Why (12)

Nov 16, 2013 4:03 AM CST Why
tinyfangs
tinyfangstinyfangsunder a rock, Leitrim Ireland26 Threads 4 Polls 1,034 Posts
do many nowadays find it hard to show their feelings?

I have been around in this world for long enough to have observed this a lot. People will not openly admit if they have come to like someone, and even in relationships people seem to often find it hard to open up.

Is it fear of rejection? Is it because they believe it takes mystery away from them, or maybe is it even about power as in the one who shows less feelings seems to be considered more powerful?
Read a quote recently about how in relationships now it seems to have become a race for the lead in uncaringness, instead of each trying to trumph the other in regards to showing love and care.

Do we feel we are making ourselves vulnerable when we show how much someone else means to us?


To me it seems wasted time and energy to hide what I feel. Pride and vanity I feel disconnect us from others, and I rather face a rejection over a lost opportunity. If I should come to love someone, 'power' over the other, in my view, should only be born from having the 'power' to make that other happy and to use that 'power' in abandunce. That's not about 'ruling' as an individual in a relationship, but about letting love and care do the ruling.

Have others here ever thought about his? How do you handle showing your feelings, is the fear of rejection often something that guides your interactions when you meet others?



and obviously sozzy for the length roll eyes teddybear
Nov 16, 2013 5:34 AM CST Why
Fraya
FrayaFrayaCork, Ireland1 Threads 3,762 Posts
tinyfangs: do many nowadays find it hard to show their feelings?

I have been around in this world for long enough to have observed this a lot. People will not openly admit if they have come to like someone, and even in relationships people seem to often find it hard to open up.

Is it fear of rejection? Is it because they believe it takes mystery away from them, or maybe is it even about power as in the one who shows less feelings seems to be considered more powerful?
Read a quote recently about how in relationships now it seems to have become a race for the lead in uncaringness, instead of each trying to trumph the other in regards to showing love and care.

Do we feel we are making ourselves vulnerable when we show how much someone else means to us?To me it seems wasted time and energy to hide what I feel. Pride and vanity I feel disconnect us from others, and I rather face a rejection over a lost opportunity. If I should come to love someone, 'power' over the other, in my view, should only be born from having the 'power' to make that other happy and to use that 'power' in abandunce. That's not about 'ruling' as an individual in a relationship, but about letting love and care do the ruling.

Have others here ever thought about his? How do you handle showing your feelings, is the fear of rejection often something that guides your interactions when you meet others?
and obviously sozzy for the length


How do I handle showing my feelings?
It takes more effort hiding "dislike" than demonstrating "like".

Having "like" rejected can be hurtful and/or insulting but at least there is a line drawn under it and leaves one without confusion.

Its how the "like" is reciprocated is the challenge here laugh ..you know..the in-your-face smoothering kind? The working out of that can leave the other feeling rejected.
Nov 16, 2013 6:32 AM CST Why
tinyfangs: do many nowadays find it hard to show their feelings?

I have been around in this world for long enough to have observed this a lot. People will not openly admit if they have come to like someone, and even in relationships people seem to often find it hard to open up.

Is it fear of rejection? Is it because they believe it takes mystery away from them, or maybe is it even about power as in the one who shows less feelings seems to be considered more powerful?
Read a quote recently about how in relationships now it seems to have become a race for the lead in uncaringness, instead of each trying to trumph the other in regards to showing love and care.

Do we feel we are making ourselves vulnerable when we show how much someone else means to us?To me it seems wasted time and energy to hide what I feel. Pride and vanity I feel disconnect us from others, and I rather face a rejection over a lost opportunity. If I should come to love someone, 'power' over the other, in my view, should only be born from having the 'power' to make that other happy and to use that 'power' in abandunce. That's not about 'ruling' as an individual in a relationship, but about letting love and care do the ruling.

Have others here ever thought about his? How do you handle showing your feelings, is the fear of rejection often something that guides your interactions when you meet others?
and obviously sozzy for the length

Ego, fear and the sense of vulnerability.
Nov 16, 2013 6:33 AM CST Why
sexydivabella
sexydivabellasexydivabellaDrogheda, Dublin Ireland44 Threads 4 Polls 5,978 Posts
MADDOG69: Ego, fear and the sense of vulnerability.


surely that wouldn't stop someone? just make them a bit cautious????
Nov 16, 2013 6:44 AM CST Why
tinyfangs
tinyfangstinyfangsunder a rock, Leitrim Ireland26 Threads 4 Polls 1,034 Posts
Fraya: How do I handle showing my feelings?
It takes more effort hiding "dislike" than demonstrating "like".

Having "like" rejected can be hurtful and/or insulting but at least there is a line drawn under it and leaves one without confusion.

Its how the "like" is reciprocated is the challenge here ..you know..the in-your-face smoothering kind? The working out of that can leave the other feeling rejected.

thumbs up I agree with most of that, aside from - what is a 'smothering like'? If I like someone in return, I have no issue with their liking, it is only if I do not like them, or do not like them in the same way (ie. you can like someone as a friend which is different to liking someone as a possible partner), then 'advances' can be felt as bothersome, but that's what rejection is for.

Rejecting has to be learned though, I almost feel. I had huge issues with it when I started out in this world, as I did not wish to hurt others. I tried avoid confronting the issue, rather than draw a clear line. In time though I realized that a lack of clear communication was far worse than friendly words. We can not be liked by everyone, sometimes we end liking someone who doesn't feel that way in return, but that does not mean we are therefore of any less value as individuals. I think to let another in kind words know that one just does not feel the same way, in words that do not damage self value, is an art form one needs to practice.. and if we'd know how to handle such better, people may would find it easier to be open?
Nov 16, 2013 6:59 AM CST Why
sexydivabella
sexydivabellasexydivabellaDrogheda, Dublin Ireland44 Threads 4 Polls 5,978 Posts
tinyfangs: I am not sure how correct this really is. Yes we end 'loving' again, but I do believe people often end up holding back in showing how they really feel, even in relationships.

And those who do not, can even end classed as 'clingy'. It amazes me, as showing love and care in my view should not be something we should 'weigh' as in, is it appropriate to show my feelings to another. I have however observed such happening a lot, and not talking about my own relationships here, most wanted me to cling but the toy lost charge due to unfitting matches.. I did observe it in other relationships of friends and relatives.


I do not understand this bit?

If someone classes another as clingy or whatever, then maybe it is their failing to accept love and affection....did you ever think of that?

The classic example I would cite here is a mother and child relationship....I am not a mother but I imagine not many would hold back feelings because it is inappropriate? So why not use this example in dealing with all relationships?

Unless you are truly open and giving in your time love and affection you will never get it back.....and at the end of the day that is what most of us crave!

I see lots of people here (for a quick example) cite loneliness as the worst thing in their lives!
Nov 16, 2013 7:13 AM CST Why
Fraya
FrayaFrayaCork, Ireland1 Threads 3,762 Posts
tinyfangs: Couldn't agree more but I really think people find this very hard to do, and it isn't even just that, but 'power' issues seem to enter more and more into it as well from what I feel I am observing.

This saying about 'the one who loves less is the more powerful' is really a disturbing saying to me, as that's an imbalance in a relationships that I can not see working out on the long run, but I believe this attitude happens and peole even wrestle in relationships over who cares less, just to not end the 'subservient' one.


The imbalance you mention is where working at a romantic relationship comes into play. The "clingy" one in my experience gives he other the "power"...not the other way around, with "clingy" viewing it as power.
Nov 16, 2013 7:34 AM CST Why
sexydivabella
sexydivabellasexydivabellaDrogheda, Dublin Ireland44 Threads 4 Polls 5,978 Posts
KNenagh: I agree with that SDB, and I can't understand why these bitterballs don't see that they keep away people because of their own attitude.

Be positive, happy and give people a chance.

All I can say that people important to me know how I feel and how I feel about them, my family and friends are a fairly open bunch and we know what's going on in each others life. We're open around each other, but I don't feel that I have to be that open straight away to EVERYONE. I wouldn't be in a relationship if I couldn't be myself and had to keep my feelings to myself btw.


hug that is a lovely post thumbs up
Nov 16, 2013 7:43 AM CST Why
tinyfangs
tinyfangstinyfangsunder a rock, Leitrim Ireland26 Threads 4 Polls 1,034 Posts
tinyfangs: gugs

Someone recently said to me I am beginning to work on a new language - that's another word added laugh

- HUGS obviously giggle
Nov 16, 2013 7:51 AM CST Why
Fraya
FrayaFrayaCork, Ireland1 Threads 3,762 Posts
Still not sure what 'clingy' is. Can you elaborate? I think I have experienced 'clingy' as in males basically imprisoning me literally, but that's born from unstable minds.

Clingy is the need to suck the other persons life into theirs rather than connecting the two. Clingy is a need to know what the other is doing all the time. Clingy is feeling threatened when the other continues to enjoy passtimes the other has no interest in.

Crisht! theres a lot of instability out there...laugh
Nov 16, 2013 7:56 AM CST Why
Fraya
FrayaFrayaCork, Ireland1 Threads 3,762 Posts
tinyfangs: Someone recently said to me I am beginning to work on a new language - that's another word added

- HUGS obviously


I like Gug...it reads like a hug from a cuddly person.
Nov 16, 2013 8:13 AM CST Why
tinyfangs
tinyfangstinyfangsunder a rock, Leitrim Ireland26 Threads 4 Polls 1,034 Posts
Fraya: Still not sure what 'clingy' is. Can you elaborate? I think I have experienced 'clingy' as in males basically imprisoning me literally, but that's born from unstable minds.

Clingy is the need to suck the other persons life into theirs rather than connecting the two. Clingy is a need to know what the other is doing all the time. Clingy is feeling threatened when the other continues to enjoy passtimes the other has no interest in.

Crisht! theres a lot of instability out there...

Oh yes, that's out there definitely, I can vouch for that, I wasn't even allowed to feel for the neighbour's dog being kicked and beaten, and those were the small scale insanities of that type of clinginess.. there was a lot worse on top of that uh oh

That though really is the type of clinginess born from insecurities. They have nothing to do with love and affection. That's all about the self demanding constant reassurance as the self feels of too little value to fassom it can be liked.
But for example to wish for a call when the other had to travel somewhere, is not clinginess, that's care and worry to hear the other has arrived safe and well, and people need to understand the difference, as well as that I believe it should be a deep longing all the same to want to let the other know all is alright. Each wishes the other to be well, to not have worries, that to me is balanced affection.

Fraya: I like Gug...it reads like a hug from a cuddly person.

Or it could be someone into S&M hugging while fitting a gag same time? laugh
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