When to say "I love you" ( Archived) (63)

Sep 4, 2014 10:54 PM CST When to say "I love you"
Nidifugous
NidifugousNidifugousYap, Federated States of Micronesia38 Threads 3 Polls 1,430 Posts
Do you say it when you feel it?

Women: Do you wait for the guy to say it first before you let your guard down?

Men: How did you feel when a woman said it to you first? Were you flattered, turned off, positively surprised?

Both: Did you ever let someone down after they said it?

Being older, does it still matter who says it first and when? or are you a believer in "it's implied in my actions"? (i.e. I don't need to say it, I show it).

How important is it that your date/partner says the magic words?
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Sep 4, 2014 11:06 PM CST When to say "I love you"
rider4u
rider4urider4uDunchurch, Ontario Canada8 Threads 1,361 Posts
When I feel love for someone it isn't contingent on their even feeling love for me so if they don't say it or feel it, I still love them. I have learned that when I love it is unconditional and that's the best kind. I have however learned that saying it too early in a relationship can make the object of your affections feel a little uncomfortable or pressured and it's nice to kind of let it grow slowly (so take your time).
dunno wave
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Sep 4, 2014 11:08 PM CST When to say "I love you"
Ccincy
CcincyCcincyCincinnati, Ohio USA77 Threads 20,535 Posts
To me it doesn't matter which one of us say I love you first just as long as it is said.Actions are important too.
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Sep 4, 2014 11:12 PM CST When to say "I love you"
Nidifugous
NidifugousNidifugousYap, Federated States of Micronesia38 Threads 3 Polls 1,430 Posts
wave Wise words, esp. the bit where you say that it doesn't matter whether the other person loves you back. That's a great attitude and takes a fair bit of self-confidence.

I still think there's always something of a power play going on in a relationship as well as a fear of rejection. The one who says "I love you" sincerely is always in a vulnerable position esp. if the feelings aren't reciprocated.
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Sep 4, 2014 11:15 PM CST When to say "I love you"
Nidifugous
NidifugousNidifugousYap, Federated States of Micronesia38 Threads 3 Polls 1,430 Posts
Ccincy: To me it doesn't matter which one of us say I love you first just as long as it is said.Actions are important too.


Once you're in a relationship and both said it, it doesn't really matter who says it first. I'm talking about early on, before things are established, you know.

There is also a big cultural gap that I've noticed esp. btwn Europeans and Americans. In the U.S. people are much more open to saying "I love you" whereas in many European cultures it's still not said much.
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Sep 4, 2014 11:21 PM CST When to say "I love you"
PinkCoral2
PinkCoral2PinkCoral2Bakersfield, California USA49 Posts
Best to never say so, but show it.
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Sep 4, 2014 11:22 PM CST When to say "I love you"
Ccincy
CcincyCcincyCincinnati, Ohio USA77 Threads 20,535 Posts
Nidifugous: Once you're in a relationship and both said it, it doesn't really matter who says it first. I'm talking about early on, before things are established, you know.

There is also a big cultural gap that I've noticed esp. btwn Europeans and Americans. In the U.S. people are much more open to saying "I love you" whereas in many European cultures it's still not said much.




Until things were established between the guy and I wouldn't come right out ans say I love you just my luck he would say that he didn't love me.I would feel so embarrassed.I'd be thinking Opps.giggle
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Sep 4, 2014 11:45 PM CST When to say "I love you"
Nidifugous
NidifugousNidifugousYap, Federated States of Micronesia38 Threads 3 Polls 1,430 Posts
PinkCoral2: Best to never say so, but show it.
Cool. Why do you think it's better not to say but to show it?
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Sep 4, 2014 11:47 PM CST When to say "I love you"
PinkCoral2
PinkCoral2PinkCoral2Bakersfield, California USA49 Posts
Nidifugous: Cool. Why do you think it's better not to say but to show it?


You spoil it by stating the obvious.wink
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Sep 4, 2014 11:49 PM CST When to say "I love you"
Nidifugous
NidifugousNidifugousYap, Federated States of Micronesia38 Threads 3 Polls 1,430 Posts
Ccincy: Until things were established between the guy and I wouldn't come right out ans say I love you just my luck he would say that he didn't love me.I would feel so embarrassed.I'd be thinking Opps.


I know I would be really embarrassed if I said it and the guy waffled around or said he didn't. I can't imagine how tough it is for the guys out there because I think it's still expected of them to say it first.

I also think many don't want to come out and say the words for that reason and put it in different words or say the opposite with a wink, wink or they talk around it laugh
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Sep 4, 2014 11:53 PM CST When to say "I love you"
"I love you" can be the three greatest words, or the three most dangerous words of all. If you are going to say it, make sure you mean it.
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Sep 4, 2014 11:58 PM CST When to say "I love you"
PinkCoral2
PinkCoral2PinkCoral2Bakersfield, California USA49 Posts
Track16: "I love you" can be the three greatest words, or the three most dangerous words of all. If you are going to say it, make sure you mean it.



...and many do mean it, in their ignorance; does it hold any real value...???wink
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Sep 5, 2014 12:05 AM CST When to say "I love you"
Nidifugous
NidifugousNidifugousYap, Federated States of Micronesia38 Threads 3 Polls 1,430 Posts
PinkCoral2: You spoil it by stating the obvious.
laugh That's an interesting viewpoint, although some people can't see the forest for the trees, you know wink
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Sep 5, 2014 12:19 AM CST When to say "I love you"
PinkCoral2: ...and many do mean it, in their ignorance; does it hold any real value...???


Ultimately no, because the real value is what the person shows you, not just what they say to you.
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Sep 5, 2014 12:30 AM CST When to say "I love you"
Ocee102
Ocee102Ocee102unkown, California USA10 Threads 1,399 Posts
At his point in my life.

It's going to be pretty obvious before I say it.
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Sep 5, 2014 12:33 AM CST When to say "I love you"
Nidifugous
NidifugousNidifugousYap, Federated States of Micronesia38 Threads 3 Polls 1,430 Posts
Track16: "I love you" can be the three greatest words, or the three most dangerous words of all. If you are going to say it, make sure you mean it.
I agree.
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Sep 5, 2014 12:34 AM CST When to say "I love you"
Nidifugous
NidifugousNidifugousYap, Federated States of Micronesia38 Threads 3 Polls 1,430 Posts
Ocee102: At his point in my life.

It's going to be pretty obvious before I say it.


Let me play devil's advocate for a moment: How would this person be able to tell whether you love her or whether you're just infatuated?
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Sep 5, 2014 1:04 AM CST When to say "I love you"
Ocee102
Ocee102Ocee102unkown, California USA10 Threads 1,399 Posts
Nidifugous: Let me play devil's advocate for a moment: How would this person be able to tell whether you love her or whether you're just infatuated?


Good question.

Infatuation's a lot of the reason I wait.
I want to know for myself it's not just infatuation.
I love you's a hell of a thing to have to take back.

They can look so similar, honestly the only test I trust is time.
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Sep 5, 2014 2:02 AM CST When to say "I love you"
chris27292729
chris27292729chris27292729IOS island, South Aegean Greece93 Threads 15,811 Posts
I always say the magic word,when is time to say good bye on a first date,and have agreed to meet again. My usual is..."""I think am falling in love with you""". love
Nidifugous: Do you say it when you feel it?

Women: Do you wait for the guy to say it first before you let your guard down?

Men: How did you feel when a woman said it to you first? Were you flattered, turned off, positively surprised?

Both: Did you ever let someone down after they said it?

Being older, does it still matter who says it first and when? or are you a believer in "it's implied in my actions"? (i.e. I don't need to say it, I show it).

How important is it that your date/partner says the magic words?
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Sep 5, 2014 2:06 AM CST When to say "I love you"
Nidifugous
NidifugousNidifugousYap, Federated States of Micronesia38 Threads 3 Polls 1,430 Posts
Ocee102: Good question.

Infatuation's a lot of the reason I wait.
I want to know for myself it's not just infatuation.
I love you's a hell of a thing to have to take back.

They can look so similar, honestly the only test I trust is time.


True enough. Nothing like some healthy introspection and that takes time.
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