Should I stop contacting him or the fault is mine? ( Archived) (98)

Almost a year ago I met a Canadian guy through this site, I am from Dominican Republic. After 4 months of chatting through Skype with cam we both met in Puerto Rico and he was very excited and happy the first day but the second day he changed and was very distant with me, without any reason, he even didn't like to hold my hands because for him holding hands was for teenagers and we both are adults. I paid my expenses and he paid his, he only paid me one day of lunch and even the taxi was half and half, then we went to my country and he stayed in my house and there he started to pay me lunch and movies, but in my country everything is cheap and he was not paying any accomodation. He has no job since almost 3 years ago because he had a traumatic experience at work and now he has a phobia to work. He invited me to Canada and on August I went there for one month. The first 3 days were perfect, he was very happy, paid for everything, drove me from Toronto to his town which is about 10 hours by car, but we slept in his car two nights because he didn't want to pay for a hotel and when we arrived to his house I was shocked, he still lives with his parents, the house is a mess and dirty everywhere, I slept with his dog in a small bed and very smelly, besides the weather was so cold even in September, and he had no heater at home. I was freezing. His family didn't talk to me at all, above all his mother who always avoided contact with me and made me feel very uncomfortable. He also started to ignore me since then. Although he drove me to many places in Ontario and Quebec, but a few days after I bought a pair of shoes which costed 80 dollars and he got very upset and asked me to pay for my food, at least half of the food his family eats and the gasoline. That I was so rude that I did not offer to pay anything but I had the money to spend for clothes and expensive shoes and he mentioned everything he had spent on me in PR, my country and Canada. I felt so humilliated. Is not that I did not want to pay my things, but he had invited me to Canada and told me that I didn't need to spend any cent while I was there except for the things I wanted to buy. His answer was that I misunderstood what he had said and that he didn't believe that I had a little money when I was buying a 80$ pair of shoes. Since then I started paying everything and he continued to ignore me, at home he was playing videogames all the time and watching videos.

We had almost no intimacy and he even asked me to stop it that he didn't want to hurt me, that he loved me but if I found someone in my country which could offer me more than him I had to go for it and not stop for him. We didn't plan anything about when we would see each other again, his arguments were that I was so immature, that the intimacy was not good enough, that he wanted me to do more things in bed and that the way I dressed and acted was like a teenager, he even refused to take pics with me together, like he was embarrassed for me, we only had a few pics together the first week there, even the day I flew back to my country he told me he wanted to leave his car 30 minutes away from the airport into a free parking lot to avoid paying the airport's parking lot because was too expensive and he had no money, then I paid him 30$ to take me to the airport. He was very serious with me all the time and when I arrived to my country he only wrote me a line telling me that he hoped everything was ok, and he didn't ask for my mom who is very sick and two weeks has gone since I returned to my country and only once we have chatted on skype and all was an argument, but he still has me on FB as his GF, he says he loves me and doesn't want to let me go, and all the time he is mentioning me how much money and time he had spent on me, when I ask him to find a job he gets very upset and asked me what is the problem if I work and he stays at home cooking and cleaning, I am really confused and stressed, because he drove me to many places, and if it weren't for him I would have never been to Canada, because the visa is very difficult to get if you don't have an invitation letter or alot of money to spend there and also he paid the gasoline the first week, cooked for me and has tons of pictures of me in his wall and his computer screen, smartphone, etc. I also wanted to live in Canada but not in those conditions with him, do you think I have the fault because I should have paid all my expenses since the first day and tried to talk to his family even so they looked so strange with me? In my country it is very rude if a man asks a woman to pay her expenses, above all if she is his girlfriend and is invited by him, but he says that in Canada is different and women and men have the same rights and that I was not a guest but his GF and I had to pay for everything. Should I stop contacting him or should I continue with him until I find another guy or until he changes? I doubt he will change.

I spent almost 20 years of my life living with someone that never showed me love or affection. Someone that constantly belittled my affections as girlish and could not tolerate public displays of affections. I always felt that maybe because I got married so young to my first love/boyfriend I was not "mature" enough when it comes to love and being affectionate but the truth is that he had the problem and not I.

You deserve to have a man that will shower you with same love and affection that you shower to him...........if he can't do that then move away. I am almost certain that if had showed you more care and affection you would have found his place quaint rather than small or smelly; you would have been able to overlook some of the ill-feelings from his parents because you would have had the comfort of his attentions and lastly finance would have never been an issue because you should have both been busy enjoying each other's company for that month instead of measuring expenses. Don't sell yourself short and follow your instincts........stop the contact and move on.