Broken Hearts (23)

Grief cannot be circumvented, it must be worked through. If he is grieving, denial (hope of restoration) is part of the 1st phase of grief.

Grief generally goes through 5 stages.

Stage 1 - Denial and Isolation: The first reaction is to deny the reality of the situation. It is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock.

Stage 2 - Anger: As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger.

Stage 3 - Bargaining: The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control– If only we had tried to be a better person toward them… If only something else had happened.... etc.

Secretly, we may make a deal with God or our higher power in an attempt to postpone the inevitable. This is a weaker line of defense to protect us from the painful reality.

Stage 4 - Depression: Two types of depression are associated with grief. The first one is a reaction to practical implications relating to the loss. Sadness and regret predominate this type of depression. This phase may be eased by simple clarification and reassurance. We may need a bit of helpful cooperation and a few kind words. The second type of depression is more subtle and, in a sense, perhaps more private. It is our quiet preparation to separate and to bid our loved one farewell. Sometimes all we really need is a hug.

Stage 5 - Acceptance: Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. we may never see beyond our anger or denial. It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression.

All these phases usually take between 2 - 5 years to work through. People need to give themselves time. If they try to circumvent these stages, it only extends how long people stay in grief.

Hurting will come and go, but hate will last a lifetime! Just hope I find love again before I die of hate?