A woman says to her husband.. dear .. I got an idea and I can not remove it from head, husband responds..do not worry hun soon it will die of loneliness.
A man walking on the street met Lazzaro ..and says .. for all demons of the hell.. lazzaro ...but.. were not you dead, do not tell me anything good man, I am alive just for a miracle
Jokerman73: A woman says to her husband.. dear .. I got an idea and I can not remove it from head, husband responds..do not worry hun soon it will die of loneliness. A man walking on the street met Lazzaro ..and says .. for all demons of the hell.. lazzaro ...but.. were not you dead, do not tell me anything good man, I am alive just for a miracle
MerriweatherAdelaide, South Australia Australia11,403 posts
not a drop of humour... here is a weeks worth... Dear Diary,
For my 40th birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college football team 25 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. Called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swimwear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
Monday: Started my day at 6 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess, with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo hoo! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. She took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring. Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a fantastic week!!
Tuesday: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air, and then she put weights on it!
My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel great! It's a whole new life for me.
Wednesday: The only way I can brush my teeth is by lying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was okay as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is very annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other stuff too.
JeanKimberley: nope because the punch line should either be (in my opinion) that it is not a snake by his feet..... hint, hint, hint..... or from the original skit by Gene Wilder in the movie The Pink Panther - as he says to the man in the hotel with a lovely little dog by his side.
"Does your dog, bite?" "No, my dog does not bite"
He reaches down to pet the dog, and the dog bites him.
A skydiver is falling to earth desperately trying to get his parachute to open but with no success. Frantically he tries the emergency parachute. That fails too. Suddenly he spots this other guy rising up from the ground at great speed. In desperation he shouts across to him as their paths meet 'Hey....know anything about parachutes?...' The other fella shouts back to him 'No...you know anything about gas cookers?'
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A man walking on the street met Lazzaro ..and says .. for all demons of the hell.. lazzaro ...but.. were not you dead, do not tell me anything good man, I am alive just for a miracle