Humor in the chuch.................funny me thinks ( Archived) (7)

Dec 27, 2017 12:36 PM CST Humor in the chuch.................funny me thinks
britishcolumbian
britishcolumbianbritishcolumbianunknown, British Columbia Canada153 Threads 894 Posts
Closing sermon words

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365: "Shall We Gather at the River."


Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.
One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, me dog is dead.
Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church.
But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe.
Maybe they'll do something for the creature."
Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father.
Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"
Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus!
Why did ya' not tell me the dog was Catholic?

Father O'Malley answers the phone. "Hello, is this Father O'Malley?"
"It is"
"This is the IRS. Can you help us?"
"I can"
"Do you know a Ted Houlihan?"
"I do"
"Is he a member of your congregation?"
"He is"
"Did he donate $10,000 to the church?"
"He will".
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Dec 28, 2017 3:26 AM CST Humor in the chuch.................funny me thinks
yubba
yubbayubbaCaspe, Aragon Spain11 Threads 1,962 Posts
britishcolumbian: Closing sermon words

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365: "Shall We Gather at the River."

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.
One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, me dog is dead.
Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church.
But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe.
Maybe they'll do something for the creature."
Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father.
Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"
Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus!
Why did ya' not tell me the dog was Catholic?

Father O'Malley answers the phone. "Hello, is this Father O'Malley?"
"It is"
"This is the IRS. Can you help us?"
"I can"
"Do you know a Ted Houlihan?"
"I do"
"Is he a member of your congregation?"
"He is"
"Did he donate $10,000 to the church?"
"He will".





.
I remember the vicar in church saying "Will someone choose a Hymn" and a Queer stood up and pointed at another guy and said "Ooh can I have him?"......................
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Dec 28, 2017 10:31 AM CST Humor in the chuch.................funny me thinks
britishcolumbian
britishcolumbianbritishcolumbianunknown, British Columbia Canada153 Threads 894 Posts
yubba: .
I remember the vicar in church saying "Will someone choose a Hymn" and a Queer stood up and pointed at another guy and said "Ooh can I have him?"......................



rolling on the floor laughing Bet that didn't go over to well eh?
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Dec 28, 2017 12:18 PM CST Humor in the chuch.................funny me thinks
galrads
galradsgalradsDublin, Ohio USA2,264 Threads 279 Polls 36,283 Posts
yubba: .
I remember the vicar in church saying "Will someone choose a Hymn" and a Queer stood up and pointed at another guy and said "Ooh can I have him?"......................


That’s a Sunday ovvurance in churches here. handshake
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Dec 28, 2017 12:37 PM CST Humor in the chuch.................funny me thinks
galrads
galradsgalradsDublin, Ohio USA2,264 Threads 279 Polls 36,283 Posts
galrads: That’s a Sunday ovvurance in churches here.


occurance frustrated
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Dec 29, 2017 3:34 AM CST Humor in the chuch.................funny me thinks
yubba
yubbayubbaCaspe, Aragon Spain11 Threads 1,962 Posts
britishcolumbian: Closing sermon words

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365: "Shall We Gather at the River."

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.
One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, me dog is dead.
Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church.
But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe.
Maybe they'll do something for the creature."
Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father.
Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"
Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus!
Why did ya' not tell me the dog was Catholic?

Father O'Malley answers the phone. "Hello, is this Father O'Malley?"
"It is"
"This is the IRS. Can you help us?"
"I can"
"Do you know a Ted Houlihan?"
"I do"
"Is he a member of your congregation?"
"He is"
"Did he donate $10,000 to the church?"
"He will".


.
.
.
.
Going to church Sunday morning was always an important thing. I was out sowing my wild oats on Saturday night so l went to pray for a bad crop.
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Dec 29, 2017 12:38 PM CST Humor in the chuch.................funny me thinks
britishcolumbian
britishcolumbianbritishcolumbianunknown, British Columbia Canada153 Threads 894 Posts
Yuba you are bad...................wave wave wave
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