is being married really that important? ( Archived) (45)

May 1, 2014 7:27 PM CST is being married really that important?
jones41288
jones41288jones41288Philadelphia, Pennsylvania USA1 Threads 4 Posts
I have asked myself this question a lot since i turned 26. I see all of these happily married couples, walking hand and hand, stealing kisses from each other. And i think to myself "wow they look really happy maybe i'll find a girl one day and be happy like that" then by the same token i can't get on a bus without over hearing a couple arguing about god knows what and then i say to myself" damn i don't envy that couple". Now i should note i'm not stupid, i know that in relationships you argue/ fight sometimes, but i don't want to fight all the time. I do not like it when i have to explain myself every time i say something insignificant. I have seen a relationship like that, and i can't for the life of me figure why you would put yourself through that. Honestly if that is love, I want nothing to do with it, why the hell would i put myself through that. I should note that i grew up around my mom, 2 aunts, and a grandmother. All of them worked, All of them are highly opinionated and will not hesitate to tell you their opinion. So my opinion might be a bit biased, but i just don't want a second mother. So at this point i'm sure you are wondering "what the hell is he doing on a dating website? Well i get lonely like everyone else (maybe not as often) and i feel the need for companionship...just not misery...I've also kind of struggled with this since i was a teenager. I can't really see the importance of wanting to be with one person for the rest of my life. Most older people give me the same advice "well you're young when you get old you'll see". But i'm 26 i'm not far from 30 and i still can't see the importance (if any) so i present this question to you people. Is marriage really that important?
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May 1, 2014 7:44 PM CST is being married really that important?
saoirse10
saoirse10saoirse10killarney/limerick, Kerry Ireland6 Threads 60 Posts
I dont believe that marriage as an institution is important...although the romantic bs ideals that go with it are nice. I think that trust respect and genuine love patience and humour are what sustain a relationship not paperwork.
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May 2, 2014 5:22 AM CST is being married really that important?
jones41288: I have asked myself this question a lot since i turned 26. I see all of these happily married couples, walking hand and hand, stealing kisses from each other. And i think to myself "wow they look really happy maybe i'll find a girl one day and be happy like that" then by the same token i can't get on a bus without over hearing a couple arguing about god knows what and then i say to myself" damn i don't envy that couple". Now i should note i'm not stupid, i know that in relationships you argue/ fight sometimes, but i don't want to fight all the time. I do not like it when i have to explain myself every time i say something insignificant. I have seen a relationship like that, and i can't for the life of me figure why you would put yourself through that. Honestly if that is love, I want nothing to do with it, why the hell would i put myself through that. I should note that i grew up around my mom, 2 aunts, and a grandmother. All of them worked, All of them are highly opinionated and will not hesitate to tell you their opinion. So my opinion might be a bit biased, but i just don't want a second mother. So at this point i'm sure you are wondering "what the hell is he doing on a dating website? Well i get lonely like everyone else (maybe not as often) and i feel the need for companionship...just not misery...I've also kind of struggled with this since i was a teenager. I can't really see the importance of wanting to be with one person for the rest of my life. Most older people give me the same advice "well you're young when you get old you'll see". But i'm 26 i'm not far from 30 and i still can't see the importance (if any) so i present this question to you people. Is marriage really that important?


I don't believe it is. And it should only be important on a personal level to the individual or couple involved. Doesn't mean we all should get married. Getting married is legally binding and it's meant to be for keeps so you'd really really want to be 100% positive (more even!) that you love that person and want to spend the rest of your life with them. Sure there's divorce but nobody wants to have to go through that! So, no, you don't have to get married EVER if you don't want to.
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May 2, 2014 5:52 AM CST is being married really that important?
Alexandro10
Alexandro10Alexandro10monceaux, Hauts-de-France France36 Threads 17 Polls 1,180 Posts
naaaaaaa, never believed in marriage. Its a signature on a piece of paper. But saying that if both persons are fine together and willing to take it to that level, so be it. But that must'nt be the goal for happiness together in life. thumbs up
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May 2, 2014 5:53 AM CST is being married really that important?
Count_Me_In
Count_Me_InCount_Me_InMackay, Queensland Australia1 Threads 570 Posts
jones41288: I have asked myself this question a lot since i turned 26. I see all of these happily married couples, walking hand and hand, stealing kisses from each other. And i think to myself "wow they look really happy maybe i'll find a girl one day and be happy like that" then by the same token i can't get on a bus without over hearing a couple arguing about god knows what and then i say to myself" damn i don't envy that couple". Now i should note i'm not stupid, i know that in relationships you argue/ fight sometimes, but i don't want to fight all the time. I do not like it when i have to explain myself every time i say something insignificant. I have seen a relationship like that, and i can't for the life of me figure why you would put yourself through that. Honestly if that is love, I want nothing to do with it, why the hell would i put myself through that. I should note that i grew up around my mom, 2 aunts, and a grandmother. All of them worked, All of them are highly opinionated and will not hesitate to tell you their opinion. So my opinion might be a bit biased, but i just don't want a second mother. So at this point i'm sure you are wondering "what the hell is he doing on a dating website? Well i get lonely like everyone else (maybe not as often) and i feel the need for companionship...just not misery...I've also kind of struggled with this since i was a teenager. I can't really see the importance of wanting to be with one person for the rest of my life. Most older people give me the same advice "well you're young when you get old you'll see". But i'm 26 i'm not far from 30 and i still can't see the importance (if any) so i present this question to you people. Is marriage really that important?


Having been married once and saying those vows I meant them for life....things happen, no matter how hard it is and not wanted...it happens

one person trying to hold a marriage together just does not work

it takes two

so being married or living together holds the same commitment either way

think it depends on the two people involved...how much they love each other, how much they want each other, how much they want to share (SHARE) in each other's life, how much they see each other's wonderment and also their faults

being a major connection involves many things...good, bad and the ugly times

conquer all of these and off to a good, productive and loving start

and keep topping up on the relationship where it is needed...eg more time, laughs, talk, meeting with own friends, meeting with mutual friends and just sharing time alone together

most of all just communicating, that is talking but also really listening to your partner

love can be fuelled and nurtured

or it can die

depending................
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May 2, 2014 6:09 AM CST is being married really that important?
jones41288: I have asked myself this question a lot since i turned 26.

So at this point i'm sure you are wondering "what the hell is he doing on a dating website? Well i get lonely like everyone else (maybe not as often) and i feel the need for companionship...just not misery...I've also kind of struggled with this since i was a teenager.
I can't really see the importance of wanting to be with one person for the rest of my life. Most older people give me the same advice "well you're young when you get old you'll see". But i'm 26 i'm not far from 30 and i still can't see the importance (if any) so i present this question to you people. Is marriage really that important?


hug thumbs up I think we are sold a bill of goods here in America about the white picket fence and the two kids and a yard. It sells cars, coffee, beer, the "good" times. And often we buy into the idea.

You will feel different when there is someone in your life besides family that you want to spend most of your time with. Someone who makes you laugh and who you care about - it might just be a friend.

it takes all kinds of people to make up our society and community. Finding what works for you is where you will find some comfort and happiness.
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May 2, 2014 6:23 AM CST is being married really that important?
MikeD12
MikeD12MikeD12Broadstairs, Kent, England UK16 Threads 2 Polls 2,809 Posts
I don't think Marriage is a necessity when two people above the age of legal consent in any country, and regardless of their ages decide that they want to be together, and love each other.
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May 2, 2014 6:25 AM CST is being married really that important?
MikeD12: I don't think Marriage is a necessity when two people above the age of legal consent in any country, and regardless of their ages decide that they want to be together, and love each other.


especially if there is an intent to produce children from the union.
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May 2, 2014 6:46 AM CST is being married really that important?
SinkingSwimmer
SinkingSwimmerSinkingSwimmerLiverpool, Merseyside, England UK35 Posts
In response to: I have asked myself this question a lot since i turned 26. I see all of these happily married couples, walking hand and hand, stealing kisses from each other. And i think to myself "wow they look really happy maybe i'll find a girl one day and be happy like that" then by the same token i can't get on a bus without over hearing a couple arguing about god knows what and then i say to myself" damn i don't envy that couple". Now i should note i'm not stupid, i know that in relationships you argue/ fight sometimes, but i don't want to fight all the time. I do not like it when i have to explain myself every time i say something insignificant. I have seen a relationship like that, and i can't for the life of me figure why you would put yourself through that. Honestly if that is love, I want nothing to do with it, why the hell would i put myself through that. I should note that i grew up around my mom, 2 aunts, and a grandmother. All of them worked, All of them are highly opinionated and will not hesitate to tell you their opinion. So my opinion might be a bit biased, but i just don't want a second mother. So at this point i'm sure you are wondering "what the hell is he doing on a dating website? Well i get lonely like everyone else (maybe not as often) and i feel the need for companionship...just not misery...I've also kind of struggled with this since i was a teenager. I can't really see the importance of wanting to be with one person for the rest of my life. Most older people give me the same advice "well you're young when you get old you'll see". But i'm 26 i'm not far from 30 and i still can't see the importance (if any) so i present this question to you people. Is marriage really that important?


I got married when i was young & spent 17 years with a complete manipulator & control freak. But, i married the wrong woman. And looking back on it i was wrong for her on many levels!

It happens.

Would i get married again, or would i put another person off marriage- absolutely not. My father met my mother in Venice in 1964 & it was love at first sight & they spent over 40 years with each other until he passed away. Its all about being in the right place at the right time in order to find the one. Very lucky indeed if you find a partner who is right for you on many levels. There are so many damaged people about nowadays with much baggage, they look for others to make them happy when they are clearly at war with themselves- or like many on date sites looking for a partner to fill a temporary void in their sad lives.


Get to know this person, dont rush anything, be kind and considerate, communicate and if it leads to marriage then cool. But when you do finally get wed i believe that its only the beginning because you have to work on staying married- never take your spouse for granted like my ex wife did with me. And love isnt about control either. Love is when you want the best for your partner even if it isnt the best thing for you.


As for arguing, well, my grandmother used to say: 'never let the sunset on bad feelings- clear the air and start anew.
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May 2, 2014 6:46 AM CST is being married really that important?
SinkingSwimmer
SinkingSwimmerSinkingSwimmerLiverpool, Merseyside, England UK35 Posts
In response to: I have asked myself this question a lot since i turned 26. I see all of these happily married couples, walking hand and hand, stealing kisses from each other. And i think to myself "wow they look really happy maybe i'll find a girl one day and be happy like that" then by the same token i can't get on a bus without over hearing a couple arguing about god knows what and then i say to myself" damn i don't envy that couple". Now i should note i'm not stupid, i know that in relationships you argue/ fight sometimes, but i don't want to fight all the time. I do not like it when i have to explain myself every time i say something insignificant. I have seen a relationship like that, and i can't for the life of me figure why you would put yourself through that. Honestly if that is love, I want nothing to do with it, why the hell would i put myself through that. I should note that i grew up around my mom, 2 aunts, and a grandmother. All of them worked, All of them are highly opinionated and will not hesitate to tell you their opinion. So my opinion might be a bit biased, but i just don't want a second mother. So at this point i'm sure you are wondering "what the hell is he doing on a dating website? Well i get lonely like everyone else (maybe not as often) and i feel the need for companionship...just not misery...I've also kind of struggled with this since i was a teenager. I can't really see the importance of wanting to be with one person for the rest of my life. Most older people give me the same advice "well you're young when you get old you'll see". But i'm 26 i'm not far from 30 and i still can't see the importance (if any) so i present this question to you people. Is marriage really that important?


I got married when i was young & spent 17 years with a complete manipulator & control freak. But, i married the wrong woman. And looking back on it i was wrong for her on many levels!

It happens.

Would i get married again, or would i put another person off marriage- absolutely not. My father met my mother in Venice in 1964 & it was love at first sight & they spent over 40 years with each other until he passed away. Its all about being in the right place at the right time in order to find the one. Very lucky indeed if you find a partner who is right for you on many levels. There are so many damaged people about nowadays with much baggage, they look for others to make them happy when they are clearly at war with themselves- or like many on date sites looking for a partner to fill a temporary void in their sad lives.


Get to know this person, dont rush anything, be kind and considerate, communicate and if it leads to marriage then cool. But when you do finally get wed i believe that its only the beginning because you have to work on staying married- never take your spouse for granted like my ex wife did with me. And love isnt about control either. Love is when you want the best for your partner even if it isnt the best thing for you.


As for arguing, well, my grandmother used to say: 'never let the sunset on bad feelings- clear the air and start anew.
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May 2, 2014 6:53 AM CST is being married really that important?
kettleson
kettlesonkettlesonFAR FROM Liverpool, Merseyside, England UK414 Posts
Marriage is very important

Otherwise how else can you get a Divorce .
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May 2, 2014 7:00 AM CST is being married really that important?
theD0CT0R
theD0CT0RtheD0CT0RLaunceston, Tasmania Australia22 Threads 936 Posts
Of course it's important. Although these days, the vows taken mean nothing, because it is so easy to divorce the one you said that you love, "to be your lawfully wedded(husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part."
Getting married is also a tradition to celebrate love. If you can not commit to the one you love, don't marry. It's as simple as that. When you ask the woman you love to marry you, it's saying one thing. That you're ready to commit to the relationship, and be with her for the rest of your life.
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May 2, 2014 7:13 AM CST is being married really that important?
uptall
uptalluptallQuiet village..., Durham, England UK57 Threads 1 Polls 12,860 Posts
I'd love to be marriedliar
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May 2, 2014 7:25 AM CST is being married really that important?
SinkingSwimmer
SinkingSwimmerSinkingSwimmerLiverpool, Merseyside, England UK35 Posts
theD0CT0R: Of course it's important. Although these days, the vows taken mean nothing, because it is so easy to divorce the one you said that you love, "to be your lawfully wedded(husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part."
Getting married is also a tradition to celebrate love. If you can not commit to the one you love, don't marry. It's as simple as that. When you ask the woman you love to marry you, it's saying one thing. That you're ready to commit to the relationship, and be with her for the rest of your life.


exactly, and that's what you ultimately hope for.
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May 2, 2014 7:27 AM CST is being married really that important?
kettleson
kettlesonkettlesonFAR FROM Liverpool, Merseyside, England UK414 Posts
uptall: I'd love to be married


laugh
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May 2, 2014 8:19 AM CST is being married really that important?
KNenagh
KNenaghKNenaghAachen, Kilkenny Ireland12 Threads 11,160 Posts
I would only marry if after years of the test of life (meaning living together and sharing your life) I really could see a forever with this person. Couldn't see the forever part with my (long-time) exes so far.

I would think it as sensible to get married if children would be involved because I would regard the piece of paper important if something goes wrong with either the marriage or if someone dies.

No kids planned - if the law about pre-nups in Ireland doesn't change, I wouldn't risk to get married.
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May 2, 2014 12:29 PM CST is being married really that important?
JeanKimberley: especially if there is an intent to produce children from the union.


Children don't always make a difference in a marriage. Some are better off without. Two people happy together don't have to need marriage or children to continue so. If that's what they want then off with them to the marriage ceremony and/or making babies! :)
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May 2, 2014 12:51 PM CST is being married really that important?
serene56
serene56serene56Myplace, New South Wales Australia542 Threads 10 Polls 27,946 Posts
I would like to be a wife again someday blushing
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May 2, 2014 12:55 PM CST is being married really that important?
serene56: I would like to be a wife again someday
aahh...hug laugh
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May 2, 2014 1:19 PM CST is being married really that important?
SCatlyn
SCatlynSCatlynBrecon, South Glamorgan, Wales UK5 Threads 2,166 Posts
Count_Me_In: Having been married once and saying those vows I meant them for life....things happen, no matter how hard it is and not wanted...it happens

one person trying to hold a marriage together just does not work

it takes two

so being married or living together holds the same commitment either way

think it depends on the two people involved...how much they love each other, how much they want each other, how much they want to share (SHARE) in each other's life, how much they see each other's wonderment and also their faults

being a major connection involves many things...good, bad and the ugly times

conquer all of these and off to a good, productive and loving start

and keep topping up on the relationship where it is needed...eg more time, laughs, talk, meeting with own friends, meeting with mutual friends and just sharing time alone together

most of all just communicating, that is talking but also really listening to your partner

love can be fuelled and nurtured

or it can die

depending................
thumbs up That is all great advice.

Also, to the OP - don't rush, get to know the person very well(even if you find yourself thinking you've never felt what you feel with this person-feelings can be so deceptive.) It takes at least 6 months to get beyond the superficial stuff(even if you talk about deep subjects sometimes)- but the things that might get on each other's nerves, how you solve conflicts, etc. and etc... don't become apparent right away.
And a big one, imo, is to have lots in common - though very often people end up marrying someone who is opposite to them.

I used to have a tagline that said 'Opposites attract, but are often hard to live with.'
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