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French Military Unveils New Weapon:‘AIR’ TANKS
PARIS, France — "Killing people breeds bad will," said French General Henri Petain. "So our plan for the future is to

replace all our weapons with non-lethal versions to show the world that peace is our only goal."

Starting in 2017, the French military's Leclerc-armored combat vehicles will be fitted with O2 cartridges," said Petain.

"Now, instead of firing high explosive rounds, they will shoot compressed air at their targets."

Crews are being trained to work these new oxygen tanks, which will have a different impact on the enemy than they're

accustomed to.

"O2 blasts won't demolish buildings the way standard ammunition does," said Gen. Petain. "Instead, all doors and windows

will be blown off, giving our ground troops easy access. This will be preferable to entering a smoking ruin with dead

bodies everywhere."

In addition, human targets will no longer be pulverized by a tank invasion. "They'll just be blown off their feet and have

the wind knocked out of them," said the military officer. "Believe it or not, an enemy who is short of breath is easier to

overcome than a bleeding one. That won’t drain our medical resources and, again, it will show the world that we're not out

for blood."

Furthermore, removing the standard ammunition from the tanks will give the French a tactical advantage.

"The Leclercs will be lighter and faster," said Gen. Petain. "They will be able to cover twice as much ground as before,

whether charging toward or away from a battle site.”

Gen. Petain hopes to add O2 missiles to the French arsenal in the near future.

“We believe that nothing will cause an enemy to flee faster than a blast of hot air from France.”

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