Do you keep photos, letters (or e-mails), cards, poems, small gifts from previous relationships? Or do you throw everything away once the relationship is over?
I used to keep everything. Then, a year ago, I decided to take a look at all those memories and the whole idea started to seem absurd. For example, I caught myself reading a love poem written by a boyfriend I was in a relationship with 20 years ago, I haven't seen for more than 10 years and who is now happily married with two children! So, I decided to throw away (and delete) everything from previous relationships, except photos (because they were my photos, too, as well as the photos of some friends, places we visited, etc.) and some gifts that I thought shouldn't be thrown away just because the one who gifted them was an ex-boyfriend (like books, etc.).
What do you do with your old memories? Those of you who threw them away - did you ever regret it? And those of you who keep them - do you ever worry that your future partner might see them and wouldn't like it?
Years ago I met a girl in London, she was just visiting for the day, we chatted for an hour, exchanged addresses, ( she lived miles away) we exchanged a few letters but never got around to meeting. But we've exchanged Christmas cards for 40 years!
Maya74: Do you keep photos, letters (or e-mails), cards, poems, small gifts from previous relationships? Or do you throw everything away once the relationship is over?
I used to keep everything. Then, a year ago, I decided to take a look at all those memories and the whole idea started to seem absurd. For example, I caught myself reading a love poem written by a boyfriend I was in a relationship with 20 years ago, I haven't seen for more than 10 years and who is now happily married with two children! So, I decided to throw away (and delete) everything from previous relationships, except photos (because they were my photos, too, as well as the photos of some friends, places we visited, etc.) and some gifts that I thought shouldn't be thrown away just because the one who gifted them was an ex-boyfriend (like books, etc.).
What do you do with your old memories? Those of you who threw them away - did you ever regret it? And those of you who keep them - do you ever worry that your future partner might see them and wouldn't like it?
Memories are part of our lives.
I know some people like to get rid of everything once they have got rid of the partner, but if you have good memories from it, and bear no ill-will towards your ex, I can't see why you'd want to delete it from your life.
Maya74: Do you keep photos, letters (or e-mails), cards, poems, small gifts from previous relationships? Or do you throw everything away once the relationship is over?
I used to keep everything. Then, a year ago, I decided to take a look at all those memories and the whole idea started to seem absurd. For example, I caught myself reading a love poem written by a boyfriend I was in a relationship with 20 years ago, I haven't seen for more than 10 years and who is now happily married with two children! So, I decided to throw away (and delete) everything from previous relationships, except photos (because they were my photos, too, as well as the photos of some friends, places we visited, etc.) and some gifts that I thought shouldn't be thrown away just because the one who gifted them was an ex-boyfriend (like books, etc.).
What do you do with your old memories? Those of you who threw them away - did you ever regret it? And those of you who keep them - do you ever worry that your future partner might see them and wouldn't like it?
I would say you are a sentimental person who holds on to the emotions of the past. There is nothing wrong with that.
I have postcards and letters from many years ago: ex-wife, daughter, relatives..Some of them I don't even see or talk to anymore. While I would have no problem throwing some into the garbage, I have just not had the time to go through them to throw them out. Maybe when I retire?
I know some people like to get rid of everything once they have got rid of the partner, but if you have good memories from it, and bear no ill-will towards your ex, I can't see why you'd want to delete it from your life.
So true. I sometimes wonder why people do this. Of course some people just like to live spartan existences, some do not form attachments to anything/anyone, and some just see it as the best way to not have to think about the person or thing.
DedovixBig Place, Central Serbia Serbia5,492 posts
Maya74: Do you keep photos, letters (or e-mails), cards, poems, small gifts from previous relationships? Or do you throw everything away once the relationship is over?
I used to keep everything. Then, a year ago, I decided to take a look at all those memories and the whole idea started to seem absurd. For example, I caught myself reading a love poem written by a boyfriend I was in a relationship with 20 years ago, I haven't seen for more than 10 years and who is now happily married with two children! So, I decided to throw away (and delete) everything from previous relationships, except photos (because they were my photos, too, as well as the photos of some friends, places we visited, etc.) and some gifts that I thought shouldn't be thrown away just because the one who gifted them was an ex-boyfriend (like books, etc.).
What do you do with your old memories? Those of you who threw them away - did you ever regret it? And those of you who keep them - do you ever worry that your future partner might see them and wouldn't like it?
Lonely1: So true. I sometimes wonder why people do this. Of course some people just like to live spartan existences, some do not form attachments to anything/anyone, and some just see it as the best way to not have to think about the person or thing.
I have never dated anybody I didn't like as a person, and we never had an acrimonious split, so I see them as important parts of the formation of me as a person. We learn from everyone
Maya74: Do you keep photos, letters (or e-mails), cards, poems, small gifts from previous relationships? Or do you throw everything away once the relationship is over?
I used to keep everything. Then, a year ago, I decided to take a look at all those memories and the whole idea started to seem absurd. For example, I caught myself reading a love poem written by a boyfriend I was in a relationship with 20 years ago, I haven't seen for more than 10 years and who is now happily married with two children! So, I decided to throw away (and delete) everything from previous relationships, except photos (because they were my photos, too, as well as the photos of some friends, places we visited, etc.) and some gifts that I thought shouldn't be thrown away just because the one who gifted them was an ex-boyfriend (like books, etc.).
What do you do with your old memories? Those of you who threw them away - did you ever regret it? And those of you who keep them - do you ever worry that your future partner might see them and wouldn't like it?
carpenters made a good song about yesterday once more,karen was a good singer/rip.
Maya74: Do you keep photos, letters (or e-mails), cards, poems, small gifts from previous relationships? Or do you throw everything away once the relationship is over?
I used to keep everything. Then, a year ago, I decided to take a look at all those memories and the whole idea started to seem absurd. For example, I caught myself reading a love poem written by a boyfriend I was in a relationship with 20 years ago, I haven't seen for more than 10 years and who is now happily married with two children! So, I decided to throw away (and delete) everything from previous relationships, except photos (because they were my photos, too, as well as the photos of some friends, places we visited, etc.) and some gifts that I thought shouldn't be thrown away just because the one who gifted them was an ex-boyfriend (like books, etc.).
What do you do with your old memories? Those of you who threw them away - did you ever regret it? And those of you who keep them - do you ever worry that your future partner might see them and wouldn't like it?
You can't erase the past , so why destroy it? You can't deny the past, especially myself, who has been married and my daughter can only be a constant reminder of that.
Most people who destroy memorabilia, do it themselves to forget bad memories, or good, because the relationship ended.
One2note: Most people who destroy memorabilia, do it themselves to forget bad memories, or good, because the relationship ended.
It doesn't have to be the reason... To me - it just seemed ridiculous at the moment - keeping letters, poems, cards, notes, some small gifts that meant something to us only - while it was all so long time ago and we don't share those feelings any more. Memories always remain inside us and make us what we are now. I didn't destroyed all - I kept the photos and some (meaningful :D ) gifts. :)
So far, I can see that our CS members keep their old love memories. :)
Don't you worry about your future partner? What if he/she is a jealous person and doesn't like that at all?
Maya74: It doesn't have to be the reason... To me - it just seemed ridiculous at the moment - keeping letters, poems, cards, notes, some small gifts that meant something to us only - while it was all so long time ago and we don't share those feelings any more. Memories always remain inside us and make us what we are now. I didn't destroyed all - I kept the photos and some (meaningful :D ) gifts. :)
So far, I can see that our CS members keep their old love memories. :)
Don't you worry about your future partner? What if he/she is a jealous person and doesn't like that at all?
It happened on several occasions!
After my divorce, I became a single father to my daughter & Not all my dates were understanding to my situation. They just couldn't handle the bond between us??
Anyway, that was then & she's grown up & I don't regret the past.
It doesn't have to be the reason... To me - it just seemed ridiculous at the moment - keeping letters, poems, cards, notes, some small gifts that meant something to us only - while it was all so long time ago and we don't share those feelings any more. Memories always remain inside us and make us what we are now. I didn't destroyed all - I kept the photos and some (meaningful :D ) gifts. :)
So far, I can see that our CS members keep their old love memories. :)
Don't you worry about your future partner? What if he/she is a jealous person and doesn't like that at all?[/quote
I would agree with you Maya. I keep the photos as I love them. But anything else I've gotten rid of not necessarily because it's from them..I normally do a clear out twice or three times a year anyways so they naturally go once they have served their purpose.
Hold no ill will towards any ex....but I don't feel the need to hold onto things for very long.
Maya74: Do you keep photos, letters (or e-mails), cards, poems, small gifts from previous relationships? Or do you throw everything away once the relationship is over?
I used to keep everything. Then, a year ago, I decided to take a look at all those memories and the whole idea started to seem absurd. For example, I caught myself reading a love poem written by a boyfriend I was in a relationship with 20 years ago, I haven't seen for more than 10 years and who is now happily married with two children! So, I decided to throw away (and delete) everything from previous relationships, except photos (because they were my photos, too, as well as the photos of some friends, places we visited, etc.) and some gifts that I thought shouldn't be thrown away just because the one who gifted them was an ex-boyfriend (like books, etc.).
What do you do with your old memories? Those of you who threw them away - did you ever regret it? And those of you who keep them - do you ever worry that your future partner might see them and wouldn't like it?
I keep photos and some practical presents, some of these we picked out together. I don't keep letters or text messages. For me to move on, I don't want any contact with my ex and break with the past.
Maya74: It doesn't have to be the reason... To me - it just seemed ridiculous at the moment - keeping letters, poems, cards, notes, some small gifts that meant something to us only - while it was all so long time ago and we don't share those feelings any more. Memories always remain inside us and make us what we are now. I didn't destroyed all - I kept the photos and some (meaningful :D ) gifts. :)
So far, I can see that our CS members keep their old love memories. :)
Don't you worry about your future partner? What if he/she is a jealous person and doesn't like that at all?
Personally, I've NEVER been attached to "things". I've led a somewhat tumultuous life, and "things" have come and gone. And I've never been particularly sentimental. The thing that MATTERS, to me, is I've got the memories stored up, in my head. And I can spend some time rummaging around in my memory ANYTIME I get the urge. But, as far as being concerned about some new love finding evidence of an old love of mine, if she was a person who was upset by/about my past, who couldn't accept that I HAD had other loves before her, that I had a life BEFORE she became a part of it, my BEST guess is that we WOULDN'T last, anyway. I'm NOT a jealous man. And I ESPECIALLY wouldn't be jealous of a memory! The idea just DOESN'T "compute", in MY head. If I'm with a woman, it's because I WANT to be with that woman. And any previous women I've been with would have NO BEARING, on THAT! And, if a woman wants to be with me, I'm happy (usually (-: ). But if some lady that NO LONGER EXIST makes her feel insecure, and UNhappy, about being with me, then I'll just wish her well, and be on my way! I DON'T want a woman WITH me, who ISN'T "happy" being there! She'll end up making ME UNhappy, too. And life's to short to be unhappy MORE than you absolutely MUST be. So I'll wish her the best, and we can part on good terms. Even still be friends. I've even told some of my MORE significant others, that if this or that old female friend of mine EVER knocked on our door, she BETTER invite her in, and offer her the best we had to offer. Of course, there are only two female friends that I will say that about! But, if my woman refused to do this, THAT would be cause for a MAJOR ruckus, between us! But I have no romantic interest in EITHER of these two women. And I seriously DOUBT that either will ever end up on my doorstep with their hand out. But BOTH of these women EARNED/DESERVE ALL my respect! They were BETTER people than I was! And treated me BETTER than I deserved. They were GOOD people, and deserve ANYTHING "I" can do, for them. But neither of them would be a threat to my present relationship. So I would REFUSE to turn them away! And any woman that was WORTHY of MY love, would just have to accept! If she couldn't/wouldn't, then I'd have to REexamine OUR relationship! If I'm with a woman, it's because I WANT to be. And I'll give most ANYTHING she desires (if I can). But there are SOME "THINGS" I WILL NOT DO! And that's turn my back on a "friend". I DON'T mean an "acquaintance". I mean a FRIEND! INCLUDING her! And, if she INSISTS that I do, then she's NOT the FRIEND "I" want! So, no, I wouldn't be concerned that a new lover found some evidence of an old lover of mine. After all, I'm NOT with that old lover! I'm with my PRESENT lover! So what is there for her to get upset about? I just DON'T think I would EVER be able to understand such a thing.
Here's two poems that sorta bear on MY thoughts, about old friends (which is how "I" see most of my old lovers).
Memories
I know, my friend That, in the end We will begin To wear the funny edges off Of our affair
But, until then I'd like to spend Tomorrow in Enjoying All the things we two can share
Then if, my friend Somewhere, Some when There comes an end And we must part Going each our separate ways
Though time's unkind We still may find Within our mind Fond memories Of those long forgotten days
And for a while They'll make us smile Turn back the dial To days when joy and laughter Were our only guide
To days we shared To days we cared To days we dared To when we walked together Side by side
The Dying Day
The dying day Will fade away And slip into the night
And as it dies A seagull cries While soaring by in flight
The lonely sounds Of surf abounds And makes me think of you
Of what we shared And how we cared And all the things we'd do
We'd sit above The sea you loved And watch the dying day
And once you asked Why does life pass So soon to pass away
And I replied "It's like the tide That washes yonder shore
It ebbs and flows It comes and goes And no one knows what for
Don't look behind For time's unkind Enjoy this summer's sun
Don't look before Or ask for more Then, when all's said and done
We won't regret A missed sunset We'll simply laugh and say
I still recall We loved it all Yes, every passing day
Remember when Once, way back then When we were not so gray"
NO ONE is promised ANYTHING! We must learn to appreciate what we have, when we have it. Trying to live on promises/hopes/dreams/desires/memories is a futile quest. And we'll NEVER find happiness/joy/love, THAT way. Enjoy what you have! And when you no longer have it (which is the MOST likely outcome), cherish the memories, but don't live in those memories. Live in your NEW life! And build NEW memories, to add to your store of old memories, Yes. I HAVE memories. (Maybe you have momentos.) And I'll have those memories for as long as I live. Can I NOT have those memories? I suppose so. But WHY would I WANT to NOT have them? Should my NEW friends dislike/be afraid of those memories? Personally, "I" would like to know/share those memories, both my own, and those of my new friend. The things that make up those memories are what made me ME! And if it WEREN'T for those "things", then I wouldn't be the person she wants to be with. And she wouldn't be the person "I" want to be with. So WHY would/should I dislike/fear them? And WHY should/would she? The logic of such an idea escapes me!
No, I don't drag anything behind me...the past is a past, and an ex is an ex for a reason... I have not seen any of my ex-s after the break up, except the father of my son... My love life starts anew with every relationship and there is no space for skeletons in it...
Maya74: Do you keep photos, letters (or e-mails), cards, poems, small gifts from previous relationships? Or do you throw everything away once the relationship is over?
I used to keep everything. Then, a year ago, I decided to take a look at all those memories and the whole idea started to seem absurd. For example, I caught myself reading a love poem written by a boyfriend I was in a relationship with 20 years ago, I haven't seen for more than 10 years and who is now happily married with two children! So, I decided to throw away (and delete) everything from previous relationships, except photos (because they were my photos, too, as well as the photos of some friends, places we visited, etc.) and some gifts that I thought shouldn't be thrown away just because the one who gifted them was an ex-boyfriend (like books, etc.).
What do you do with your old memories? Those of you who threw them away - did you ever regret it? And those of you who keep them - do you ever worry that your future partner might see them and wouldn't like it?
I have nothing from any ex's but I do have every picture of every cat and dog I had in the last 15 years stored on the laptop and external memory just in case
KremaP: No, I don't drag anything behind me...the past is a past, and an ex is an ex for a reason... I have not seen any of my ex-s after the break up, except the father of my son... My love life starts anew with every relationship and there is no space for skeletons in it...
dont look back,it leads 2 depression,etc.yesterdays gone!
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I used to keep everything. Then, a year ago, I decided to take a look at all those memories and the whole idea started to seem absurd. For example, I caught myself reading a love poem written by a boyfriend I was in a relationship with 20 years ago, I haven't seen for more than 10 years and who is now happily married with two children! So, I decided to throw away (and delete) everything from previous relationships, except photos (because they were my photos, too, as well as the photos of some friends, places we visited, etc.) and some gifts that I thought shouldn't be thrown away just because the one who gifted them was an ex-boyfriend (like books, etc.).
What do you do with your old memories? Those of you who threw them away - did you ever regret it? And those of you who keep them - do you ever worry that your future partner might see them and wouldn't like it?