Ocee102: The question to ask is if either of you would be upset to see the other kissing a new partner.If those feelings are still there for either, it's not really a friendship.
It's one or both sadly clinging to a buoy trying not to drown in the loss.
Oh yes, that must be awful if feelings are still there for the one that is dumped. Yay..
Da_Moose: Friends is a strange term...are there children involved? If so...at least be cordial!
Now that is a good question. When I divorced my ex of 28 years, our youngest (four lovely children, neither of us from any other ones, I was his first and only wife) was already 21 years old so there's no complication. In fact it was easy because we were practically heading to empty nesters.
But I didn't want to have anything to do with him after I left. He on the other hand wanted to restore friendship of which I declined. Then I moved out of the area and it was better. Strange, during the last year we are communicating as individuals and as cordial, but I would never say friends.
Da_Moose: Friends is a strange term...are there children involved? If so...at least be cordial!
Now that is a good question. When I divorced my ex of 28 years, our youngest (four lovely children, neither of us from any other ones, I was his first and only wife) was already 21 years old so there's no complication. In fact it was easy because we were practically heading to empty nesters.
But I didn't want to have anything to do with him after I left. He on the other hand wanted to restore friendship of which I declined. Then I moved out of the area and it was better. Strange, during the last year we are communicating as individuals and as cordial, but I would never say friends.
Track16: I tried once but it never worked out. I will never try again.
I gather that it didn't do you any good Track. It is okay to cut off complete communication. With my ex before I got married I didn't even want to think he existed. I mean in a good way. The fastest way to move on I believe personally is to really make it a past, folded and never to be reopened again.
My last relationship of two years and ended in August 2013, wow that was a fast one. I have our pictures and my mind goes back to those lovely memories but even his sister that said, she truly loved me, unfriended me on facebook. lol...I am happy of course. It is easier to move on if there is no more connection at all except remembering the memeories.
That to me is a good reason why friendship should never be cultivated between two exes after it is over. But that is me.
lindsyjones: Now that is a good question. When I divorced my ex of 28 years, our youngest (four lovely children, neither of us from any other ones, I was his first and only wife) was already 21 years old so there's no complication. In fact it was easy because we were practically heading to empty nesters.
But I didn't want to have anything to do with him after I left. He on the other hand wanted to restore friendship of which I declined. Then I moved out of the area and it was better. Strange, during the last year we are communicating as individuals and as cordial, but I would never say friends.
Then, and only when IMHO, when children are not involved, then it is simply a matter of choice, There was a reason for the breakup...if this reason does not allow for a continuing friendship...then so be it. Life moves on. But it always wise, even if the children are adults, to explain what has occurred!
Da_Moose: Then, and only when IMHO, when children are not involved, then it is simply a matter of choice, There was a reason for the breakup...if this reason does not allow for a continuing friendship...then so be it. Life moves on. But it always wise, even if the children are adults, to explain what has occurred!
Oh yes, my eldest who is 29 and the middle daughter knows everything and they are instrumental convincing me to get back to their dad, but there is nothing to be back into. He is a good man, and for what is worth, it is easy to be friends, and it is natural when we speak, we are very cordial. My youngest, now 25 who adores me so dearly couldn't care less. He never spoke with his dad for the last 4 years but it is getting better and I am very happy.
lindsyjones: Oh yes, my eldest who is 29 and the middle daughter knows everything and they are instrumental convincing me to get back to their dad, but there is nothing to be back into. He is a good man, and for what is worth, it is easy to be friends, and it is natural when we speak, we are very cordial. My youngest, now 25 who adores me so dearly couldn't care less. He never spoke with his dad for the last 4 years but it is getting better and I am very happy.
Hey...if the kids understand...then it is a matter of choice. Sometimes mommies and daddies just got to move on!
Da_Moose: Hey...if the kids understand...then it is a matter of choice. Sometimes mommies and daddies just got to move on!
That is exactly a very healthy decision Moose and I can fairly say that my divorce was a friendly one albeit, took a lot of energy because of the length of time we put in it. Quite frankly after that relationship, I felt truly blessed and accepted to live alone and be free but we never know sometimes.
Da_Moose: Hey...if the kids understand...then it is a matter of choice. Sometimes mommies and daddies just got to move on!
That is exactly a very healthy decision Moose and I can fairly say that my divorce was a friendly one albeit, took a lot of energy because of the length of time we put in it. Quite frankly after that relationship, I felt truly blessed and accepted to live alone and be free but we never know sometimes.
TheRedSquirrel87Manchester, Greater Manchester, England UK1,107 posts
lindsyjones: Can you really be friends with whom you just dumped?
Or is there a need?
If you're passionate then it's all or nothing. To me a friendship is almost a mark of disrespect to the love you once had. If I did carry on a friendship with her it would be for a practical reason(such as the kids). Imo friendships after relationships are wooden and they're for people with tepid passion.
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Or is there a need?