Dating Someone who has lost a child (11)
coldlakeprincessCold Lake, Alberta Canada34 Threads 226 PostsHey everyone i know this is a somber subject but important to me. I was wondering if everyone here would find it awkward dating someone with such a significant loss as a child ....and woudl you be worried about "seriously" dating someone and having kids for the fear that the same thing might happen.....
Firstly, my condolences. Hardly enough said but there is nothing I can say that would be appropriate.
In response to your question ...
If I were considering having children with someone who's child had passed I would first have to consider what caused the first passing. I'm not asking that you divulge the specifics in a public forum. I just think that if it was something of a genetic nature I would have more cause for concern than if it was a result of some sort of random event such as an accident, catching something from another etc.
The passing of a child certainly changes someone's persepctives (I can only assume because I have no personal experience to go on) and it becomes a big part of who they are. If I was drawn to them it's part of their makeup and who they are so it wouldn't exclude me from dating someone who had lost a child based on just the fact that they had.
This is all based on the perspective of one person who hasn't lost a child or had a relatonship of a romantic nature with anyone who has.
In response to your question ...
If I were considering having children with someone who's child had passed I would first have to consider what caused the first passing. I'm not asking that you divulge the specifics in a public forum. I just think that if it was something of a genetic nature I would have more cause for concern than if it was a result of some sort of random event such as an accident, catching something from another etc.
The passing of a child certainly changes someone's persepctives (I can only assume because I have no personal experience to go on) and it becomes a big part of who they are. If I was drawn to them it's part of their makeup and who they are so it wouldn't exclude me from dating someone who had lost a child based on just the fact that they had.
This is all based on the perspective of one person who hasn't lost a child or had a relatonship of a romantic nature with anyone who has.
No i dont think i would find it awkward, Life has to go on, Still things like the babys birthday and christmas would be sad
Thank you gentlemen of course holidays are hard these are my first but I still also have alot to celebrate as and be thankful for like the 14 months I got with my daughter wich i was told i would never get and my other daughter as well i am glad to here that guys would consider because I find right now everyone is a little akward around me with no reason to be...but then again i dont remember what its like to be on the other side of the fence..
coldlakeprincess sorrry to hear....sounds as if genetics may have had a part to play........that's hard to handle though, but I would have no problem in dating a man if he had lost a child.
My sympathies to you...and yes i have gone through this...
Gibs is right...it does change the perspective on things...and though i have had two other children since my first daughter passed away (she was a year old and died in an "accident" at the babysitters)..one never gets over it..but time does help to ease the sharp edge of that pain...I have just learned to live with it...though almost 20 years later...I still grieve
I was paranoid when i had my other children and my then husband had to be patient, but he understood...I adore my children, worship the very ground they walk on....but i never really show them that..i'm too afraid they will be "gone" too if i love them that way..
But as in all other things...there will be someone out there who will be able to accept the fact that this "loss" is now part of your life and make up....and still love you regardless...and hold your hand through those moments...
As far as dating goes...I do not date anyone who does not have children as in my opinion they can never fully understand the dynamics that exist between a parent and a child...nor do i date anyone who may even be vaguely interested in having more children...I don't think i can put myself through that again...
Gibs is right...it does change the perspective on things...and though i have had two other children since my first daughter passed away (she was a year old and died in an "accident" at the babysitters)..one never gets over it..but time does help to ease the sharp edge of that pain...I have just learned to live with it...though almost 20 years later...I still grieve
I was paranoid when i had my other children and my then husband had to be patient, but he understood...I adore my children, worship the very ground they walk on....but i never really show them that..i'm too afraid they will be "gone" too if i love them that way..
But as in all other things...there will be someone out there who will be able to accept the fact that this "loss" is now part of your life and make up....and still love you regardless...and hold your hand through those moments...
As far as dating goes...I do not date anyone who does not have children as in my opinion they can never fully understand the dynamics that exist between a parent and a child...nor do i date anyone who may even be vaguely interested in having more children...I don't think i can put myself through that again...
Not ackward at all. Well at least not for me personaly.
Everyone has had the loss of a loved one. Does not make anyone any different from any other.
If it just happened very recently it may be hard but not ackward. I would think the person would just need some time to heal. Everyone has a different way and time of healing. All you need to do is just let them know you are there for them and give them their space and let them come to you if they need it.
Just my 0.2 cents worth.
Everyone has had the loss of a loved one. Does not make anyone any different from any other.
If it just happened very recently it may be hard but not ackward. I would think the person would just need some time to heal. Everyone has a different way and time of healing. All you need to do is just let them know you are there for them and give them their space and let them come to you if they need it.
Just my 0.2 cents worth.
...so no I wouldn't find it awkward. Just remember that what has not happened yet is not part of your reality...what has is. If you do choose to have another child know the main reasons why, and what the past has thought you. I'm sure she must be happy of her momma right now looking after you from where ever she is...She keeps shining through you
everyone has put this so well.
No problems dating someone with a significant loss. If anything our personal experiences make us better people.
Sorry for your loss.
No problems dating someone with a significant loss. If anything our personal experiences make us better people.
Sorry for your loss.
Sorry for your loss.........
I would not find it difficult dating or having any other interaction with any person that had to go through a heart wrenching experience like that.
I would not find it difficult dating or having any other interaction with any person that had to go through a heart wrenching experience like that.
My ex lost a daughter to SIDS many years before we met and while I had hesitations when we had children together it did not negatively affect me in any way. We acknowledged her and our children know about her, even though we have no photos (his ex kept them all).
If the loss were recent I would be hesitant only because I would not want to intrude in the grieving process.
If the loss were recent I would be hesitant only because I would not want to intrude in the grieving process.
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