Is there such a thing as healthy jealousy in a loving relationship or does it just cause conflict? (36)
GregKeeganMoliagul, Victoria Australia12 Threads 87 PostsIf two people are in a healthy relationship, with trust, love and respect for each other, is there any place where jealousy should be within that relationship. How is it healthy or beneficial to a relationship or does it just stem from personal insecurities and fears around not being as good enough and that there are others who could be better for the partner regardless of how dedicated to you that they are? How does someone overcome jealousy in a relationship?
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I believe that if one is feeling insecure in the relationship, their partner has done or said something to make them feel this way. If there are concerns, they should discuss and address the issues if they want to save the relationship. Another issue may be one not trusting someone outside the relationship. What ever the cause, there is a solution if you both care to address it.
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And by the way, if you are in a healthy relationship, maybe you shouldn't be on a dating website.
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GregKeegan: If two people are in a healthy relationship, with trust, love and respect for each other, is there any place where jealousy should be within that relationship. How is it healthy or beneficial to a relationship or does it just stem from personal insecurities and fears around not being as good enough and that there are others who could be better for the partner regardless of how dedicated to you that they are? How does someone overcome jealousy in a relationship?
Jealousy is not a cause. Rather it is a trigger that implies something is wrong. Jealousy when it is understood why, then to me, it is not bad. But continues jealousy without justifiable reason is not healthy.
If a hint of jealousy surfaces in a relationship, it can both signify insecurity and unpleasant feeling as the result. When love is strong and both parties are willing to lay all the cards on the table, then that should resolve the issue. But only the both of you can make it either a learning curve of the relationship or the beginning of the decay.
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Marti2016: And by the way, if you are in a healthy relationship, maybe you shouldn't be on a dating website.
I'm not in any relationship. What would make you think or suggest that? The question was put forward to see what other people think about how or where jealousy can fit into or work in a relationship and why because I have seen it in so many and have been guilty of it as well in my younger days and that did stem from my own insecurities and had nothing to do with my partner of the time.
I'm just interested in other peoples thoughts on the subject.
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lindsyjones: Jealousy is not a cause. Rather it is a trigger that implies something is wrong. Jealousy when it is understood why, then to me, it is not bad. But continues jealousy without justifiable reason is not healthy.
If a hint of jealousy surfaces in a relationship, it can both signify insecurity and unpleasant feeling as the result. When love is strong and both parties are willing to lay all the cards on the table, then that should resolve the issue. But only the both of you can make it either a learning curve of the relationship or the beginning of the decay.
If a hint of jealousy surfaces in a relationship, it can both signify insecurity and unpleasant feeling as the result. When love is strong and both parties are willing to lay all the cards on the table, then that should resolve the issue. But only the both of you can make it either a learning curve of the relationship or the beginning of the decay.
I agree to a point that if both people are equally secure in the partnership and are always honest and open then almost anything can be resolved when those feelings surface.
When one partner is less secure in them self ore have insecurities about their masculinity or femininity then those feelings can arise regardless. I know that when I was younger it did for me but I was lucky in the sense that a lady I was seeing that neither of us had considered it even a remote possibility of it being a permanent relationship, said to me that if I wanted her, I had to be willing to share her and if I could not do that then I could no longer have her. This was so far out in left field to my way of thinking that it triggered all manner of insecurities and jealous feelings but it also made me realise that I do not own a lady in any relationship I am in and if a can't find the trust to know that they won't hurt me and choose to be with me, then I shouldn't be there in the first place. I had a paradigm shift and ended up agreeing with her that she was free to see or be with anyone she wanted because it was her choice who she wanted and when and I just had to hope that she would not purposely hurt me in the process and would always consider my feelings. The relationship really did not last that much longer though the friendship remained for many years but it was in that moment of me deciding that as I don't own anyone apart from me and therefore can not dictate or demand anything of anyone else in any given situation including a relationship, 95% of all my jealous behaviors just dropped away because it was only through my insecurities that they were there in the first place and by not trying to own my partner, I freed myself from the issues and insecurities that caused the jealousy in the first place, well, 95% or them anyway. The rest I have been working on ever since and every now and then they do still surface but as I am now aware of waht they are and the cause behind them, it is easy to recognise it happening and overcome the problem through self processing the things that are triggering that response. :)
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GregKeegan: If two people are in a healthy relationship, with trust, love and respect for each other, is there any place where jealousy should be within that relationship. How is it healthy or beneficial to a relationship or does it just stem from personal insecurities and fears around not being as good enough and that there are others who could be better for the partner regardless of how dedicated to you that they are? How does someone overcome jealousy in a relationship?
They term it vulnerable side for a reason. I don't really agree with Kipling's "If" on this one, it's inhuman to lose it all and shrug your shoulders as though it was completely nothing. How could she feel wanted if you weren't at least a little bit worried about losing her? An element of fear and unpredictability must be maintained not only to fulfill her desire to be wanted but to bolster your own personal drive.
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Jealousy is an emotion and as such is neither healthy, nor unhealthy. It's an experience.
What you do with experiencing that emotion is where the healthy, or unhealthy bit comes in.
It's healthy to be able to recognise we are experiencing an emotion and to be able to identify it accurately. Once identified, it's healthy to be able to express the existence of that emotion and identify its source.
It's unhealthy to be unaware of our own emotions, misidentify the emotion, or misidentify the source. So, in experiencing jealousy, if we express anger and demand our partner changes their own ordinary behaviour (chatting to customers, service providers, friends, saying hello to people) we are not recognising our own emotions and psyche behind them. We are forcing our partner into relieving our uncomfortable feelings with unrealistic expectations of their behaviour.
What you do with experiencing that emotion is where the healthy, or unhealthy bit comes in.
It's healthy to be able to recognise we are experiencing an emotion and to be able to identify it accurately. Once identified, it's healthy to be able to express the existence of that emotion and identify its source.
It's unhealthy to be unaware of our own emotions, misidentify the emotion, or misidentify the source. So, in experiencing jealousy, if we express anger and demand our partner changes their own ordinary behaviour (chatting to customers, service providers, friends, saying hello to people) we are not recognising our own emotions and psyche behind them. We are forcing our partner into relieving our uncomfortable feelings with unrealistic expectations of their behaviour.
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GregKeegan: I'm not in any relationship. What would make you think or suggest that? The question was put forward to see what other people think about how or where jealousy can fit into or work in a relationship and why because I have seen it in so many and have been guilty of it as well in my younger days and that did stem from my own insecurities and had nothing to do with my partner of the time.
I'm just interested in other peoples thoughts on the subject.
Maybe she didn't specificly pointed at you being in relationship. I've understood as rather general remark to anyone.I'm just interested in other peoples thoughts on the subject.
In regard to jealousy, in my humble view, if there isn't any pinch of jealousy , I would think that partner doesn't care, but when is too much of it for no good reason ...it's illness and being control freak.
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Marti2016: I believe that if one is feeling insecure in the relationship, their partner has done or said something to make them feel this way. If there are concerns, they should discuss and address the issues if they want to save the relationship. Another issue may be one not trusting someone outside the relationship. What ever the cause, there is a solution if you both care to address it.
Agree with this.
Usually there is some event that has occurred for one to suddenly feel insecure within the relationship.
It may not be fixable and an indicator that the relationship is over.
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Jealousy in small amounts(very small) is perfectly healthy. Anything more than this will consume you and destroy what you have already. You cant overcome it you can only re-direct your train of thought, but the deeper the seed that harder to re-direct yourself
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GregKeegan: If two people are in a healthy relationship, with trust, love and respect for each other, is there any place where jealousy should be within that relationship. How is it healthy or beneficial to a relationship or does it just stem from personal insecurities and fears around not being as good enough and that there are others who could be better for the partner regardless of how dedicated to you that they are? How does someone overcome jealousy in a relationship?
i experienced jealousy in a relationship (very unattractive).
i felt insecure in the relationship.
i was often criticized or belittled.
there was little to no transparency.
i came into it with personal trust issues, and left with more.
thankfully that's long ago.
what i learned:
benefits:
if your partner is not willing to communicate, wants something different than what you want, and the best of you is not brought out in you within the relationship...then it's not the right relationship for you. not good not bad, not judged, just information.
it's all information letting you know it's time to let go.
it's really quite simple.....pay attention to your own happiness.
i believe in a healthy relationship, both folks are able to live their imperfect lives with support from within the relationship.
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GregKeegan: If two people are in a healthy relationship, with trust, love and respect for each other, is there any place where jealousy should be within that relationship. How is it healthy or beneficial to a relationship or does it just stem from personal insecurities and fears around not being as good enough and that there are others who could be better for the partner regardless of how dedicated to you that they are? How does someone overcome jealousy in a relationship?
I think a small amount of jealousy is good and healthy...between two emotionally healthy people.
But as u say if that balance is off and one is more secure than the other it can cause problems.
Both should come into the relationship with healthy realistic expectations.
But a certain small amount of jealousy is good in a relationship as it shows they care and dont want to lose you.
Not to the point where, a relationship i was in, i couldnt even talk to his friends and he would get jealous, theres no room for that kind of behaviour in a relationship
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Short anwer: Yes there is such a thing as healthy jealousy in a relationship.
I believe that it's the unhealthy jealousy that can/does cause conflict.
I believe that it's the unhealthy jealousy that can/does cause conflict.
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No, because eventually it will cause conflict.
There is usually one who will bear the brunt of this behaviour, so how can it be healthy?
There is usually one who will bear the brunt of this behaviour, so how can it be healthy?
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If a woman knew a guy had a jealous nature, then she would drive him crazy, flirt on a regular basis with other guys, tell him about the guys who are interested in her and put the fear into his mind, that he could loose her to another guy at any time...men can't be this weak and must not allow the woman to ever have that kind of power over him
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That`s right, Jealousy is the action that stems from fear and insecurities , it is never healthy,
unless the real issue is addressed , and not the emotion,
no good comes from it, if the fear is losing someone that person has self esteem issues, than work on the self esteem , do something that will build self worth , so jealousy has no place in your relationships. However most people won`t admit to the fear, they just go from relationship to doomed relationship, trying to change the other person actions that cause them to feel that way.
unless the real issue is addressed , and not the emotion,
no good comes from it, if the fear is losing someone that person has self esteem issues, than work on the self esteem , do something that will build self worth , so jealousy has no place in your relationships. However most people won`t admit to the fear, they just go from relationship to doomed relationship, trying to change the other person actions that cause them to feel that way.
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lovely4u7da: That`s right, Jealousy is the action that stems from fear and insecurities , it is never healthy,
unless the real issue is addressed , and not the emotion,
no good comes from it, if the fear is losing someone that person has self esteem issues, than work on the self esteem , do something that will build self worth , so jealousy has no place in your relationships. However most people won`t admit to the fear, they just go from relationship to doomed relationship, trying to change the other person actions that cause them to feel that way.
unless the real issue is addressed , and not the emotion,
no good comes from it, if the fear is losing someone that person has self esteem issues, than work on the self esteem , do something that will build self worth , so jealousy has no place in your relationships. However most people won`t admit to the fear, they just go from relationship to doomed relationship, trying to change the other person actions that cause them to feel that way.
This is why I doubt that love is healthy, because it causes a person to put too much of their energy into another and they will become possessive in the process
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GregKeegan: If two people are in a healthy relationship, with trust, love and respect for each other, is there any place where jealousy should be within that relationship. How is it healthy or beneficial to a relationship or does it just stem from personal insecurities and fears around not being as good enough and that there are others who could be better for the partner regardless of how dedicated to you that they are? How does someone overcome jealousy in a relationship?
I've said this before, but it might be worth repeating: If there is jealousy in a relationship, there is already a problem, and probably has been for awhile. Jealousy has no redeeming value, it is always a negative.------ This thread is Archived ------
rohaan: I've said this before, but it might be worth repeating: If there is jealousy in a relationship, there is already a problem, and probably has been for awhile. Jealousy has no redeeming value, it is always a negative.
That about sums it up
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