How do You tell Your children that You're dying? (29)
justjim63port macquarie, New South Wales Australia14 Threads 2,592 PostsAfter a recent "scare" I've been thinking about the ramifications that my death would have on my kids, and in particular how to tell them that i'm going to die?
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justjim63: After a recent "scare" I've been thinking about the ramifications that my death would have on my kids, and in particular how to tell them that i'm going to die?
You just do it, let them know, if in fact you are dying.
My mother didn't have to tell me, I was there when her oncologist told her. I was there from the very beginning, right to the very end, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Why worry about telling them, they'll either be there for you, or they won't. Still, they do deserve to know.
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justjim63: After a recent "scare" I've been thinking about the ramifications that my death would have on my kids, and in particular how to tell them that i'm going to die?
there would be lots of crying and anger, but in the end it prepares them, most people never get a chance to say their final farewells------ This thread is Archived ------
happy369: there would be lots of crying and anger, but in the end it prepares them, most people never get a chance to say their final farewells
You're right, many never do, and I have a lot of people I cared about that just died. Some went in an instant, some dragged it on and never said anything to anyone, just disappeared off the face of the Earth, literally.
It's a part of life, and regardless of your "beliefs", you should let friends and family know if you're ill, or worse.
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kidatheart: You're right, many never do, and I have a lot of people I cared about that just died. Some went in an instant, some dragged it on and never said anything to anyone, just disappeared off the face of the Earth, literally.
It's a part of life, and regardless of your "beliefs", you should let friends and family know if you're ill, or worse.
yes.. my cousin died last year, she was 26, i still cant believe it, she was ill but we didnt think she was that bad, her kidneys failed, she was only 26It's a part of life, and regardless of your "beliefs", you should let friends and family know if you're ill, or worse.
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happy369: yes.. my cousin died last year, she was 26, i still cant believe it, she was ill but we didnt think she was that bad, her kidneys failed, she was only 26
There are no age limits, most of my friends and the people I've been close to are dead, regardless of their age. Some were quite young, some lived to a ripe old age, but it still isn't easy when they go.
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kidatheart: There are no age limits, most of my friends and the people I've been close to are dead, regardless of their age. Some were quite young, some lived to a ripe old age, but it still isn't easy when they go.
Thanks for Your input guys, My doc thought I might have had motor neurone disease ( Lou Gherigs I think it is in the states?) I saw a neurologist and he dismissed that idea and thinks it's a nerve compression in my cervical spine. But it put the wind up me for a while! the reason for my post is that my kids are pretty young, aged 19, 15, and 7, It would probably be easier to explain to my older kids but i'm afraid my little girl would be devastated as we're extremely close.
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justjim63: Thanks for Your input guys, My doc thought I might have had motor neurone disease ( Lou Gherigs I think it is in the states?) I saw a neurologist and he dismissed that idea and thinks it's a nerve compression in my cervical spine. But it put the wind up me for a while! the reason for my post is that my kids are pretty young, aged 19, 15, and 7, It would probably be easier to explain to my older kids but i'm afraid my little girl would be devastated as we're extremely close.
hiya
jjimpretty scary stuff..hope you're ok.
(my friend died just over two years ago...had Lou Gherigs)
glad to hear that's been dismissed.
many years ago, i had cancer and had to have some surgery.
i was really frightened, but i didn't tell my son.
a couple days after surgery ( i would be there longer), i woke up around 3:00 am in my hospital bed, and....
there was my son sitting on the end of the bed.
he looked so worried, so sad, and a bit angry as well.
he said, "mom, why didn't you tell me?
me: i didn't know how and i didn't want you to worry.
him: mom, did you need time to get used to the idea you had cancer?
me: yes ( i had know for months as i awaited surgery)
him: why didn't you think i would need some time too? i know you love me, but i thought you respected me more than to keep it a secret.
he felt very hurt by my choice to not tell him.
that always stuck with me.
couple years ago i had surgery again, and it was serious, and there were no guarantees about how i would come out of surgery.
this time i told my son as soon as i knew, so we could talk about it.
when i woke up the morning after this surgery, i saw my son sitting in a chair beside my bed. he was calm, concerned, but relieved to see me wake up and recognize him.
it was soooo much better than that previous time...i really believe that if one is certain of a serious medical condition, it's best to tell your kids. i believe it's an act of love to help them prepare.
sorry this post was so long
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jono7: hiya jjim
pretty scary stuff..hope you're ok.
(my friend died just over two years ago...had Lou Gherigs)
glad to hear that's been dismissed.
many years ago, i had cancer and had to have some surgery.
i was really frightened, but i didn't tell my son.
a couple days after surgery ( i would be there longer), i woke up around 3:00 am in my hospital bed, and....
there was my son sitting on the end of the bed.
he looked so worried, so sad, and a bit angry as well.
he said, "mom, why didn't you tell me?
me: i didn't know how and i didn't want you to worry.
him: mom, did you need time to get used to the idea you had cancer?
me: yes ( i had know for months as i awaited surgery)
him: why didn't you think i would need some time too? i know you love me, but i thought you respected me more than to keep it a secret.
he felt very hurt by my choice to not tell him.
that always stuck with me.
couple years ago i had surgery again, and it was serious, and there were no guarantees about how i would come out of surgery.
this time i told my son as soon as i knew, so we could talk about it.
when i woke up the morning after this surgery, i saw my son sitting in a chair beside my bed. he was calm, concerned, but relieved to see me wake up and recognize him.
it was soooo much better than that previous time...i really believe that if one is certain of a serious medical condition, it's best to tell your kids. i believe it's an act of love to help them prepare.
sorry this post was so long
pretty scary stuff..hope you're ok.
(my friend died just over two years ago...had Lou Gherigs)
glad to hear that's been dismissed.
many years ago, i had cancer and had to have some surgery.
i was really frightened, but i didn't tell my son.
a couple days after surgery ( i would be there longer), i woke up around 3:00 am in my hospital bed, and....
there was my son sitting on the end of the bed.
he looked so worried, so sad, and a bit angry as well.
he said, "mom, why didn't you tell me?
me: i didn't know how and i didn't want you to worry.
him: mom, did you need time to get used to the idea you had cancer?
me: yes ( i had know for months as i awaited surgery)
him: why didn't you think i would need some time too? i know you love me, but i thought you respected me more than to keep it a secret.
he felt very hurt by my choice to not tell him.
that always stuck with me.
couple years ago i had surgery again, and it was serious, and there were no guarantees about how i would come out of surgery.
this time i told my son as soon as i knew, so we could talk about it.
when i woke up the morning after this surgery, i saw my son sitting in a chair beside my bed. he was calm, concerned, but relieved to see me wake up and recognize him.
it was soooo much better than that previous time...i really believe that if one is certain of a serious medical condition, it's best to tell your kids. i believe it's an act of love to help them prepare.
sorry this post was so long
Make it two posts next time.
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Gather everyone round sit them down and ask them what Christmas presents they want and when they tell you say
"AH well that could be a problem....."
"AH well that could be a problem....."
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kidatheart: Make it two posts next time.
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A scenario i am sure most people would dread.
Also,having a child that you know wouldnt be concerned at all is hurtful.
Also,having a child that you know wouldnt be concerned at all is hurtful.
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Before you tell them,Doctors would have told them, "you dad's health no good"". By the way to your health.-
health.-justjim63: After a recent "scare" I've been thinking about the ramifications that my death would have on my kids, and in particular how to tell them that i'm going to die?
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rebel2:
Also,having a child that you know wouldnt be concerned at all is hurtful.
Depends,on the family closeness. me thinks.Also,having a child that you know wouldnt be concerned at all is hurtful.
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tell them the truth that you are die-ing , and when you do die tell them you will be burried underground and that will be the end ....
my mother thought I was to young at 4 years old to understand about death so she lied , I can still remember all her lies to this day
my mother thought I was to young at 4 years old to understand about death so she lied , I can still remember all her lies to this day
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My mom didn't level with us. She was in denial. A doctor leveled with her. She refused to believe him and insisted on coming home. Then she took a lot of pills trying to hide the symptoms. Ten she went into another hospital. They were going to put her in a coma to stabilize her heart. Instead she died. She never actually admitted anything to me, but I had my suspicions anyway. I don't think it would have mattered if she had told us or not. What would have made a difference is if she went to the doctor when she started getting sick.
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jono7: hiya jjim
pretty scary stuff..hope you're ok.
(my friend died just over two years ago...had Lou Gherigs)
glad to hear that's been dismissed.
many years ago, i had cancer and had to have some surgery.
i was really frightened, but i didn't tell my son.
a couple days after surgery ( i would be there longer), i woke up around 3:00 am in my hospital bed, and....
there was my son sitting on the end of the bed.
he looked so worried, so sad, and a bit angry as well.
he said, "mom, why didn't you tell me?
me: i didn't know how and i didn't want you to worry.
him: mom, did you need time to get used to the idea you had cancer?
me: yes ( i had know for months as i awaited surgery)
him: why didn't you think i would need some time too? i know you love me, but i thought you respected me more than to keep it a secret.
he felt very hurt by my choice to not tell him.
that always stuck with me.
couple years ago i had surgery again, and it was serious, and there were no guarantees about how i would come out of surgery.
this time i told my son as soon as i knew, so we could talk about it.
when i woke up the morning after this surgery, i saw my son sitting in a chair beside my bed. he was calm, concerned, but relieved to see me wake up and recognize him.
it was soooo much better than that previous time...i really believe that if one is certain of a serious medical condition, it's best to tell your kids. i believe it's an act of love to help them prepare.
sorry this post was so long
pretty scary stuff..hope you're ok.
(my friend died just over two years ago...had Lou Gherigs)
glad to hear that's been dismissed.
many years ago, i had cancer and had to have some surgery.
i was really frightened, but i didn't tell my son.
a couple days after surgery ( i would be there longer), i woke up around 3:00 am in my hospital bed, and....
there was my son sitting on the end of the bed.
he looked so worried, so sad, and a bit angry as well.
he said, "mom, why didn't you tell me?
me: i didn't know how and i didn't want you to worry.
him: mom, did you need time to get used to the idea you had cancer?
me: yes ( i had know for months as i awaited surgery)
him: why didn't you think i would need some time too? i know you love me, but i thought you respected me more than to keep it a secret.
he felt very hurt by my choice to not tell him.
that always stuck with me.
couple years ago i had surgery again, and it was serious, and there were no guarantees about how i would come out of surgery.
this time i told my son as soon as i knew, so we could talk about it.
when i woke up the morning after this surgery, i saw my son sitting in a chair beside my bed. he was calm, concerned, but relieved to see me wake up and recognize him.
it was soooo much better than that previous time...i really believe that if one is certain of a serious medical condition, it's best to tell your kids. i believe it's an act of love to help them prepare.
sorry this post was so long
I would tell my relatives only when it could be no longer concealed. Whatever they may say, long worry is worse than short worry.
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When my mother was dying she never told me or let on that she knew.She did go to a doctor only once but never told me the results of that visit.
Just gather them together and just tell them.
Just gather them together and just tell them.
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jono7: hiya jjim
pretty scary stuff..hope you're ok.
(my friend died just over two years ago...had Lou Gherigs)
glad to hear that's been dismissed.
many years ago, i had cancer and had to have some surgery.
i was really frightened, but i didn't tell my son.
a couple days after surgery ( i would be there longer), i woke up around 3:00 am in my hospital bed, and....
there was my son sitting on the end of the bed.
he looked so worried, so sad, and a bit angry as well.
he said, "mom, why didn't you tell me?
me: i didn't know how and i didn't want you to worry.
him: mom, did you need time to get used to the idea you had cancer?
me: yes ( i had know for months as i awaited surgery)
him: why didn't you think i would need some time too? i know you love me, but i thought you respected me more than to keep it a secret.
he felt very hurt by my choice to not tell him.
that always stuck with me.
couple years ago i had surgery again, and it was serious, and there were no guarantees about how i would come out of surgery.
this time i told my son as soon as i knew, so we could talk about it.
when i woke up the morning after this surgery, i saw my son sitting in a chair beside my bed. he was calm, concerned, but relieved to see me wake up and recognize him.
it was soooo much better than that previous time...i really believe that if one is certain of a serious medical condition, it's best to tell your kids. i believe it's an act of love to help them prepare.
sorry this post was so long
pretty scary stuff..hope you're ok.
(my friend died just over two years ago...had Lou Gherigs)
glad to hear that's been dismissed.
many years ago, i had cancer and had to have some surgery.
i was really frightened, but i didn't tell my son.
a couple days after surgery ( i would be there longer), i woke up around 3:00 am in my hospital bed, and....
there was my son sitting on the end of the bed.
he looked so worried, so sad, and a bit angry as well.
he said, "mom, why didn't you tell me?
me: i didn't know how and i didn't want you to worry.
him: mom, did you need time to get used to the idea you had cancer?
me: yes ( i had know for months as i awaited surgery)
him: why didn't you think i would need some time too? i know you love me, but i thought you respected me more than to keep it a secret.
he felt very hurt by my choice to not tell him.
that always stuck with me.
couple years ago i had surgery again, and it was serious, and there were no guarantees about how i would come out of surgery.
this time i told my son as soon as i knew, so we could talk about it.
when i woke up the morning after this surgery, i saw my son sitting in a chair beside my bed. he was calm, concerned, but relieved to see me wake up and recognize him.
it was soooo much better than that previous time...i really believe that if one is certain of a serious medical condition, it's best to tell your kids. i believe it's an act of love to help them prepare.
sorry this post was so long
Thankyou for sharing such a personal and touching story with us Jono,You've shown great courage and wisdom when faced with some terrible situations,I'm glad You're well now and I hope I could deal with such a difficult situation with the grace that You have shown, once again, thankyou.
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justjim63: After a recent "scare" I've been thinking about the ramifications that my death would have on my kids, and in particular how to tell them that i'm going to die?
This would be a very difficult conversation to have with the kids, their age would make a difference also.
I Think being honest and forthcoming. I don't think there is another way. Of course you will tell the bad news as lovingly (I'm not sure if that is the correct word I'm looking for) as possible.
Or there may be some people who wouldn't disclose the bad news at all and just pass away one day.
I would have a heart-filled conversation and make them aware of what to expect.
I'm glad to hear that it was just a scare you had.
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