For how long have you been single parents ? (45)
catalunaBruxelles, Brussels (Bruxelles) Belgium2 Threads 177 PostsFor how long have you been single parents ? I've been a single parent for 9 years. I had a long term relationship without moving in, with a guy who was divorced and had a kid, who lived with the mother. But everything came to an end when I had to move in another country. I have more and more often the feeling that once you become a single parent things will stay like this forever. And it's not actually about raising the kid alone, it's about being a single "single parent". I guess there aren't too many who want a ready-made family.
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So far, pretty much for two decades.
But that was my choice. It was the right decision in our circumstances, but not necessarily the most ideal decision for either of us.
I think kids benefit from seeing first hand a healthy relationship between parents.
Its working out a healthy relationship with someone before introducing someone to your kids which can be difficult in practical terms.
But that was my choice. It was the right decision in our circumstances, but not necessarily the most ideal decision for either of us.
I think kids benefit from seeing first hand a healthy relationship between parents.
Its working out a healthy relationship with someone before introducing someone to your kids which can be difficult in practical terms.
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Have to admit that my boys are grown and on their own now. They are 20 and 25.
When they were young, 9 & 3, I went to pick them up for my usual weekend. As I was getting them into the car, the ex told me not to bring the oldest back and handed me a paper stating she was giving me custody of him. Her reason for not wanting him, she couldn't deal with his ADHD.
I had custody of him for 9 years which is when he turned 18 and went out on his own.
When they were young, 9 & 3, I went to pick them up for my usual weekend. As I was getting them into the car, the ex told me not to bring the oldest back and handed me a paper stating she was giving me custody of him. Her reason for not wanting him, she couldn't deal with his ADHD.
I had custody of him for 9 years which is when he turned 18 and went out on his own.
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Thanks to you both for replying.
My kid had a period when she wanted a dad, especially in kindergarten. Obviously that's not something you can offer just because the kid would like this. Her father wanted a child, then disappeared from the picture after her birth, rebuilt his life with someone else and has 2 other kids, but sees our own kid once a year. Given that now there's a huge distance between us, he will see her even less.
My daughter knew only my ex-boyfriend, but I never let her see me and him being intimate, I don't think she realized we were a couple.
I sometimes think that Jac376's (hope I got the username right) choice is the best one, but on the other hand I also feel I need more. There have been many changes in my life lately, so I simply don't know anymore.
My kid had a period when she wanted a dad, especially in kindergarten. Obviously that's not something you can offer just because the kid would like this. Her father wanted a child, then disappeared from the picture after her birth, rebuilt his life with someone else and has 2 other kids, but sees our own kid once a year. Given that now there's a huge distance between us, he will see her even less.
My daughter knew only my ex-boyfriend, but I never let her see me and him being intimate, I don't think she realized we were a couple.
I sometimes think that Jac376's (hope I got the username right) choice is the best one, but on the other hand I also feel I need more. There have been many changes in my life lately, so I simply don't know anymore.
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cataluna: Thanks to you both for replying.
My kid had a period when she wanted a dad, especially in kindergarten. Obviously that's not something you can offer just because the kid would like this. Her father wanted a child, then disappeared from the picture after her birth, rebuilt his life with someone else and has 2 other kids, but sees our own kid once a year. Given that now there's a huge distance between us, he will see her even less.
My daughter knew only my ex-boyfriend, but I never let her see me and him being intimate, I don't think she realized we were a couple.
I sometimes think that Jac376's (hope I got the username right) choice is the best one, but on the other hand I also feel I need more. There have been many changes in my life lately, so I simply don't know anymore.
My kid had a period when she wanted a dad, especially in kindergarten. Obviously that's not something you can offer just because the kid would like this. Her father wanted a child, then disappeared from the picture after her birth, rebuilt his life with someone else and has 2 other kids, but sees our own kid once a year. Given that now there's a huge distance between us, he will see her even less.
My daughter knew only my ex-boyfriend, but I never let her see me and him being intimate, I don't think she realized we were a couple.
I sometimes think that Jac376's (hope I got the username right) choice is the best one, but on the other hand I also feel I need more. There have been many changes in my life lately, so I simply don't know anymore.
Jac is fine, its my real name.
If you have the resources to date, if I were in your position, I'd date.
If you should meet someone who you can develop a relationship with, deal with it when it happens.
Although it can be difficult introducing a committed partner to your child and lead to all sorts of problems, so can being single. Its not like you can guarantee everything's going to be all rosy and wonderful if you remain a single parent, or don't ever date. Lots of people create healthy, functional second families if its handled sensitively.
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jac379: Jac is fine, its my real name.
If you have the resources to date, if I were in your position, I'd date.
If you should meet someone who you can develop a relationship with, deal with it when it happens.
Although it can be difficult introducing a committed partner to your child and lead to all sorts of problems, so can being single. Its not like you can guarantee everything's going to be all rosy and wonderful if you remain a single parent, or don't ever date. Lots of people create healthy, functional second families if its handled sensitively.
If you have the resources to date, if I were in your position, I'd date.
If you should meet someone who you can develop a relationship with, deal with it when it happens.
Although it can be difficult introducing a committed partner to your child and lead to all sorts of problems, so can being single. Its not like you can guarantee everything's going to be all rosy and wonderful if you remain a single parent, or don't ever date. Lots of people create healthy, functional second families if its handled sensitively.
Thanks, Jac. :) I have the resources, in terms of who to take care of my child if want to go out. With whom... that's another story.:)) I'm just in a phase, it will pass.
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I have been a single parent for seven years now. My kids' father remarried about a year after the divorce to a woman who didn't like them, and I was in a long term relationship with a guy who more like a father to them than their own father. The two youngest still live with me and the oldest two are out on their own and so far the kids haven't been an issue in my dating life, maybe because they are grown now.
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cataluna: Thanks, Jac. :) I have the resources, in terms of who to take care of my child if want to go out. With whom... that's another story.:)) I'm just in a phase, it will pass.
LOL going through phases like a teenager.
Maybe you SHOULD be dating
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Every situation is different,every parent is different. Some they like to remain single,as they thinking ahead,what is going to happened having a b/f-g/f,and if she/he is accepted by the child before adulthood.Other single parents jump from relationship to relationship,as they don't feel secure living alone.-Thank god,i finished upbringing my own child
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Jill,Chris, it's obviously different when the child goes to University or is already independent.
Anyway it's not my type to jump from one relationship to another, but I also haven't seen functional second families around me, as Jac said. :) I don't doubt that there are such families, but I only saw second big failures, thus putting even more pressure on the children. They find a second father figure who also vanishes after some years.
Tomcat, I envy you for not going through different stages. :)) I blame it on the never-ending autumn, I guess I became meteo dependent in a city where the sun is like an UFO. :))))
Anyway it's not my type to jump from one relationship to another, but I also haven't seen functional second families around me, as Jac said. :) I don't doubt that there are such families, but I only saw second big failures, thus putting even more pressure on the children. They find a second father figure who also vanishes after some years.
Tomcat, I envy you for not going through different stages. :)) I blame it on the never-ending autumn, I guess I became meteo dependent in a city where the sun is like an UFO. :))))
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cataluna: For how long have you been single parents ? I've been a single parent for 9 years. I had a long term relationship without moving in, with a guy who was divorced and had a kid, who lived with the mother. But everything came to an end when I had to move in another country. I have more and more often the feeling that once you become a single parent things will stay like this forever. And it's not actually about raising the kid alone, it's about being a single "single parent". I guess there aren't too many who want a ready-made family.
I've been single for 42 years. I dated quite a lot during that time but didn't want to get married again until my daughter was out of the house and off to college. She went to college and the guy I was dating for six years turned out to be a dud. I gave up dating for awhile but then went back to it without the need or desire to live with someone much less get married. I'm doing fine living by myself.
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I have been single since my son was 6mth old. He's 6 next month. My ex doesnt have any contact with me or my son, lives in another country and has refused to divorce me! I have gone through my time of not understanding why any parent would not want to have their child in their life, but now I'm actually thankful that he stays away.
I find it really hard to meet people as I work full time and have no extended family close by to help out so my social life disappeared too. But I have a happy, clever, gorgeous little guy and that makes everything worthwhile.
I find it really hard to meet people as I work full time and have no extended family close by to help out so my social life disappeared too. But I have a happy, clever, gorgeous little guy and that makes everything worthwhile.
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I've been a single parent for 43 years (divorced in 1969). I didn't start dating until a year after the divorce. The dating was for me to have a social life and not to find someone to replace her father as her father was still in her life. I knew that no matter who I dated I wouldn't get married until she went to college so if the relationship turned sour she wouldn't be around to see it. The longer I was single....the longer I chose to stay single. Marriage isn't the means to every end 
but I do think interacting with men and women in social venues and dating is important for you to have a healthy mind and body.
but I do think interacting with men and women in social venues and dating is important for you to have a healthy mind and body.------ This thread is Archived ------
I have been a single parent always.
he was traveling always and came for short periods to see the them.
and judge if i was doing good or bad.
and it is difficult after I have spent part of my life raising this young persons that today they are decent young woman and men. leaving and start a new life far. for this i am hoping for someone who is dreaming with a tropical place to seddle down.
he was traveling always and came for short periods to see the them.
and judge if i was doing good or bad.
and it is difficult after I have spent part of my life raising this young persons that today they are decent young woman and men. leaving and start a new life far. for this i am hoping for someone who is dreaming with a tropical place to seddle down.
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Raynew1959: Have to admit that my boys are grown and on their own now. They are 20 and 25.
When they were young, 9 & 3, I went to pick them up for my usual weekend. As I was getting them into the car, the ex told me not to bring the oldest back and handed me a paper stating she was giving me custody of him. Her reason for not wanting him, she couldn't deal with his ADHD.
I had custody of him for 9 years which is when he turned 18 and went out on his own.
bless ur heartWhen they were young, 9 & 3, I went to pick them up for my usual weekend. As I was getting them into the car, the ex told me not to bring the oldest back and handed me a paper stating she was giving me custody of him. Her reason for not wanting him, she couldn't deal with his ADHD.
I had custody of him for 9 years which is when he turned 18 and went out on his own.
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cataluna: Jill,Chris, it's obviously different when the child goes to University or is already independent.
Anyway it's not my type to jump from one relationship to another, but I also haven't seen functional second families around me, as Jac said. :) I don't doubt that there are such families, but I only saw second big failures, thus putting even more pressure on the children. They find a second father figure who also vanishes after some years.
Tomcat, I envy you for not going through different stages. :)) I blame it on the never-ending autumn, I guess I became meteo dependent in a city where the sun is like an UFO. :))))
Anyway it's not my type to jump from one relationship to another, but I also haven't seen functional second families around me, as Jac said. :) I don't doubt that there are such families, but I only saw second big failures, thus putting even more pressure on the children. They find a second father figure who also vanishes after some years.
Tomcat, I envy you for not going through different stages. :)) I blame it on the never-ending autumn, I guess I became meteo dependent in a city where the sun is like an UFO. :))))
I think in many ways you are right about step families not always being the best. But I have seen some great ones! My best friend from highschool was raised, along with her mom, by a stepdad who was a pretty great guy! They had a wonderful family. I also think my former mother in law and her husband did a great job raising whomever among 9 kids that was still at home when she remarried. My ex husband's stepfather taught him carpentry & the construction trade and raised like his own
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In response to: I find it really hard to meet people as I work full time and have no extended family close by to help out so my social life disappeared too. But I have a happy, clever, gorgeous little guy and that makes everything worthwhile.
I know how it is, but maybe some friends could help you with babysitting ? It's important not to completely isolate yourself.
In response to: ... but I do think interacting with men and women in social venues and dating is important for you to have a healthy mind and body.
Totally agree.
In response to: he was traveling always and came for short periods to see the them. and judge if i was doing good or bad.
I noticed that at my ex, too. Even though he is not part of his daughter's life, he finds reasons to say that I don't know how to give her a proper education. This really pisses me off.
In response to: I think in many ways you are right about step families not always being the best. But I have seen some great ones! My best friend from highschool was raised, along with her mom, by a stepdad who was a pretty great guy! They had a wonderful family. I also think my former mother in law and her husband did a great job raising whomever among 9 kids that was still at home when she remarried. My ex husband's stepfather taught him carpentry & the construction trade and raised like his own
It's always good to hear happy-ending stories.
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it's OK cataluna - fairly easy to understand anyway
I have been a single parent for 15 years. I was the non custodial parent and was badly abused by the local government where I lived in my divorce and custody case. Ultimately I chose to leave things as they were because I had no career to speak of - just a minimum age job as I had been a FT home maker. So I felt the boys would do better to stay in their home and their dad had better financial means. so I did not fight the settlement. I lost everything in it, but I gained self respect. he and his gov't cronies have what they did to me on their consciences for the rest of their lives - while I have ended up with a good relationship with my sons. so I think I have shown a lot of strength and maturity to not put my kids thru a nasty public process (which is what the local gov't was trying to bait me into) and I earned my self respect - which I had anyway - but in doing so I proved a lot of people wrong and made them look pretty bad.
I have been a single parent for 15 years. I was the non custodial parent and was badly abused by the local government where I lived in my divorce and custody case. Ultimately I chose to leave things as they were because I had no career to speak of - just a minimum age job as I had been a FT home maker. So I felt the boys would do better to stay in their home and their dad had better financial means. so I did not fight the settlement. I lost everything in it, but I gained self respect. he and his gov't cronies have what they did to me on their consciences for the rest of their lives - while I have ended up with a good relationship with my sons. so I think I have shown a lot of strength and maturity to not put my kids thru a nasty public process (which is what the local gov't was trying to bait me into) and I earned my self respect - which I had anyway - but in doing so I proved a lot of people wrong and made them look pretty bad.
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felixis99: it's OK cataluna - fairly easy to understand anyway
I have been a single parent for 15 years. I was the non custodial parent and was badly abused by the local government where I lived in my divorce and custody case. Ultimately I chose to leave things as they were because I had no career to speak of - just a minimum age job as I had been a FT home maker. So I felt the boys would do better to stay in their home and their dad had better financial means. so I did not fight the settlement. I lost everything in it, but I gained self respect. he and his gov't cronies have what they did to me on their consciences for the rest of their lives - while I have ended up with a good relationship with my sons. so I think I have shown a lot of strength and maturity to not put my kids thru a nasty public process (which is what the local gov't was trying to bait me into) and I earned my self respect - which I had anyway - but in doing so I proved a lot of people wrong and made them look pretty bad.
I have been a single parent for 15 years. I was the non custodial parent and was badly abused by the local government where I lived in my divorce and custody case. Ultimately I chose to leave things as they were because I had no career to speak of - just a minimum age job as I had been a FT home maker. So I felt the boys would do better to stay in their home and their dad had better financial means. so I did not fight the settlement. I lost everything in it, but I gained self respect. he and his gov't cronies have what they did to me on their consciences for the rest of their lives - while I have ended up with a good relationship with my sons. so I think I have shown a lot of strength and maturity to not put my kids thru a nasty public process (which is what the local gov't was trying to bait me into) and I earned my self respect - which I had anyway - but in doing so I proved a lot of people wrong and made them look pretty bad.
I am sure you did the best you could.
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