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I've been banned from Tescos ( Archived) (16)

Jan 9, 2016 11:58 AM CST I've been banned from Tescos
tomcatwarne
tomcatwarnetomcatwarneOcean City, Plumouth, Devon, England UK377 Threads 8 Polls 24,692 Posts
I’ve Been Banned From Tesco’s
Yesterday I was at my local Tesco’s store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I’d lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter’s arse and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I’m now banned from Tesco’s.

Better watch what you ask retired people.

They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.
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Jan 9, 2016 1:56 PM CST I've been banned from Tescos
tomcatwarne: I’ve Been Banned From Tesco’s
Yesterday I was at my local Tesco’s store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I’d lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter’s arse and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I’m now banned from Tesco’s.

Better watch what you ask retired people.

They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.
I don't doubt this is your own experience rather than a copy and paste .
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Jan 9, 2016 1:59 PM CST I've been banned from Tescos
tomcatwarne
tomcatwarnetomcatwarneOcean City, Plumouth, Devon, England UK377 Threads 8 Polls 24,692 Posts
epirb: I don't doubt this is your own experience rather than a copy and paste .



It's a jokerolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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Jan 9, 2016 3:03 PM CST I've been banned from Tescos
Lillie49
Lillie49Lillie49Nowhere, Alberta Canada41 Threads 1,060 Posts
tomcatwarne: It's a joke


wave laugh laugh and a darn good joke too!..

rolling on the floor laughing
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Jan 16, 2016 3:57 PM CST I've been banned from Tescos
Elegsabiff
ElegsabiffElegsabiffMotril-ish, Andalusia Spain26 Threads 21 Polls 1,070 Posts
Version I heard, you were licking your bits in the middle of the road. Yours is way more polite.

Why DOES a dog lick its bits?

All together now - "because it can."

I've been asked if I had a dog, and couldn't think of what to say except 'er yes'. I don't, but what the hell business is it of theirs why I buy dog food?
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Jan 16, 2016 4:01 PM CST I've been banned from Tescos
tomcatwarne
tomcatwarnetomcatwarneOcean City, Plumouth, Devon, England UK377 Threads 8 Polls 24,692 Posts
Elegsabiff: Version I heard, you were licking your bits in the middle of the road. Yours is way more polite.

Why DOES a dog lick its bits?

All together now - "because it can."

I've been asked if I had a dog, and couldn't think of what to say except 'er yes'. I don't, but what the hell business is it of theirs why I buy dog food?


grin
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Jan 16, 2016 6:19 PM CST I've been banned from Tescos
tomcatwarne: I’ve Been Banned From Tesco’s
Yesterday I was at my local Tesco’s store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I’d lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter’s arse and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I’m now banned from Tesco’s.

Better watch what you ask retired people.

They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.
How's The Irish Setter doing?
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Jan 16, 2016 6:27 PM CST I've been banned from Tescos
tomcatwarne: I’ve Been Banned From Tesco’s
Yesterday I was at my local Tesco’s store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I’d lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter’s arse and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I’m now banned from Tesco’s.

Better watch what you ask retired people.

They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.
I'm guessing Tesco is England's version of Ralph's, or Kroger, or Walmart. Right?
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Jan 16, 2016 6:36 PM CST I've been banned from Tescos
Johnny5IA
Johnny5IAJohnny5IAFuengirola, Andalusia Spain41 Threads 1 Polls 1,051 Posts
rohaan: I'm guessing Tesco is England's version of Ralph's, or Kroger, or Walmart. Right?

We don´t know, tell us what they sell in Ralphs, Kroger and Walmart and we can compare uninteresting knowledge
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Jan 16, 2016 6:56 PM CST I've been banned from Tescos
Johnny5IA: We don´t know, tell us what they sell in Ralphs, Kroger and Walmart and we can compare uninteresting knowledge
Usually advertises as "one-stop-shopping"--home furnishings, clothing, electronics, groceries, pet food, and garden are the usual offerings. I know it may seem uninteresting to you, but there is a way around it--now I know this may seem a little complicated, but think this way: If you find yourself in a social media club talking about uninteresting things the solution would be-- to NOT find yourself in social media clubs talking about uninteresting things--yup, it's heavy, man.
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Jan 16, 2016 8:56 PM CST I've been banned from Tescos
rizlaredonline today!
rizlaredonline today!rizlaredTemp accom with my son, Worcestershire, England UK111 Threads 3 Polls 8,777 Posts
Tesco is the UK's largest supermarket chain, similar to walmart, it is too powerful and has a corrupt board of management, recently in the news for cooking the books.
They have stores worldwide.
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Jan 17, 2016 12:15 PM CST I've been banned from Tescos
rizlared: Tesco is the UK's largest supermarket chain, similar to walmart, it is too powerful and has a corrupt board of management, recently in the news for cooking the books.
They have stores worldwide.
Howdy. Thank you for the answer. (I hadn't heard of, or did not remember hearing of, Tesco). handshake
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Jan 18, 2016 3:14 AM CST I've been banned from Tescos
Dreamcatcher99
Dreamcatcher99Dreamcatcher99Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia6 Threads 2 Polls 1,397 Posts
They are huge here in Malaysia.

Was chatting on Skype with a Brit and told him that I just got back from Tesco's and he was like, "Wow! I wasn't aware that you have Tescos over there!!"

doh

Anyway, love the joke, Warnee laugh bouquet
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Jan 18, 2016 3:18 AM CST I've been banned from Tescos
tomcatwarne: I’ve Been Banned From Tesco’s
Yesterday I was at my local Tesco’s store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I’d lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter’s arse and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I’m now banned from Tesco’s.

Better watch what you ask retired people.

They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.
rolling on the floor laughing
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Jan 18, 2016 3:23 PM CST I've been banned from Tescos
Johnny5IA
Johnny5IAJohnny5IAFuengirola, Andalusia Spain41 Threads 1 Polls 1,051 Posts
rohaan: Usually advertises as "one-stop-shopping"--home furnishings, clothing, electronics, groceries, pet food, and garden are the usual offerings. I know it may seem uninteresting to you, but there is a way around it--now I know this may seem a little complicated, but think this way: If you find yourself in a social media club talking about uninteresting things the solution would be-- to NOT find yourself in social media clubs talking about uninteresting things--yup, it's heavy, man.

How can I find myself when there´s only one of me? I don´t get it
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Jan 18, 2016 3:28 PM CST I've been banned from Tescos
Da_Moose
Da_MooseDa_MooseWestlock, Alberta Canada76 Threads 2,632 Posts
tomcatwarne: I’ve Been Banned From Tesco’s
Yesterday I was at my local Tesco’s store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I’d lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter’s arse and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I’m now banned from Tesco’s.

Better watch what you ask retired people.

They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.


rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing Good one....although. to admit my eyesight and vision are both failing. I originally was treading this thinking you had been banned from TEXAS!

Signed. the guy who stood there wondering why Frisbbees appeared to get larger as they approached....and then it hit me!
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