sorry for the blues ( Archived) (21)

Sorry Christmas blues are getting me down. A few months ago I lost my sweet wife of 27 years to a hard fought battle with Leukemia. 8 years after having a bone marrow transplant. Enduring hospital stays to numerous to count, going through invasive and sometimes painful tests and procedures that just tore my heart out to watch, but God bless her she went through without complaint. The last hospital stay was 400 miles away from our home just her and I. 12 days of which 9 were spent in intensive care, unconscious,being kept alive by a breathing machine. Now here's the part that is really messing me up. It was my decision after days of sole searching and talking to doctors to have her taken off life support, and even though being heavily sedated it took over 11 hours for the end to come while I sat helplessly at her bedside watching her slip away.I just can't shake the feeling that I ( the one she trusted ) had ended her life. It's terrible loosing someone so dear to you but the guilt that follows is gut wrenching. I know I shouldn't feel guilty but that dosen't change anything. To everyone at cs thanks for listining . I consider you all family of a sort. I just needed to get this off my chest once and for all. I love you Lillian all my love Elmer

Your words are truly beautiful. I lost my wife to a heart attack and can relate. A resident in my care is dying of cancer. His wife was with him at the nursing home until recently. He has been pissing blood real bad and I have to change him nightly. When she was there it was a lot easier on us. He misses her but I can understand why she does not come back. It is hard to watch someone you love die. By being there for others in the nursing home has really helped me. It really does help one to help others especially if you have gone through a similiar loss.

Roy

Hi "gunman",

I'm so very sorry for your loss. You have endured quite a lot of emotional stress....But not to worry.

There are a lot of wonderful people here on CS that will and can comfort you in this most difficult time.

My heart and prayers go out to you and your family, and may God bless!

Stick with us, Gunman

There are lots of people here who have experienced loss, pain and sorrow.

We try to help each other 'cause we are Forum family.

Of course we fight like family sometimes, but hey...

I was not even two years old...when my Daddy drowned w/brother who was 23...Daddy was missing for two weeks....Mom was eight months pregnant...When I was eleven my buddy ....my first cousin was eleven and his brother was sixteen....they drowned in the same lake...That summer my favorite Great Aunt....Grandfather that Oct...my sister died of breast cancer in three months in 2000...I felt so guilty because I was the oldest...I always was the protector of all of them....then my baby brother had sixteen hours of brain surgery....I always thought he was mine since I always protected him....then my other sister battled breast cancer for fifteen years...so far a survivor....then come my Step-father w/leukemia...right now he is on the last stages of it....currently as you know my best friend...and Grandma's kidneys are failing....the Lord has promised us he will not give us more than we can handle...I believe him...even though I wonder how much more I am meant to endure....and believe me there's much more in between all of this....I think that we put guilt on ourselves because we as humans have to put some reason to it all....instead of believing that God needs us to come to him....with everything....we think we can fix everything on our own....but we can't....just as a baby needs nuturing....so do we even as adults by our Father in Heaven....I pray that you do not go through the rest of your life feeling this guilt...just get on your knees and give it all to your Father in Heaven....lay it down before him.....

Thanks for taking the time to listen to
me cry in my beer as my scottish wife would say ( just a wee bit)

Roy sorry to hear about your wife. only someone who has lost a spouse can know that feeling, God love ya Roy Janet Thank you for the hug I really needed that. Findme thank you for the prayers arabella thanks for the kind words sister

Good Grief Elmer ... I would say you have every right to be blue.

I have a close friend who went through the same thing. I'm sure you are aware they have support groups to help folks in your situation to deal with the loss and overwhelming feeling of sadness. My friend would not go because being a man, he felt it would appear unmanly, whimpy and he didn't want anyone to know.

You are not alone.

There are going to be a good handful of us on here during Christmas. Unless you are with family, please join us and we'll help you through it as much as we possibly can.