How do you date someone who is great but damaged from past relationships (55)
20 years old is still young why dont you go with older man or same age as you,age doesnt matter but maybe he just sees u as older sister just saying
------ This thread is Archived ------
ladyb63: I met a great guy who is much younger than me (Go Cougars), but everything I have been looking for in a man. We have been dating a few weeks and his insecurities from being used in the past are beginning to surface. On top of that his family is using the age difference to add fuel to the fire. I would like to continue seeing him, but I am worn out fending off his anxiety attacks. Am I crazy or what?
Everything you were looking for, well except for all these other things.
Some people just aren't very good at being supportive.
Is the crazy question multiple choice?
------ This thread is Archived ------
You cant fix him. 
------ This thread is Archived ------
jono7: hiya langley girl
i admire your integrity, and how you say things. thank you.
i admire your integrity, and how you say things. thank you.
yeah. so do I
------ This thread is Archived ------
ladyb63: I met a great guy who is much younger than me (Go Cougars), but everything I have been looking for in a man. We have been dating a few weeks and his insecurities from being used in the past are beginning to surface. On top of that his family is using the age difference to add fuel to the fire. I would like to continue seeing him, but I am worn out fending off his anxiety attacks. Am I crazy or what?
These might help. (Slip him a note or two)1. Life is a storm. Either get an umbrella, or learn to dance in the rain.
2. "I want to live my live, not record it". {Jacqueline Onassis}
3. Lady Fortune's a merry maid, dancing, prancing, flitting. Lady Sorrow stays for weeks, and oftimes brings her knitting.
4. You can't sail the ocean and not lose sight of the shore.
------ This thread is Archived ------
magiclove65: yeah. so do I
how are you doing anyways?
your posts remind me very much of someone that used to post.
maybe you just look like them....
------ This thread is Archived ------
chemistrymajor: Way too much going on there to expect it to be everlasting . At some point,(sooner than later)people who do online dating need to be totally honest with others about their expectations with this. There was an excellent post made earlier that made a lot of sense,especially for people who are finding themselves over 50 and trying the dating field. Don't be afraid to discuss health issues with each other, you'd be surprised how many people are afraid to open up about this, and avoid trying to meet anyone out there.
I want to add that at some point, we just have to snap out of it, too. I'm a firm believer that attitudes are,many times, choices, after all. (For a long, long period in my life I was a sad sack much of the time. Probably what many would call "clinically depressed". I'm OVER it.* Being bummed out and/or having 'baggage' is a CHOICE. It can be unchosen. JMTBW)*other than the normal, ordinary slumps we all have from time to time.
------ This thread is Archived ------
rohaan: I want to add that at some point, we just have to snap out of it, too. I'm a firm believer that attitudes are,many times, choices, after all. (For a long, long period in my life I was a sad sack much of the time. Probably what many would call "clinically depressed". I'm OVER it.* Being bummed out and/or having 'baggage' is a CHOICE. It can be unchosen. JMTBW)
*other than the normal, ordinary slumps we all have from time to time.
*other than the normal, ordinary slumps we all have from time to time.
hiya rohaan
i'm so glad you posted. i've been wary of posting my opinion further here.
why?....
because i am 'damaged' (not broken).
i do have some baggage (fits in the upper storage area),
and i know it.
(i don't actually know many folks my age who don't have some kind of baggage)
no 'right', no 'wrong'...and i'm grateful for the awareness as that's the first step in change.
and i can choose to be in a partnership where i can receive help to deal with some things, expand, and strengthen the We. (not take hostages)...or i can choose to be in a relationship that triggers issues and is not supportive. some issues don't actually surface till one is in a relationship that pushes on the hairball and brings it up.
more and more i think there's no 'right' or 'wrong', accept the 'is'.
that's why i liked how langley girl expressed the options; no judgement and clear.
i am the only one responsible for my feelings.
i've stopped blaming myself for not being perfect...and try to show myself some love and acceptance. i would hope a partner would do the same thing.
thanks for showing up
------ This thread is Archived ------
as well....i look younger when i'm smiling...
------ This thread is Archived ------
jono7: hiya rohaan
i'm so glad you posted. i've been wary of posting my opinion further here.
why?....
because i am 'damaged' (not broken).
i do have some baggage (fits in the upper storage area),
and i know it.
(i don't actually know many folks my age who don't have some kind of baggage)
no 'right', no 'wrong'...and i'm grateful for the awareness as that's the first step in change.
and i can choose to be in a partnership where i can receive help to deal with some things, expand, and strengthen the We. (not take hostages)...or i can choose to be in a relationship that triggers issues and is not supportive. some issues don't actually surface till one is in a relationship that pushes on the hairball and brings it up.
more and more i think there's no 'right' or 'wrong', accept the 'is'.
that's why i liked how langley girl expressed the options; no judgement and clear.
i am the only one responsible for my feelings.
i've stopped blaming myself for not being perfect...and try to show myself some love and acceptance. i would hope a partner would do the same thing.
thanks for showing up
Jono, thanks for your kind words and truly I think that for any of us to be in a relationship that we need to be more compassionate to ourselves ...... I find that the harder I am on myself, I tend to translate that to others around me (sadly) and its something that I'm striving to work on. Moose is good for challenging me to grow and thankfully he loves me despite my flaws. i'm so glad you posted. i've been wary of posting my opinion further here.
why?....
because i am 'damaged' (not broken).
i do have some baggage (fits in the upper storage area),
and i know it.
(i don't actually know many folks my age who don't have some kind of baggage)
no 'right', no 'wrong'...and i'm grateful for the awareness as that's the first step in change.
and i can choose to be in a partnership where i can receive help to deal with some things, expand, and strengthen the We. (not take hostages)...or i can choose to be in a relationship that triggers issues and is not supportive. some issues don't actually surface till one is in a relationship that pushes on the hairball and brings it up.
more and more i think there's no 'right' or 'wrong', accept the 'is'.
that's why i liked how langley girl expressed the options; no judgement and clear.
i am the only one responsible for my feelings.
i've stopped blaming myself for not being perfect...and try to show myself some love and acceptance. i would hope a partner would do the same thing.
thanks for showing up
To find others that allow us to be "ourselves" just where we are at the present is important, but I think its also vital that they challenge us to grow as well. Isn't that part of the whole point of being together?
------ This thread is Archived ------
Oh and Jono, love that reference about the "hairball" OMG too funny but very true ... sometimes its just not a pretty sight or sound.
... sometimes its just not a pretty sight or sound.------ This thread is Archived ------
"How do you date someone who is great but damaged from past relationships"
At 49, admit and accept that you're no different... that we all have weaknesses and 'issues.' It's what you do with your issues that will most likely help you deterimine whether or not to continue on with this given relationship.
Good luck to you.
At 49, admit and accept that you're no different... that we all have weaknesses and 'issues.' It's what you do with your issues that will most likely help you deterimine whether or not to continue on with this given relationship.
Good luck to you.
------ This thread is Archived ------
With care. Those past relationships can create havoc on new relationships. Have to approach every hurdle with care and determine if it really truly matters. If it does then work it out, if it does not leave it alone.
It is better to love someone for what they are now not what they were or had or was in the past. It goes both ways and it takes a long of TLC and hard work.
It is better to love someone for what they are now not what they were or had or was in the past. It goes both ways and it takes a long of TLC and hard work.
ladyb63: I met a great guy who is much younger than me (Go Cougars), but everything I have been looking for in a man. We have been dating a few weeks and his insecurities from being used in the past are beginning to surface. On top of that his family is using the age difference to add fuel to the fire. I would like to continue seeing him, but I am worn out fending off his anxiety attacks. Am I crazy or what?
------ This thread is Archived ------
ladyb63: I knew it wasn't for me, he is only 3yrs older than my daughter, I thought I could have a little fun. He turned out to be more trouble, with more baggage than a older man. I am relieved to be done with it all. Thanks for bolstering my courage to dump his pitiful behind.
I'm relieved to read that you've left this young man alone, lest you possibly cause even further psychological damage than he may have already experienced at the hands of evil women.
What I find humourous, and somewhat disturbing, is that a few posters feel that it's HIM that needs to see a therapist or get help, yet none have said the same of the OP.
------ This thread is Archived ------
This Thread is Archived
This Thread is archived, so you will no longer be able to post to it. Threads get archived automatically when they are older than 3 months.
« Go back to All Threads
« Go back to All Threads
More Threads
makeover
The weird and the random facts around the world
Would you hire this guy - for any job?
biggest lie
beauty of the heart
Have it both ways!
See It All The Time
Say Anything Again
One week of the most outrageous GOP leadership!
The Real Stormy Story
More Threads
Report threads that break rules, are offensive, or contain fighting. Staff may not be aware of the forum abuse, and cannot do anything about it unless you tell us about it. click to report forum abuse »
If one of the comments is offensive, please report the comment instead (there is a link in each comment to report it).
If one of the comments is offensive, please report the comment instead (there is a link in each comment to report it).
People are a product of their pasts. You will undoubtedly have hangups from your past as will anyone you meet. There is no such thing as perfect. Everyone will have their share of foibles.
Get over it. If you are worn out, you make your own mind up. Make your mind up using the Pros and Cons tables. Simple.
Don't whinge about it, be proactive, and sort yourself out.
Don't expect someone else to change. You must be the one that changes.
Women often expect a bloke to change. It will only happen when he is secure. And women don't understand that most men are insecure and it takes positive acceptance of a man AS HE IS before he begins to feel secure enough to attempt change.
Trust me, it will happen.
There is a very good line in the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding".
It goes like this. Man is the head, but woman is the neck and she can turn the head any way she wants.
So how about using your head and thinking proactively about just how you might be able to help your man by building up his security instead of moping about his insecurity that has been built up by women who fail to understand their power over men.