A loss of confidence ( Archived) (10)

A friend of mine is a cancer survivor, but as a consequence of her treatment she has a slight facial paralysis on the right side of her face, She is a beautiful woman but thinks no man would ever want her because of her perceived fault. My friends and I have tried to reassure her that she is still attractive, but she's is firmly convinced that she is ugly and no man would ever like her now. Her confidence is at an all time low, she's depressed and just isn't herself, I've suggested counselling to her but she's hesitant, What would you guys do or say to help her through this?, it's sad to see her like this.

I have cancer in the family so I would have witnessed something like that.

One thing I think is that after cancer people are vulnerable in general and don't trust their bodies as they put them through an awful time. She probably isn't a particularly happy camper at the moment, time will hopefully help with that.

Than the basic thing which is being body conscious - there is no bigger turn off than someone in intimate situations getting body conscious. Happens to a lot of people and when you see it from the other side it's quite and eye opener how big of a turn off it can be. If someone wants to be with you, you are attractive to him/her. End off. I think it's a difficult lesson to learn for everyone, but not something she might get over anytime soon.

Just guessing here that she might be feeling low in general. Counselling might help, but not everyone will try it.

Give it time, make sure she is kept busy socially and doesn't have long periods of time where she is sitting at home on her own and brood over how things could have had an even worse outcome for her.

Thanks so much KNenagh, I hope your family cancer connection had a positive out come. Your input is very much appreciated and it's given me some ideas as how we might be able to help her through such a tough time, She's a good person and it's sad to see her like this. Thanks Again,
Jim.

Best of luck to her Jim, I think it just mightn't be her looks alone which plays on her mind after going through something like that. She will need support of her friends and it is good that there are people who recognise this and want to help her.

So sorry to hear about your friend. I think she is more than likely in low spirits for a number of reasons. A major illness is difficult to deal with. And if she is single and alone that will add to the feeling of vulnerability. Counseling is not for everyone. You can suggest but in the end the choice will be hers. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make them drink. Do you think she would be open to attend a cancer support group? Maybe ask her if she has mentioned her feelings to her doctor. Right now you are being her friend. And I know if it was me I would appreciate my friends who were there for me, even if it was just to sit and listen to me ramble. Sometimes that is all we can do as friends. I have been around loved ones with cancer. Sometimes they aren't so pleasant and that is when they need friendship and caring the most. Best wishes to your friend.

hiya jj63

mirror, mirror, on the wall...

is it about a man wanting her, or perhaps something a bit closer to home me thinks...?

sometimes we need to run on 'other esteem' till we find our own again.
how wonderful she has friends that see her beauty both in and out and are with her to tell her.

You suggested counseling. Did you ever think of taking her to a therapy session.

I just googled "stroke therapy". I know she didn't have a stroke but she still has paralysis of her face.

Look for a place on google that has that kind of therapy. Tell her you think she might like to hear other patients talk about their disfigurement...of course in your own words.

The main thing I'm suggesting is don't just tell her what to do, help her to do it.