Emotional blackmail ( Archived) (46)

Jun 12, 2016 2:59 AM CST Emotional blackmail
allthegoodnamest
allthegoodnamestallthegoodnamestLondon, Essex, England UK40 Threads 4,697 Posts
I remember a while back a young lady took an overdose due of an argument that led us to a breakup.. Me , being the sensitive type , decided to rekindle the relationship purely out of guilt, only for her to terminate the relationship a few months later... I think she realised my heart wasn't in it..
My question is, have ever been emotionally blackmailed into staying in a relationship?
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Jun 12, 2016 8:59 AM CST Emotional blackmail
allthegoodnamest: I remember a while back a young lady took an overdose due of an argument that led us to a breakup.. Me , being the sensitive type , decided to rekindle the relationship purely out of guilt, only for her to terminate the relationship a few months later... I think she realised my heart wasn't in it..
My question is, have ever been emotionally blackmailed into staying in a relationship?



yes
i could of had the best women but because i stigmatized myself and i settled for the worst at the time...

its all changed now i have freedom
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Jun 12, 2016 9:51 AM CST Emotional blackmail
MikeD12
MikeD12MikeD12Broadstairs, Kent, England UK16 Threads 2 Polls 2,809 Posts
I had one who tried after she gave me the chop when we had been together for 6 months over an argument about a high mobile phone bill demand that she got and took to drink.-
A week later she asked me to let us try again and help pay the bill but I wasn't having any the second time after she hit the bottle. 2 years on in 2013 she phoned me pleading to meet at her flat saying she was ill,
so I went as she was only a mile away. She was plastered, and wanted me to stay all night with her so I walked out.
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Jun 12, 2016 2:06 PM CST Emotional blackmail
allthegoodnamest
allthegoodnamestallthegoodnamestLondon, Essex, England UK40 Threads 4,697 Posts
MikeD12: I had one who tried after she gave me the chop when we had been together for 6 months over an argument about a high mobile phone bill demand that she got and took to drink.-
A week later she asked me to let us try again and help pay the bill but I wasn't having any the second time after she hit the bottle. 2 years on in 2013 she phoned me pleading to meet at her flat saying she was ill,
so I went as she was only a mile away. She was plastered, and wanted me to stay all night with her so I walked out.


I'm intrigued to find out who payed the bill.
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Jun 12, 2016 2:09 PM CST Emotional blackmail
allthegoodnamest
allthegoodnamestallthegoodnamestLondon, Essex, England UK40 Threads 4,697 Posts
pedro27: yes
i could of had the best women but because i stigmatized myself and i settled for the worst at the time...

its all changed now i have freedom


Next time you have to make a decision, whatever choice you think is right, do the opposite .professor laugh
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Jun 12, 2016 2:24 PM CST Emotional blackmail
MikeD12
MikeD12MikeD12Broadstairs, Kent, England UK16 Threads 2 Polls 2,809 Posts
allthegoodnamest: I'm intrigued to find out who payed the bill.


Not me !!
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Jun 12, 2016 8:41 PM CST Emotional blackmail
jono7
jono7jono7Out West, British Columbia Canada3 Threads 8,017 Posts
allthegoodnamest: I remember a while back a young lady took an overdose due of an argument that led us to a breakup.. Me , being the sensitive type , decided to rekindle the relationship purely out of guilt, only for her to terminate the relationship a few months later... I think she realised my heart wasn't in it..
My question is, have ever been emotionally blackmailed into staying in a relationship?
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Jun 12, 2016 8:54 PM CST Emotional blackmail
jono7
jono7jono7Out West, British Columbia Canada3 Threads 8,017 Posts
allthegoodnamest: I remember a while back a young lady took an overdose due of an argument that led us to a breakup.. Me , being the sensitive type , decided to rekindle the relationship purely out of guilt, only for her to terminate the relationship a few months later... I think she realised my heart wasn't in it..
My question is, have ever been emotionally blackmailed into staying in a relationship?


oops...sorry for the repeat post.

one has to agree to be manipulated, and that includes either emotional blackmail or emotional extortion.

it's difficult sometimes to accept that one is responsible for one's own choices. it's sooooo much easier to blame.

i remind myself that everyone's doing the best they can. for some...taking responsibility for their own choices (which includes not knowing how to get the attention they seek in a positive manner) means learning something different than what they learned at home. Learning to discuss and negotiate in a relationship takes commitment.

having said that... i think staying in a relationship 'out of guilt' is primarily a selfish act, and it requires treating your partner with dishonesty and disrespect.
if honesty and respect were in place, one would tell their partner they no longer wanted to be in the relationship.

guilt lets you know you are not acting from a heart place. it also keeps you stuck in a kind of victim mode.
having compassion for self and other is a way to avoid feeling guilty.

in answer to your question...
yes, i have experienced emotional extortion/blackmail in an unhealthy relationship.




wine
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Jun 12, 2016 8:57 PM CST Emotional blackmail
this happened to me years ago....this girl came round my folks home..pushing a pram.....looked in the pram...said to mum/dad..i,m not paying.....professor ...snooty snooty snooty they said why not..?????said to them......I.m not black.very mad rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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Jun 12, 2016 9:10 PM CST Emotional blackmail
jono7: oops...sorry for the repeat post.

one has to agree to be manipulated, and that includes either emotional blackmail or emotional extortion.

it's difficult sometimes to accept that one is responsible for one's own choices. it's sooooo much easier to blame.

i remind myself that everyone's doing the best they can. for some...taking responsibility for their own choices (which includes not knowing how to get the attention they seek in a positive manner) means learning something different than what they learned at home. Learning to discuss and negotiate in a relationship takes commitment.

having said that... i think staying in a relationship 'out of guilt' is primarily a selfish act, and it requires treating your partner with dishonesty and disrespect.
if honesty and respect were in place, one would tell their partner they no longer wanted to be in the relationship.

guilt lets you know you are not acting from a heart place. it also keeps you stuck in a kind of victim mode.
having compassion for self and other is a way to avoid feeling guilty.

in answer to your question...
yes, i have experienced emotional extortion/blackmail in an unhealthy relationship.
And you still came out of that with your golden heart intact. hug
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Jun 12, 2016 10:00 PM CST Emotional blackmail
lemonsieur
lemonsieurlemonsieursamos, North Aegean Greece3 Threads 1 Polls 76 Posts
jono7: oops...sorry for the repeat post.

one has to agree to be manipulated, and that includes either emotional blackmail or emotional extortion.

it's difficult sometimes to accept that one is responsible for one's own choices. it's sooooo much easier to blame.

i remind myself that everyone's doing the best they can. for some...taking responsibility for their own choices (which includes not knowing how to get the attention they seek in a positive manner) means learning something different than what they learned at home. Learning to discuss and negotiate in a relationship takes commitment.

having said that... i think staying in a relationship 'out of guilt' is primarily a selfish act, and it requires treating your partner with dishonesty and disrespect.
if honesty and respect were in place, one would tell their partner they no longer wanted to be in the relationship.

guilt lets you know you are not acting from a heart place. it also keeps you stuck in a kind of victim mode.
having compassion for self and other is a way to avoid feeling guilty.

in answer to your question...
yes, i have experienced emotional extortion/blackmail in an unhealthy relationship.


i think we are all capable if not predisposed to emotional extortion. To NOT do it is a choice that one consciously makes. On the other hand people that are comfortable with emotional extortion who think it is OK, they also have impeccable timing, sometimes saving that trait of theirs for years, until it is suitable to them. this of course leads to the recipients of the extortion realizing after sometimes many years, that their partner/ friend/ relative, is actually a very different person.
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Jun 13, 2016 8:29 AM CST Emotional blackmail
allthegoodnamest
allthegoodnamestallthegoodnamestLondon, Essex, England UK40 Threads 4,697 Posts
rohaan: Oh, sorry, there was a bit more:

So, they have you cornered or "blackmailed" because you cannot respond without being seen negatively by the others. You are "trapped", so to speak, into their mean and nasty 'game'.

Sorry for the late respond but I've been a little preoccupied with other posts recently..
Yeh, I remember you having mentioned this a while back.. I would have thought everything would have been sorted by now... Nevertheless, I expect a man of your integrity to rise above this so called blackmailing ... cheers
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Jun 13, 2016 8:41 AM CST Emotional blackmail
allthegoodnamest
allthegoodnamestallthegoodnamestLondon, Essex, England UK40 Threads 4,697 Posts
jono7: oops...sorry for the repeat post.

one has to agree to be manipulated, and that includes either emotional blackmail or emotional extortion.

it's difficult sometimes to accept that one is responsible for one's own choices. it's sooooo much easier to blame.

i remind myself that everyone's doing the best they can. for some...taking responsibility for their own choices (which includes not knowing how to get the attention they seek in a positive manner) means learning something different than what they learned at home. Learning to discuss and negotiate in a relationship takes commitment.

having said that... i think staying in a relationship 'out of guilt' is primarily a selfish act, and it requires treating your partner with dishonesty and disrespect.
if honesty and respect were in place, one would tell their partner they no longer wanted to be in the relationship.

guilt lets you know you are not acting from a heart place. it also keeps you stuck in a kind of victim mode.
having compassion for self and other is a way to avoid feeling guilty.

in answer to your question...
yes, i have experienced emotional extortion/blackmail in an unhealthy relationship.


I would be surprised if anyone who has been involved in a relationship hasn't witnessed some sort of emotional blackmail.. I suppose dealing with it in a dignified manner comes with experience. Once bitten , twice shy, so to speak.. Maybe I did deal with it in a cowardly way , I admit, but it happened just once & without being ruthless , it never happened again.bouquet
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Jun 13, 2016 1:07 PM CST Emotional blackmail
KremaP
KremaPKremaPAt home, Shumen Bulgaria3,793 Posts
My first boyfriend tried to commit a suicide at our front door after few months of stalking me literally day and night...
We actually broke up peacefully...and he replaced me quite fast, so don't know why he did it, I just couldn't even look at him after the "show"...
I was 18 at the time and guess that left a strange taste in my mouth for the rest of my life... Not that he was the only one acting weird...
Wonder why I want to be single?! laugh
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Jun 13, 2016 1:59 PM CST Emotional blackmail
TheRedSquirrel87
TheRedSquirrel87TheRedSquirrel87Manchester, Greater Manchester, England UK1 Threads 1,107 Posts
KremaP: My first boyfriend tried to commit a suicide at our front door after few months of stalking me literally day and night...
We actually broke up peacefully...and he replaced me quite fast, so don't know why he did it, I just couldn't even look at him after the "show"...
I was 18 at the time and guess that left a strange taste in my mouth for the rest of my life... Not that he was the only one acting weird...
Wonder why I want to be single?!


Lucky you! Oh how I wish someone would kill themselves over me. What's not attractive about self-harm?
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Jun 13, 2016 6:39 PM CST Emotional blackmail
jono7
jono7jono7Out West, British Columbia Canada3 Threads 8,017 Posts
YouMeUs: And you still came out of that with your golden heart intact.



.........awwwwwww......blushing

(thank you)
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Jun 13, 2016 6:46 PM CST Emotional blackmail
jono7
jono7jono7Out West, British Columbia Canada3 Threads 8,017 Posts
lemonsieur: i think we are all capable if not predisposed to emotional extortion. To NOT do it is a choice that one consciously makes. On the other hand people that are comfortable with emotional extortion who think it is OK, they also have impeccable timing, sometimes saving that trait of theirs for years, until it is suitable to them. this of course leads to the recipients of the extortion realizing after sometimes many years, that their partner/ friend/ relative, is actually a very different person.


no argument from me....cuz i don't know..... laugh

i think one's perception has a lot to do with things/folks.
that's why one person can respond entirely differently than another person to the same set of circumstances.
how you think about things creates your perception...
'your perception is your reality'.

not to mention, we're all in a constant state of change which will effect our choices.

as well....who ever really knows another person..? isn't it often cluttered with projection?

dunno
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Jun 13, 2016 6:52 PM CST Emotional blackmail
jono7
jono7jono7Out West, British Columbia Canada3 Threads 8,017 Posts
allthegoodnamest: I would be surprised if anyone who has been involved in a relationship hasn't witnessed some sort of emotional blackmail.. I suppose dealing with it in a dignified manner comes with experience. Once bitten , twice shy, so to speak.. Maybe I did deal with it in a cowardly way , I admit, but it happened just once & without being ruthless , it never happened again.


we all make our choices based on our 'need' in the moment...
onward ...
wine

i hope you read the part about compassion for self...
(afterall...you're gonna be in a relationship with yourself no matter where ya go.... laugh)
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Jun 14, 2016 3:04 AM CST Emotional blackmail
KremaP
KremaPKremaPAt home, Shumen Bulgaria3,793 Posts
TheRedSquirrel87: Lucky you! Oh how I wish someone would kill themselves over me. What's not attractive about self-harm?





Aren't there any yet? laugh
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Jun 30, 2016 5:31 AM CST Emotional blackmail
OgGoDeo
OgGoDeoOgGoDeogalway, Galway Ireland19 Threads 248 Posts
allthegoodnamest: I remember a while back a young lady took an overdose due of an argument that led us to a breakup.. Me , being the sensitive type , decided to rekindle the relationship purely out of guilt, only for her to terminate the relationship a few months later... I think she realised my heart wasn't in it..
My question is, have ever been emotionally blackmailed into staying in a relationship?
...Hi Al..I hope you don't mind me giving a small opinion.....Well...my personal opinion is that....especially when somebody is a nice ordinary, down to earth person, probably more used to meeting people in real life every day....it is aa little different if people meet in this virtual world....it actually gets more difficult to say your true feelings than it would in real life.....a lot easier behind our laptops!.....buy, in the end.....a lot easier for one or the other to get hurt....nobody wants that but it can happen if somebody takes virtual too seriously.......at the end of the day it can happen that the person who is actually the nicest can end up being the biggest devil....handshake
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