent... Please help me understand?? Is he very afraid of a relationship..is this man just waisting time??? I appreciate your honest answers and opinions.. Many thanks Elena
Plain and simple ,you two are looking for different things in life ,you`re not on the same wave
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Created: Oct 2012
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Well.. after waiting for him to visit me.. I took the plain and visited him in Europe. He was nice and friendly but he did not show any intentions of being in relationship with me .. although he told me he likes me.
After a long time of silence he started talking to me again.. We chat for hours about all sorts of things but if I ask him about future plans together he is silent... Please help me understand?? Is he very afraid of a relationship..is this man just waisting time??? I appreciate your honest answers and opinions.. Many thanks Elena